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I dated women +/- 2 years of my age, save for one, all through my 20s. Now I'm dating younger because that is all who write me.
Yeah that was pretty much the range of me and my friends through our 20s.
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I don't know why we have such a difficult time acknowledging and accepting tendencies in either gender's wooing practices.
Men tend to place physical attraction first and foremost. It probably has something to do with our biological predisposition to "spread our seed", like most male mammals on Earth. If you're not aroused, then how are you going to "spread your seed"?
While women undoubtedly also place some emphasis on physical attraction, they usually tend to gravitate towards the best provider available to them regardless of looks. It probably has something to do with a female's predisposition to provide the most security for her and her potential future children.
Again, we're talking about tendencies, not black/white realities. There are always anomalies. But there's a reason why stereotypes exist to begin with; there is usually data to support them, whether we like it or not. And also, there is the idea of evolution. I do subscribe to the idea that, as a species, human beings may be in the process of rewiring our biological predispositions as our society evolves and becomes more egalitarian.
You know, I've noticed women (as they get older) "do" ask men out more often and are more assertive in that fashion. They lose the passive "let them come to me" thing. They know what they want and go for it. Maybe, just maybe, that's the main reason some over 40 women struggle while others don't. They forget that things have changed and they have to be a little more direct.
The nice thing for the women who approach is they get to do the choosing instead waiting for any random Tom, Dick or Harry that might not be interesting or attractive to you. I can tell you I am in the relationship I am not because the woman did the approaching and asking out. I am glad for it too, found the love of my life I think.
I definitely agree. I wouldn't say most women "lose" the passiveness, but it definitely decreases. But as you mentioned, I'd say it's a BIG factor in the difference between the older women have have success and those who don't.
Yeah that was pretty much the range of me and my friends through our 20s.
I think most people tend to stay fairly close in age, just generally speaking. The 25 yr plus age difference among average everyday people I think tend to be pretty rare. Not talking about famous people here.
The old, "you're not in this group so you are not allowed to observe the world and have an opinion on it."
But is that what you observe? Is it what you actually experience. Is it what statistics show. Because I dont see the majority of 40+ men in relationships with 22 year old women. A few scattered here and there as well as a few 40+ women with 22 year old guys.
It is not what I experienced myself, nor my peers. And statistics show the norm is that people couple with those within a few years of their own age.
The fact that generally physical appearances are more important to men than women or that people are more physically attracted to youth doesn't have any significant bearing a woman's ability to date past 30.
I think most people tend to stay fairly close in age, just generally speaking. The 25 yr plus age difference among average everyday people I think tend to be pretty rare. Not talking about famous people here.
You are right. I've quoted the US Census marriage data and the vast majority of people marry within 5 years of each other age-wise. When you get into 10+ years difference, the percentages married are in single digits.
Of course, that doesn't include people who "experiment" with much older and much younger, but when it comes to serious relationships, people seem to stick around their own age.
As the years go by that someone is harder to find because obviously more people have already paired up.
The above statement encapsulates the entire thread!
The point isn't whether women stay eternally youthful or degenerate into abominable hags upon turning 30. The point is that the pool of singles becomes progressively shallower as we age.
I'm a heterosexual male, and I struggle finding other single men my age, with whom to work on cars, shoot guns or play chess. This has nothing to do with esoteric tastes like classical music or chess; I'm talking about traditional guy-stuff, like tuning carburetors on muscle-cars. And this has nothing to do with my appearance or health, my income or "baggage" or taste in clothes. There's just a tremendous paucity of single men my age, as also there's similar lack of single women. If I were a woman looking for a male romantic partner, I have absolutely no idea where I'd be looking, except of course online.
To rephrase, with just a tad of hyperbole: get old (or just middle-aged), and the unalloyed totality of your generational cohort will be paired-up. If you're sufficiently beautiful and unscrupulous, you might wreck another couple's relationship and lure away the target male (or female). Otherwise, learn to love cats (but not in that way… unless of course the cat consents)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Question2015
I cant help but giggle at OLD profiles of young professional women who go on and on and on about how financially stable they are or how well educated. As if any man walking this earth ever gave a crap.
I do. Unfortunately, it's pretty rare that I actually do encounter such statements from women in online dating, unless by "financially stable" they mean a starter-home with a mortgage and (my favorite bugaboo!) their own car.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Question2015
... But as we all age, this scenario flips and men in their 30ss and 40s now have the upper hand in the dating market. Women age, and lose their sexual appeal, which is of most importance to men of all ages. At the same time, men gain status, confidence, position, financial position etc etc, all of which is of most important to women.
For strictly selfish reasons, I would be ecstatic if you were correct. Unfortunately, my own experience as a 40-something male doesn't comport with your suppositions. In college, I was hopelessly inept, poor, and unappealing. These factors have all reversed and gone strongly in my favor over the ensuing decades. But passive advantages have not translated into practice.
First, the number of women in my age-bracket who are still single (or divorced) is very small – and even smaller if we consider only the child-free. Second, whether these women are living off of alimony from ex-hubby, or on welfare, or are independently-wealthy, they don't seem to care what I do for a living, or how well-stuffed is the piggy bank. Maybe the single-moms wouldn't mind a benefactor, but the child-free 40-something women just want a fun guy who will make them laugh and who will enthrall them emotionally. They're not impressed by how many pushups I can do, or whether I have a Vanguard Wealth Management advisor on speed-dial. Actually, they seem to be a lot more interested if a guy is tight with Jesus… and if he's not, well, he can go through the eye of a needle.
Last edited by ohio_peasant; 12-10-2015 at 02:52 PM..
I definitely agree. I wouldn't say most women "lose" the passiveness, but it definitely decreases. But as you mentioned, I'd say it's a BIG factor in the difference between the older women have have success and those who don't.
And of course, this is all assuming a woman "loses" a lot of her looks as she ages too. Big assumption because it's not always true. Anymore, that doesn't happen as people tend to take much better care of themselves. Look at a picture of a 40-year-old from the 1950s and a 40-year-old today. The 1950s 40-year-old looks a lot older (and it's not just the old fashion clothes). People smoked more often, didn't use sunscreen, didn't eat right or exercise... it all adds up.
The above statement encapsulates the entire thread!
The point isn't whether women stay eternally youthful or degenerate into abominable hags upon turning 30. The point is that the pool of singles becomes progressively shallower as we age.
I'm a heterosexual male, and I struggle finding other single men my age, with whom to work on cars, shoot guns or play chess. This has nothing to do with esoteric tastes like classical music or chess; I'm talking about traditional guy-stuff, like tuning carburetors on muscle-cars. And this has nothing to do with my appearance or health, my income or "baggage" or taste in clothes. There's just a tremendous paucity of single men my age, as also there's similar lack of single women. If I were a woman looking for a male romantic partner, I have absolutely no idea where I'd be looking, except of course online.
To rephrase, with just a tad of hyperbole: get old (or just middle-aged), and the unalloyed totality of your generational cohort will be paired-up. If you're sufficiently beautiful and unscrupulous, you might wreck another couple's relationship and lure away the target male (or female). Otherwise, learn to love cats (but not in that way… unless of course the cat consents)
I do. Unfortunately, it's pretty rare that I actually do encounter such statements from women in online dating, unless by "financially stable" they mean a starter-home with a mortgage and (my favorite bugaboo!) their own car.
For strictly selfish reasons, I would be ecstatic if you were correct. Unfortunately, my own experience as a 40-something male doesn't comport with your suppositions. In college, I was hopelessly inept, poor, and unappealing. These factors have all gone strongly in my favor over the ensuing decades. But passive advantages have not translated into practice.
First, the number of women in my age-bracket who are still single (or divorced) is very small – and even smaller if we consider only the child-free. Second, whether these women are living off of alimony from ex-hubby, or on welfare, or are independently-wealthy, they don't seem to care what I do for a living, or how well-stuffed is the piggy bank. Maybe the single-moms wouldn't mind a benefactor, but the child-free 40-something women just want a fun guy who will make them laugh and who will enthrall them emotionally. They're not impressed by how many pushups I can do, or whether I have a Vanguard Wealth Management advisor on speed-dial. Actually, they seem to be a lot more interested if a guy is tight with Jesus… and if he's not, well, he can go through the eye of a needle.
I brought up similar points earlier on. I think your dead on and I can corroborate your experiences. The difference is, I got lucky and found someone. I wish the same for you too, you seem like the kind of guy I'd like to sit and have a beer with while talking about life. Or more appropriately, me listening too as I suspect you are better educated and more philosophical than I am.
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