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But how can everyone who's married love their wife/husband if the divorce rate is 50%? Something isn't right there.
Divorce rate doesn't prove anything you are saying. Divorce happens when people grow apart, become bored or various other reasons. (Abuse, drugs, money issues.) Even attractive people lose their looks over time.
If you really want to believe it, then go ahead. But honestly nothing fits into a black and white statement.
Very rarely do I personally see an attractive woman with a guy that's below average in looks. But online I always hear of people say that they have a friend or someone they know that's not attractive but has a lot of confidence, good personality, etc. that's with a good looking woman. But do those relationships ever last for the long term since I rarely ever see it myself? I just always usually see attractive women with attractive men, average women with average men, below average women with average or below average men. But it's extremely rare to see attractive women with below average men & just occasionally see them with average men.
Also, when people see us they surely think that I'm with him for his money because he looks to be so much older than I am (which there is a 20+ year difference but because I look younger than my age and he looks older, the difference looks much greater). Actually, for right now I'm the one making all the money so if people think that which I imagine lots do when they see a young woman with a much older man then they really have it wrong.
When I'm at the gym for instance when I see couples together, their usually both pretty good looking or the guy is at least decent looking, but never unattractive.
The gym is a special case. Most typically I also find workout-couples to be evenly matched in physical terms. But the gym is not representative of life in general.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
...When you love someone, you aren't settling. People are MORE than just what they look like.
I agree that divorce is almost never about looks, but I disagree that being in love precludes "settling".
The standard trope is that as the couple ages, the wayward man strays sexually with a younger woman. He doesn't wish for divorce, because he enjoys being married; he just doesn't feel the same physical yearnings for his aging wife. If she finds out, and doesn't forgive him, they divorce. If however it's the husband whose aging is accelerating towards senescence and lost vitality, the wife will abide that without complaint, as long as the emotional rapport remains.
But it may happen that over time, the partners' values and aspirations diverge. One partner changes, the other remains invariant. The partner who changes – and in the typical view, it's the wife – now feels that she's "settling" to remain married. She is not setting for a person; she is settling for a lifestyle. Exhibit A is my own ex-wife, who asserted that she loved me deeply even on the day that we divorced, but that owing to her diametrical reversal regarding having children, she could no longer settle for a life (with me) without kids.
Returning to the thread's theme, it seems to me that if relationships began mostly through cold-approach, where two people size each other up in physical terms before even speaking with each other, then we'd have more couples evenly matched in looks. But if most relationships begin through introduction by a friend, or through shared activities, the machine of attraction starts whirring without the dominance of raw physical attraction. And so we find couples where the one partner is so much more physically attractive than the other.
Haven't you ever met someone, and something just sizzled between you. You couldn't explain it for the life of you, and it has absolutely nothing to do with looks. It is chemistry. It doesn't always last, but it does count for some of these pairings of people who have such a disparity in looks. I have seen really hot man with a woman that is not attractive and hot women with guys that are not attractive. It must be about something other than looks.
The gym is a special case. Most typically I also find workout-couples to be evenly matched in physical terms. But the gym is not representative of life in general.
I agree that divorce is almost never about looks, but I disagree that being in love precludes "settling".
The standard trope is that as the couple ages, the wayward man strays sexually with a younger woman. He doesn't wish for divorce, because he enjoys being married; he just doesn't feel the same physical yearnings for his aging wife. If she finds out, and doesn't forgive him, they divorce. If however it's the husband whose aging is accelerating towards senescence and lost vitality, the wife will abide that without complaint, as long as the emotional rapport remains.
But it may happen that over time, the partners' values and aspirations diverge. One partner changes, the other remains invariant. The partner who changes – and in the typical view, it's the wife – now feels that she's "settling" to remain married. She is not setting for a person; she is settling for a lifestyle. Exhibit A is my own ex-wife, who asserted that she loved me deeply even on the day that we divorced, but that owing to her diametrical reversal regarding having children, she could no longer settle for a life (with me) without kids.
Returning to the thread's theme, it seems to me that if relationships began mostly through cold-approach, where two people size each other up in physical terms before even speaking with each other, then we'd have more couples evenly matched in looks. But if most relationships begin through introduction by a friend, or through shared activities, the machine of attraction starts whirring without the dominance of raw physical attraction. And so we find couples where the one partner is so much more physically attractive than the other.
The OP is saying that if someone is with someone that is not as attractive as they are - then they are automatically "settling" because they could have someone more attractive. I am disagreeing with that. You are talking about something else.
Successful to me means their making at least 6 figure income.
That's a little sad.... and makes me think you are quite young.
There are more important things in life than 6 figure income.
Success can also mean achieving a high level of accomplishment in your field, gaining the respect of your peers, contributing something that has value to society, loving your job, having a stable family, having friends that care about you, being healthy, etc....
I mean if you want to be that superficial, nobody's stopping you, but human beings are just not that simple. People are together, or not, for whatever reasons are meaningful TO THEM. It frustrates me too, because my ex wants sometimes to act like I ended our marriage for superficial reasons, makes him feel morally superior or something. Fact is, I never judged him against prettier men. It was all how he acted. If the hottest man on earth had me running home from work to provide therapy because he blew up my phone with threats and craziness, if he sat home stoned all day driving himself into a funk, if he menaced me with a gun...I would really care about the same (not at all) what he looked like.
OP you're reaching for easy answers to complex human questions.
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