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Honestly, I would. Maybe even longer if he wanted to (although these guys don't exist LOL). But that is ONLY if he's serious with me and only talking to me. If we're talking and he's messing with other girls at the same time, that's a hell ****in no. I just embrace the fact that we are learning about each other, spending time to get to know one another than just on a physical level. And often times when I like a guy, it's more just physical attraction. If you've got the personality and I can talk to you for endless hours, I have NO problem waiting. If anything, the tension builds up and it's kind of a fun game for me, hah.
I recall once how a slightly younger (married) female coworker told me that her now husband had waited six months before having sex with her. I wondered how that was even possible, knowing how men are. I would not wait that long, but I do think women would really appreciate a lack of pressure while initially getting to know another and deciding whether to continue on.
No one knows if they like a person enough immediately or if they are actually worth going further with, emotionally or physically. Taking the time to discover what is necessary about another for a relationship appears to be something many are unwilling to do. Undoubtedly, this contributes to some quickly-begun relationships or marriages that don't work out, having based it merely upon a seeming sexual chemistry.
I totally agree on this.. and that is why I let the guy wait. I want to connect on a level deeper than just sexual compatibility. If the guy is smart, witty, charming, chivalrous, down to earth, and easy to get along then the sex can wait. By then, I've figured we are compatible enough to not drive each other crazy, and that would just build up the tension more and more for me. And honestly, sex is sex.. unless you are extremely bad at it, I've never met a guy where we hit it off but the sex was "so bad" that I had to break it off. And the more you spend time with one another, the more you learn what each other like and don't like and you can always "improve" on that aspect. And gawd knows how some ppl can mix emotions with sex, that's why fwb often times doesn't work out. One always develop feeling for the other.. and I don't want the sex to shrewd my perception of him or the relationship. Not saying it will, but if I can just get to know someone on a spiritual, mental, and emotional level, the sexual connection can definitely wait .
If you really liked a bloke and wanted to sleep with him would you wait 2 months or more?
Right, that's the difference - "making" a guy wait even though you really like him, which could be manipulative depending on your motivations (not always though if you have a history of being impulsive in a bad way) versus really hitting it off with a guy and saying yeah, I'm good with this.
Most men don't get that there could be a difference and that depending on the guy it is perfectly reasonable. Easier just to say, "she's holding out, so I'm outta here" than to say, " if I hold on a week or two it might be great. and what's the big deal of waiting to see".
Hahah - now I see I misread your question about - I was responding in terms of whether a woman had a rule to ALWAYS wait 2 months regardless. Sure, I'd wait two months - why not - you're not saying we're exclusive yet, right?
I agree - but trying to make certain points sometimes just doesn't get through. From what I have seen in topics, there are those who do not care about building anything with a woman - seemingly just wanting to "relieve themselves". Some seem to think that a sexual connection is all there is, saying they "don't want to waste time, needing to know immediately if they are sexually compatible". Then, they will begin or think they are prepared for a relationship?
No one knows if they like a person enough immediately or if they are actually worth going further with, emotionally or physically. Taking the time to discover what is necessary about another for a relationship appears to be something many are unwilling to do. Undoubtedly, this contributes to some quickly-begun relationships or marriages that don't work out, having based it merely upon a seeming sexual chemistry.
Someone on here, an older woman, brought this up. Some guys stated they don't want to waste time on a woman they're not sexually compatible with. But they don't mind wasting time on sex with a woman they may be compatible with there, but nowhere else for a relationship. Going both ways on having 1, but not the other.
If someone has sex with someone, and the sex is great, chemistry and the whole thing. Then they go on to spend time getting to know the person, and find they aren't a good match for anything but sex. Some are mature enough to forget about trying to build a romantic relationship. But the you have others who will cling to trying to make a relationship work with the wrong person because the sex was great. So to hang on to that, they try forcing a relationship with an, otherwise, incompatible person. Then you have couples who are together mainly based on sex. But somehow trying to have a relationship based around nothing but sex is less times-wasting than having a relationship based around the mental and emotional aspect outside of sex, and possibly not being compatible.
Waiting to have sex. - You date someone and you both connect very well emotionally. Similar beliefs, ambition,physical attraction is present, both who have similar interest in terms of activities enjoyedand things are perfect there. Then sex happens and it's not gonna work in the department. So even if you connect well outside of bed, not connecting inside will kill everything. Understandable.
Have sex immediately - Find the Chemistry is terrific and everything is great there. Only you start spending more time having sex with them than really getting to know them. And when you finally start trying to connect, non-sexually, you find you're not a match there. So for a solid romantic relationship that won't work either, which is also very understandable.
Both of those seem frustrating. But it seems some lean toward the second one being the lesser of 2 evils and the correct way to go. And only way I could see it is because the second one has everyone getting instant gratification with sex, thus it's not wasted time if everything is good there and one is being sexually serviced. But it is wasted time if no sex is involved, or if the sex happens, and wasn't good and no chemistry was present. But this is when you have 1 but not the other. It's like others who think a marriage was a waste of time if one party decided they didn't want to have children. A few posters mentioned this about a woman who wanted kids, then after marriage, her husband decided that he no longer did. Some stated he should have realized that before he wasted her time. And a few were appalled that her time with her husband was wasted because no baby resulted in it.
Last edited by HappyRain; 02-03-2016 at 06:02 AM..
Honestly, I would. Maybe even longer if he wanted to (although these guys don't exist LOL). But that is ONLY if he's serious with me and only talking to me. If we're talking and he's messing with other girls at the same time, that's a hell ****in no. I just embrace the fact that we are learning about each other, spending time to get to know one another than just on a physical level. And often times when I like a guy, it's more just physical attraction. If you've got the personality and I can talk to you for endless hours, I have NO problem waiting. If anything, the tension builds up and it's kind of a fun game for me, hah.
If you can get on City-Data you are probably a human being. Human beings unlike (unspayed) dogs or cats can make mind over matter decisions and abstain from sex after puberty. There is no other creature on the planet that arbitrarily decides to abstain from sex although physically able to do so.
I'm not judging. I'm just stating a fact: sex now, or sex later has zero impact on anyone other than yourself and the person you are involved with. The pastor, or your parents or the media you have consumed (you didn't think of this on your own) that have indoctrinated you to think that waiting for a relationship, or marriage, before having sex, will not be the ones who experience any negative (or positive) consequences from your actions.
I have been with my present wife for over 10 years and we had sex on the first date. My ex-wife made me wait several months and we have been divorced for over 20 years. In between those extremes has been every combination of one night stand to longer term things, the majority were of the early sex variety.
I absolutely do not lose sleep over women that want to wait months before having sex anymore. Experience has taught me that there are way more women that are up for anything than I could ever take care of by myself. Some people just aren't that sexual, and that is fine, what is sad is that in most cases these people don't even know what they want. They are acting out points of view that are held by someone else. Someone else who may not even believe the crap that they are advocating.
That pastor telling women that a contractor that gets paid up front won't do as good a job... ... if you could follow him around undetected... that mother riding herd on her daughters... if they ever knew the truth about her past... ...
No question, there are risks associated with sex. Physical and emotional. But the reality is, if, for whatever reason, you find yourself an adult who is not in a committed relationship, or marriage... being conservative about sex, in any way, will limit your dating choices. You limit yourself to other people with sex hang-ups. I'm sure many of them are nice people, but... So, I think I am on solid ground in suggesting that if you cannot abide easy sex, get married early and call it good.
Right, that's the difference - "making" a guy wait even though you really like him, which could be manipulative depending on your motivations (not always though if you have a history of being impulsive in a bad way) versus really hitting it off with a guy and saying yeah, I'm good with this.
Most men don't get that there could be a difference and that depending on the guy it is perfectly reasonable. Easier just to say, "she's holding out, so I'm outta here" than to say, " if I hold on a week or two it might be great. and what's the big deal of waiting to see".
Hahah - now I see I misread your question about - I was responding in terms of whether a woman had a rule to ALWAYS wait 2 months regardless. Sure, I'd wait two months - why not - you're not saying we're exclusive yet, right?
A man may say "If she doesn't have sex right away, I'm out of there!"
A woman may say "If he has to have sex right away, he can go ____ himself!"
OR
A man may say "If she doesn't do it by __ dates, then she's not into me and will stop seeing her".
A woman may say "If he is not going to wait until I am ready, then he is not worth being with".
So, what now?
I wonder how much of this is a problem due to set ideas and how much could change if people did not have a particular outlook based upon conditioning?
Well, the "what now" is...either you're ultimately going to click on this issue or you aren't.
Indeed, if one party or the other feels deprived, or pushed...then that in itself is probably a fair indicator that the relationship is, or isn't, going to work in general.
I totally agree on this.. and that is why I let the guy wait. I want to connect on a level deeper than just sexual compatibility. If the guy is smart, witty, charming, chivalrous, down to earth, and easy to get along then the sex can wait. By then, I've figured we are compatible enough to not drive each other crazy, and that would just build up the tension more and more for me. And honestly, sex is sex.. unless you are extremely bad at it, I've never met a guy where we hit it off but the sex was "so bad" that I had to break it off. And the more you spend time with one another, the more you learn what each other like and don't like and you can always "improve" on that aspect. And gawd knows how some ppl can mix emotions with sex, that's why fwb often times doesn't work out. One always develop feeling for the other.. and I don't want the sex to shrewd my perception of him or the relationship. Not saying it will, but if I can just get to know someone on a spiritual, mental, and emotional level, the sexual connection can definitely wait .
I agree with the beginning of your post but the end of it we will have to agree to disagree lol-ime there is such a thing as bad sex, sex cannot always be improved-even when you care deeply about the other, and some people can be compatible in many ways but lack chemistry in the bedroom, they can have different libidos, different levels of freakiness, be smaller than I prefer, etc. Sex is just sex, but like most things depending on the person it can be more or less complex, and complicated so that means that it can often be just as important as the other aspects in building a relationship foundation.
I personally am like you, and need to build a connection, and a relationship foundation of some sort with that person before I feel comfortable having sex with "said" man so I do wait to have sex and feel no regrets or reservation about doing so. I am secure with who I am, and I know my worth and value enough to understand that there are men that will see my value and worth and be okay with waiting until we both are ready and comfortable to get physically intimate. However even with this foundation, and the feelings I may develop, if the sex isn't good between us due to lack of sexual chemistry I will not be interested in progressing the relationship unfortunately.
Despite the fact that I wait to get physically intimate, I do try to have conversations and communicate about beliefs regarding sex etc to make sure we are on a similar page, I also have been crass enough to ask for d pictures since size is important to me lol. Usually making out and other activities that don't involve oral or piv give me a somewhat good idea about the chemistry between us.
I have to admit that I've never had the urge to f*** a man on a first date. Ever. It just does not happen. I have had urges on third dates and such but chose not to act because despite the urges I didn't feel comfortable enough or like i knew the man enough or understood our arrangement enough to feel that it was a wise decision for me. That's just me-understandably some guys moved on and later told me they assumed I wasn't interested because I didn't sleep with them. I did not feel bad because I wasn't invested yet.
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Then, they will begin or think they are prepared for a relationship? 
