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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by back2MD
And being a full time single mother, who works almost 50 hrs a week , with a young child is very,very difficult, especially when there is no outside family to help and the dad is a piece of sh*t that thinks if i ask him for money one more time, then i have to give it up to him. Most days i really don't know how i do it. As a matter fact, i almost had a nervous breakdown a few weeks ago over this.
I could swear my mother thought this exact same thing at some time when I was coming up. Single mothers have a certain strength to them. I don't know where they get it from, but please believe, they got it.
Please tell me what part time jobs offer any kind of medical benefits?
I have both a SAHM, as well as the working outside the home mom.
Starbucks is a part time job which offers full medical. Many medical positions offer this as well. My previous position working for an optometrist offered benefits for all employees, full or part time. They are out there.
I do not disrespect SAHM's. Quite the contrary in fact. In my opinion, the opportunity for stay at home parenting is the most important sacrifice we as a society have made lately that no one is talking about.
Note: I said opportunity for it. I really wish more families had the choice to afford having one parent stay home.
It is just a matter of dollars and cents. The average kid costs over $240,000 to age 18 for just the basics. However, a change in the culture has had a greater impact. We are now giving jobs that were traditionally for men now to women. Thus the old traditional family structure is just not possible for many folks.
Oh, believe me, that POV is alive and well in the US, particularly in educated, middle and upper-middle class areas. In those circles, whichever woman is the most self-sacrificing, angst-ridden, hypercompetitive, overprotective, helicoptering mother, willing to do anything and everything for her kids short of wiping their butts until they leave for college - with a smile on her face and a homemade snack at the ready! - wins! In modern American suburbia, being a "good" mother = martyrdom.
And if you even mention a remote desire to return to work (part-time) when the kids are all in school, they'll look at you like you're the most cold-hearted, selfish mother to have walked the face of the earth. Some will come right out and claim that you're "abandoning" your children for even considering it, as though you're contemplating leaving them stranded on a deserted highway in the middle of a snowstorm. In Siberia.
And then, on the other hand, are people, like here on CD, who think SAHMs/SAHDs are lazy.
What's as girl to do?
A girl is to do whatever works for her, her partner, and her family, without being concerned about what others think.
That said, I see a lot of reflection of your post echoed in this thread by other people as well. Some people will think that it's not really work. Meanwhile, some people will argue that it's the hardest job ever. Ultimately, if you're trying to convince someone of the merit of what you do, you're the one that loses. Because it would show, among other things, that you're more concerned with what others think of you than about doing what's right for yourself. We all do it a little, but one of those "easier said than done" routes to happiness is taking comfort in knowing that what we do is right for us.
Oh, believe me, that POV is alive and well in the US, particularly in educated, middle and upper-middle class areas. In those circles, whichever woman is the most self-sacrificing, angst-ridden, hypercompetitive, overprotective, helicoptering mother, willing to do anything and everything for her kids short of wiping their butts until they leave for college - with a smile on her face and a homemade snack at the ready! - wins! In modern American suburbia, being a "good" mother = martyrdom.
And if you even mention a remote desire to return to work (part-time) when the kids are all in school, they'll look at you like you're the most cold-hearted, selfish mother to have walked the face of the earth. Some will come right out and claim that you're "abandoning" your children for even considering it, as though you're contemplating leaving them stranded on a deserted highway in the middle of a snowstorm. In Siberia.
And then, on the other hand, are people, like here on CD, who think SAHMs/SAHDs are lazy.
What's as girl to do?
This goes on quite a bit where I live. I have no problem with a SAHM once the kids get into school as long as a family can afford it and that it is most benificial to the family. However, I know some who want to stay as SAHM because they are being shamed into it even though that the family would be better off with her going back to work. Both my parents went to work when I was in school. Grandma took care of me from 3-5 most afternoons. Other times I got put into after school day care where I got to play and have fun. Little Johnny isn't going to mind that Mom or Dad isn't at home after school.
I see men on dating sites dissing women like that and it makes me think they don't respect a mother's work.
Well, those poor guys are in for a rude awakening when their alpha neurotic career woman lawyer or doctor adds to the already lofty stats and drops out of the workforce to be a SAHM and probably never goes back to the career she leaves behind.
However, I know some who want to stay as SAHM because they are being shamed into it even though that the family would be better off with her going back to work. Both my parents went to work when I was in school. Grandma took care of me from 3-5 most afternoons. Other times I got put into after school day care where I got to play and have fun. Little Johnny isn't going to mind that Mom or Dad isn't at home after school.
Your arrangement doesn't usually happen, though. Once all the day care type expenses are added up, well, I doubt most moms want to work for what literally turns out to be slave wages to pay for day care and buy meals on the run every day.
Many kiddos end up at home with their siblings waiting for a parent to come home with a key that gets them in the door keeping them company. Grandma and Grandpa work, you know, and possibly in a town quite distant.
Your arrangement doesn't usually happen, though. Once all the day care type expenses are added up, well, I doubt most moms want to work for what literally turns out to be slave wages to pay for day care and buy meals on the run every day.
Many kiddos end up at home with their siblings waiting for a parent to come home with a key that gets them in the door keeping them company. Grandma and Grandpa work, you know, and possibly in a town quite distant.
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