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Long thread, I haven't gone though all of it yet, but I wanted to address two things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
I see all different types of "attractiveness" amongst couples of both genders. I would guess because looks are just one criteria for both genders, in addition personality can add or subtract to attraction.
No nefarious motivations.
Exactly. If someone only looks at "looks" that's the very definition of shallow. There is so much more to finding someone you love. Looks is a factor, but it's not the ONLY factor and it seems (for a lot of people) isn't even the main factor to look for in a relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jersey4Life
I wonder how often these relationships last long term or if the woman eventually thinks she can do better. Since it seems to me everyone here constantly sees unattractive guys with really hot women. Just seems really far fetched since I don't see it often. When I'm at the gym for instance when I see couples together, their usually both pretty good looking or the guy is at least decent looking, but never unattractive.
The irony of what you are claiming here is that there was an article in the Journal of Family Psychology about a year ago that basically says the happiest couples are those where the woman it much more beautiful than the man.Here is the news on the UCLA website: Do looks really matter? Yes and no, depending on your gender | UCLA
Quote:
Karney and his colleagues then started looking at the difference between the husbands’ and wives’ attractiveness and discovered something important. "We could look at them and say, ‘OK, these husbands are less attractive on an objective scale than their wives.’ The interesting thing is that those husbands were happier than the other husbands. And those husbands were more helpful. And they were more effective and more positive when helping their wives with their problems."
...
What’s interesting is that the wives’ own attractiveness didn’t seem to matter — they were more affected by their husbands’ satisfaction, Karney noted. When their husbands were happy, the wives were happy, and when their husbands were unhappy, they were unhappy. They didn’t seem as responsive, or sensitive, to how attractive their husbands were.
So basically, men were happier with wives who were objectively more attractive than them and therefore treated their wives very well, which made their wives happy and therefore made the couple happier. So it could be you see this cliche of "ugly man with pretty woman" because it makes both people happier on some level.
Very rarely do I personally see an attractive woman with a guy that's below average in looks. But online I always hear of people say that they have a friend or someone they know that's not attractive but has a lot of confidence, good personality, etc. that's with a good looking woman. But do those relationships ever last for the long term since I rarely ever see it myself? I just always usually see attractive women with attractive men, average women with average men, below average women with average or below average men. But it's extremely rare to see attractive women with below average men & just occasionally see them with average men.
Personality and charm/confidence can bump a mans attractiveness up.
It's hard to measure what a women calls attractive as differences as they all have different tastes.
Maybe in like 10-15% of cases like this at best. Otherwise, dude is either rich or real famous.
I am in such a relationship... and I guarantee that nobody is rich or famous. Although maybe it will be nice if people assume that as we walk down the street.
Of course, I suppose I could be just part of the 10% or something... in another thread, according to one of the posters, I am part of the 2% because I am actually in a relationship.
Okay, all joking aside, we just get each other. We have a lot of fun, have the same values, humor, interests... hell, we were one of "Those" couples completing each others sentences withing a few weeks of meeting. And yes, people look at pictures of us and say, "How'd he get HER?!" (and more than once it's proceeded by some expletive). It's not that hard in theory. Be a decent, kind, guy and pick a decent, kind woman with whom you have a lot in common. In practice, it's hard because so many people out there are so self centered/self absorbed anymore and are all about "me, me, me." But that's both genders if you ask me... and our culture in general and, in my opinion, the true reason why so many struggle to date. But that's another topic.
Personality and charm/confidence can bump a mans attractiveness up.
It's hard to measure what a women calls attractive as differences as they all have different tastes.
Online dating says otherwise though. 90% of women on OLD are only into tall, attractive men. They even get to put in their strict preferences where they won't even agree to look at profiles that are less than a certain height or income bracket. I guess you can say in person is different, but I feel social media has changed a lot of women's perceptions of these things. Even unattractive women are getting hit on by guys way out of their league in looks on OLD, so those women's standards go up due to being hit on by guys out of their league & than they all of a sudden think they can only go after attractive guys since they think why would they settle for less?
Long thread, I haven't gone though all of it yet, but I wanted to address two things.
Exactly. If someone only looks at "looks" that's the very definition of shallow. There is so much more to finding someone you love. Looks is a factor, but it's not the ONLY factor and it seems (for a lot of people) isn't even the main factor to look for in a relationship.
The irony of what you are claiming here is that there was an article in the Journal of Family Psychology about a year ago that basically says the happiest couples are those where the woman it much more beautiful than the man.Here is the news on the UCLA website: Do looks really matter? Yes and no, depending on your gender | UCLA
So basically, men were happier with wives who were objectively more attractive than them and therefore treated their wives very well, which made their wives happy and therefore made the couple happier. So it could be you see this cliche of "ugly man with pretty woman" because it makes both people happier on some level.
I just don't see how this is true unless the guy has a lot of money like others have been stating. I know that's the cliche answer, but it's almost impossible for me to believe that an unattractive guy can win over a really attractive woman just based on his personality. Usually in most of those cases the guy gets friend zoned, unless she sees that he makes good money.
Online dating says otherwise though. 90% of women on OLD are only into tall, attractive men. They even get to put in their strict preferences where they won't even agree to look at profiles that are less than a certain height or income bracket. I guess you can say in person is different, but I feel social media has changed a lot of women's perceptions of these things. Even unattractive women are getting hit on by guys way out of their league in looks on OLD, so those women's standards go up due to being hit on by guys out of their league & than they all of a sudden think they can only go after attractive guys since they think why would they settle for less?
Online dating is not the right place to draw these conclusions. It's not like real dating venues where a woman can smell a guy, hear his voice, see his mannerisms...we are working with the tools that the website provides, and that's it. Words, data, photos, facts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jersey4Life
I just don't see how this is true unless the guy has a lot of money like others have been stating. I know that's the cliche answer, but it's almost impossible for me to believe that an unattractive guy can win over a really attractive woman just based on his personality. Usually in most of those cases the guy gets friend zoned, unless she sees that he makes good money.
This sounds so like something that someone would say about hot cheerleader chicks in high school. Are you rather young, OP? Do you interact with mature grown women, or barely adult girls? And what exactly does "attractive" even mean to YOU anyways? Exercise video fit blondes with large breasts and tans? Did you know some guys love heavy ladies and think they are beautiful? Did you know that some guys love nerdy "librarian" looks in a woman?
So you start by saying "Attractive women only..." and even before you get to the other bit of your sentence you have a problem. Attractive to whom exactly?? You? Well, maybe you find really shallow and superficial women attractive, then. Maybe you are looking at the wrong source for your problem, maybe it's not the women, or your "looks" but rather the pool where you have chosen to cast your bait. Assuming, even, that there is some kind of a personal experience motivation underlying your insistence on beating this dead horse.
And then you're judging the "looks" of the men, which is also a flawed line of reason. As though attractiveness had a real standard we could all remotely even agree on. Also, if a whole bunch of women look at their choices and experience and thought processes and assure you that no, in fact, we do not operate that way, and you, O Stranger on the Internet, continue to argue it, you are doing something kinda weird that I just don't understand. Are you telling me I don't remember my own history, or my own reasons for doing what I do? And you, who have never witnessed my behavior in your life, recall better somehow? Extrapolate that out to every woman (and some men) who have disagreed with you here...I think I can comfortably say that you are just not correct with this theory.
I have pursued men who were not good looking, and men who were dirt poor, short men, tall men, thin and heavy men. Each of them had something (or several somethings) else that appealed to me.
Online dating says otherwise though. 90% of women on OLD are only into tall, attractive men.
This is your problem; you're assuming that OLD is an accurate reflection of a broader reality. It's not. It tends to be a highly skewed window on reality. Overall, people you meet in real life will be very different than those on the dating sites. Most men aren't after someone 20 years younger than they are, and many women are looking for qualities other than the material ones in a potential mate. If you'd said in your OP that you were basing your beliefs or experience on OLD, a very differen6t discussion would have ensued.
Money. Usually attractive women don't want an average or below average man because they usually feel they're beneath them.
You'd be surprised how many women do seek out average guys. Because they don't believe they're beneath them.
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