Becoming sexually involved early on: (guys, older, children, sex)
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Agreed. It's garbage. It's also a crutch for those who lack the willingness and/or intellectual capacity to take people as individuals or see shades of gray. It could never occur to them that people can behave like single people when they're single and like committed, monogamous partners when they're in a committed, monogamous relationship. I've had my fun and I have never cheated on anyone. Go figure.
Agreed 100%. I had much of my fun when I was younger and then got married and stayed faithfully married for 23 years until he ended it for reasons that were very much not my fault. When we got married, he'd had fewer than five partners and I'd had more than 10 but he's the one who was cheating. Go figure.
Agreed 100%. I had much of my fun when I was younger and then got married and stayed faithfully married for 23 years until he ended it for reasons that were very much not my fault. When we got married, he'd had fewer than five partners and I'd had more than 10 but he's the one who was cheating. Go figure.
Sometimes these threads make me feel old. Not out of touch, just old, because all I can think is, "And when you get a little older, and you face some REAL trials and tribulations in life, like catastrophic illness, death of a loved one, an accident, a terrible mishap like a fire or natural disaster that displaces you, being the victim of a crime, or losing your retirement in a recession, the number of prior partners your SO has had will seem like a ridiculous thing to worry about--because it is."
But there's really no telling people who haven't lived through a series of ups and downs to give them some perspective. Or, TL;dr: Yeah, I was young and thought I knew everything once, too.
Not that sleeping with my partner early on killed the relationship or anything. I slept with my husband on our first date, actually (though we'd been talking for a while). BUT...although I do like sex (very much), I didn't necessarily feel like I was just dying to do it immediately, but rather, that the guy was (my husband, and several others throughout my dating history). And...why, in that case? Just to please someone else? I mean it's my body, right? Looking back I don't feel I was always necessarily on board with givin' it up just because I was "supposed" to in order to be open and evolved and blah blah.
Again, I do like sex, I did like the guys, (obviously!) ...I don't regret it per se, BUT next time? Waiting until the anticipation is way up there and if that's too long for the potential guy, well...there are other men.
Nope, you're still missing the point. For the third time, I said all other things being pretty much equal, a man will bond more with a woman he has sex with. That's human nature and physiology. As Mikelee attested, it's part of the process of falling for someone. Many, if not most, men simply do not feel sufficiently close to a woman to want to be exclusive unless and until they have had sex. Of course some can sleep with multiple people at a time and not fall for any of them, but that's not the same thing. Rare is the grown man who falls in love with and makes a commitment to a woman before he has had sex with her. You can try to deny it all you want, but that's the truth. Sex has been a closer for me because from that point forward, it has pretty much always signified the beginning of a monogamous relationship.
No, I'm not fooling myself. And you're missing the point there, too. I know when a man goes from being someone I'm merely dating to being my boyfriend. It's not that hard to tell, but as you seem to need clarification, I'll explain. I know the men I've had relationships with, and I know what transpired after we started sleeping together--the discussions we had in which we explicitly agreed we were monogamous henceforth, the amount of communication we had, the (greatly increased) amount of time we spent together, and our actions and interactions with each other, from meeting each other's friends and families down to things like changing status on social media--and the speed with which those things happened. You seem to be under the impression that the exclusivity talk didn't happen for weeks after the fact. It's more like within 48 hours, if not right there the next morning. It was actually pretty funny once. I was kidding around and said, "What just happened?" and he said, "I believe you just became my girlfriend." Cheesy, but also hilarious in the moment.
Do you not communicate clearly in your relationships such that this has been a murky area for you? Maybe you're projecting your relationship challenges onto me?
You have so little confidence in your arguments that you have to cap them with a ad hominem attack? Why must EITHER of our arguments be based exclusively on the (relatively?) small number of men we have slept with? Yes, pretty much everyone loves sex, if it's done well. You can use sex to "seal the deal"...I can too. We only seem to differ in that you THINK I wait to be in love or 6 months, whichever comes later while you're the free spirit who likes sex for sex's sake. Admittedly, you must be pretty good that all your partners commit fully within 48 hours. I remember when perhaps as recently as 10 years ago the common response to women bemoaning a lack of commitment was that they didn't have "the talk" BEFORE sex...now it's shifted to 48 hours after?
I just feel if a guy's worth my time, he better wait til I put out. My last relationship, he waited 2 months. There is no perfect timing so it's irrelevant but at the end of the day, if he's cutting me off after 5 dates because I won't jump in bed with him then see ya later.
I just feel if a guy's worth my time, he better wait til I put out. My last relationship, he waited 2 months. There is no perfect timing so it's irrelevant but at the end of the day, if he's cutting me off after 5 dates because I won't jump in bed with him then see ya later.
Out of pure curiosity.........
If you really liked a bloke and wanted to sleep with him would you wait 2 months or more?
A HUGE part of the problem is that people are placing far too much emphasis and blame on the sexual part of your relationships, and not enough on the connection.
If you aren't connecting with someone, sex is only a small part of that.
The poster upthread who said she would rather wait a few months: she's not going to be compatible with someone who wants to have sex right away. So why should she change who she is?
Same with those of you arguing with Akonyo. I don't agree with him on anything (I've actually had him on ignore for months now and can only see his responses when you quote him) but if those are his beliefs, then those of you who don't follow those beliefs shouldn't date him.
My point is, it goes MUCH further than just sex. Women are taught from an early age that we have these special little frickin flowers that shouldn't be plucked until marriage, or at least until he lurrrrves us! Then some women cry about being used for sex, when there's so much more at work.
A guy who dumps a girl for having sex too soon shows a lack of maturity and character, so why cry over such a person? Yes, it hurts the ego a bit, but once you get a little distance from the relationship you realize how lucky you are.
Similarly, a guy who puts ALL his eggs in the sexual compatiblity basket and ignores every other part of your connection: if that's not your thing, and you don't want to have sex so early on in a relationship; then why would you be upset about losing a guy with whom you clearly aren't compatible.
Or whatever. It's late/early and I don't know what the hell I'm saying. People can do what they want; I'm going to do what I want.
A HUGE part of the problem is that people are placing far too much emphasis and blame on the sexual part of your relationships, and not enough on the connection.
If you aren't connecting with someone, sex is only a small part of that.
My point is, it goes MUCH further than just sex.
A guy who dumps a girl for having sex too soon shows a lack of maturity and character, so why cry over such a person?
I agree - but trying to make certain points sometimes just doesn't get through. From what I have seen in topics, there are those who do not care about building anything with a woman - seemingly just wanting to "relieve themselves". Some seem to think that a sexual connection is all there is, saying they "don't want to waste time, needing to know immediately if they are sexually compatible". Then, they will begin or think they are prepared for a relationship?
No one knows if they like a person enough immediately or if they are actually worth going further with, emotionally or physically. Taking the time to discover what is necessary about another for a relationship appears to be something many are unwilling to do. Undoubtedly, this contributes to some quickly-begun relationships or marriages that don't work out, having based it merely upon a seeming sexual chemistry.
If you really liked a bloke and wanted to sleep with him would you wait 2 months or more?
Honestly, I would. Maybe even longer if he wanted to (although these guys don't exist LOL). But that is ONLY if he's serious with me and only talking to me. If we're talking and he's messing with other girls at the same time, that's a hell ****in no. I just embrace the fact that we are learning about each other, spending time to get to know one another than just on a physical level. And often times when I like a guy, it's more just physical attraction. If you've got the personality and I can talk to you for endless hours, I have NO problem waiting. If anything, the tension builds up and it's kind of a fun game for me, hah.
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(obviously!) ...I don't regret it per se, BUT next time? Waiting until the anticipation is way up there and if that's too long for the potential guy, well...there are other men. 
Then, they will begin or think they are prepared for a relationship? 
