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All of what you want is attainable, now more than ever, in today's times. With women able to support themselves and have access to reliable birth control, there is no longer the urgent need for them to marry for economic reasons. Plenty, however, still choose to marry for love and commitment. To be fair, you should state your desires not to marry, have children, or cohabitate very early in the relationship. It will save you and them a lot of time and future grief.
If you are certain you never want children, I would urge you to have a vasectomy to protect yourself from unintended pregnancy and future claims for child support. Check out some of the "child free" groups to find a like-minded female.
I have only been on two dates in my life but during both I made sure to let them know this right off the bat, I do not want to waste my time or hers.
A vasectomy is something I have been thinking about for years, I know my age could be deterrent but I do want to have this done as soon as I can.
Well Said, I used the word "Unique" based on for the most part that is what most people do Date, Move in together, Get married and have kids, buy a house. I think it is rare/unique to not want most of this and I understand myself to know and realize this. ...
"Unique" is a bit exaggerated, but it is indeed rare. Even worse, most persons in my area who don't care for the trappings of traditional family, also tend to be on the margins of society. They have dead-end jobs, heavy loads of debt, health problems, mental illness and so forth. Persons whose lives are well-sorted almost invariably couple up and have children. This holds for both men and women. And amongst those who are child-free by choice, so many have also disavowed relationships. It's very rare to find a relationship-minded person who is still single (or single again), who is child-free, and whose life is more or less making solid progress. In sum, it seems that the desire to not have children, is more of a response to suffering and duress, than a philosophical goal.
My own concern is actually complementary to that of the OP. I've found that child-free women generally don't want to marry, or even to move in together. They would actually prefer something akin to what the OP prefers. This makes his task somewhat easier.
What about the question of age? Are things easier at David0966's age, than at JimBrown333's? Yes and no. Presumably by 49, most women who haven't already had kids, aren't interested in trying to have them. But depending on one's locale, it may be prodigiously difficult to find women in that age bracket, who haven't already had kids. For many, their kids are already adults. Others still have school-age children. This is where being in a more heartland/blue-collar area; there, people likely become parents at an earlier age, so that by the late 40s, the kids are adults. In a more coastal/white-collar area, those kids may not yet even be teenagers.
"Unique" is a bit exaggerated, but it is indeed rare. Even worse, most persons in my area who don't care for the trappings of traditional family, also tend to be on the margins of society. They have dead-end jobs, heavy loads of debt, health problems, mental illness and so forth. Persons whose lives are well-sorted almost invariably couple up and have children. This holds for both men and women. And amongst those who are child-free by choice, so many have also disavowed relationships. It's very rare to find a relationship-minded person who is still single (or single again), who is child-free, and whose life is more or less making solid progress. In sum, it seems that the desire to not have children, is more of a response to suffering and duress, than a philosophical goal.
My own concern is actually complementary to that of the OP. I've found that child-free women generally don't want to marry, or even to move in together.They would actually prefer something akin to what the OP prefers. This makes his task somewhat easier.
What about the question of age? Are things easier at David0966's age, than at JimBrown333's? Yes and no. Presumably by 49, most women who haven't already had kids, aren't interested in trying to have them. But depending on one's locale, it may be prodigiously difficult to find women in that age bracket, who haven't already had kids. For many, their kids are already adults. Others still have school-age children. This is where being in a more heartland/blue-collar area; there, people likely become parents at an earlier age, so that by the late 40s, the kids are adults. In a more coastal/white-collar area, those kids may not yet even be teenagers.
good points, I cant speak for others but I have a good job, no huge amounts of debt, no mental illness, I am type 1 diabetic (have been since 1999, but it is under control) other than that no real issues. this "child-free" movement is new to me never heard the term before until now, will have to look into it more.
I agree with this very much, on both of the dates I have been on in my life I always let the girl know my stance on Marriage and kids right off the bat. no surprises with me.
Both?!? LOL.
Methinks you are going to have to dramatically increase those numbers if you want to find what you are looking for.
Methinks you are going to have to dramatically increase those numbers if you want to find what you are looking for.
LOL! you are right, like i said i usually psych my self out and do not make an effort, i have only tried twice and got dates both times, I feel this year I will make more of an effort.
This is my first thread (still fairly new to the message boards), I wanted to explain my situation and get some feedback on it. I am 29 years old (I will be turning 30 in December) and I have never had a girlfriend,kissed a girl or done anything with one in the past. I do not have a problem talking to girls or making friends with them and I am sure if I tried to I could get dates with them, here is where my situation differs from most.
Don´t you think you're missing something? Have a girlfriend, kiss a girl or hanging out with her is not transferred immediately to have to live with it for the rest of your life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JimBrown333
As I have gotten older I have learned a lot about my self and one of the things I have learned about myself is how I want to live my life, I do not want to get married, Have kids or live with a future girlfriend (i need my space). Sometimes I feel like I could make an attempt to get to know a girl but then I think to myself and I assume most woman want one of the three things I am against and decide not to take it down that road. I was curious to hear from anyone who would like to comment, with how I want to live my life is it worth the time to ever make the effort with woman or not even worry about.
Many women think like you and that's not stops them to try to have a relationship with someone else.
Don´t you think you're missing something? Have a girlfriend, kiss a girl or hanging out with her is not transferred immediately to have to live with it for the rest of your life.
Many women think like you and that's not stops them to try to have a relationship with someone else.
Maybe you are gay but you have not noticed.
I know it does not immediately (which I admit is probably not the best way to think about it). How I would it approach it going forward is let her know how i feel (regarding kids,marriage and co-habitat) if after she finds that out and still wants to continue then I would be happy to experience all of those things you mentioned, i did with my previous dates and in none of those cases was there a date number two, which was fine.
I am not against trying (i intend to put more effort into it this year) so well see what happens. I don't know where you got the "gay" idea from.
"Unique" is a bit exaggerated, but it is indeed rare. Even worse, most persons in my area who don't care for the trappings of traditional family, also tend to be on the margins of society. They have dead-end jobs, heavy loads of debt, health problems, mental illness and so forth. Persons whose lives are well-sorted almost invariably couple up and have children. This holds for both men and women. And amongst those who are child-free by choice, so many have also disavowed relationships. It's very rare to find a relationship-minded person who is still single (or single again), who is child-free, and whose life is more or less making solid progress. In sum, it seems that the desire to not have children, is more of a response to suffering and duress, than a philosophical goal.
My own concern is actually complementary to that of the OP. I've found that child-free women generally don't want to marry, or even to move in together. They would actually prefer something akin to what the OP prefers. This makes his task somewhat easier.
What about the question of age? Are things easier at David0966's age, than at JimBrown333's? Yes and no. Presumably by 49, most women who haven't already had kids, aren't interested in trying to have them. But depending on one's locale, it may be prodigiously difficult to find women in that age bracket, who haven't already had kids. For many, their kids are already adults. Others still have school-age children. This is where being in a more heartland/blue-collar area; there, people likely become parents at an earlier age, so that by the late 40s, the kids are adults. In a more coastal/white-collar area, those kids may not yet even be teenagers.
Your conceptions (funny word choice - ha!) of the child-free are not my experience at all. Maybe your area is different, but in my area, the child-free are typically more career-oriented than less, and it's the ones with kids who typically have the most debt, because kids are expensive. Ever heard of "DINKS", which stands for Double Income No Kids? Still, I think it's a good thing if people with health/mental problems or money problems choose not to have children.
I know, if I'd had kids, that I would've definitely had mental illness, so that's why I chose not to. It's not that I dislike kids, I just didn't want the job of parent. I prefer having just a day job as compared to a 24/7 job. I had an idyllic childhood with great parents, but I also had some childless relatives who lived really cool lives, so theirs was the example I followed. Same with my husband. I married at age 30 nearly 25 years ago. At that time, we felt like we were "living on the fringes" because we weren't having children like everyone else. We love family life and have a dozen nieces and nephews we love to spoil. We enjoy being the "weird" aunt and uncle.
My husband and I are both fiercely independent. While we share many common interests, we also have separate interests that require a lot of travel and time apart. This works for us, but I think some relationships could not handle it.
I am very particular about my living space. My husband, not so much. This has required some compromise on my part, but it's worth it. There are things he has compromised on with me. That said, there are some things that are definite deal-breakers and some things that can be compromised on.
Your conceptions (funny word choice - ha!) of the child-free are not my experience at all. Maybe your area is different, but in my area, the child-free are typically more career-oriented than less, and it's the ones with kids who typically have the most debt, because kids are expensive. Ever heard of "DINKS", which stands for Double Income No Kids? Still, I think it's a good thing if people with health/mental problems or money problems choose not to have children.
I know, if I'd had kids, that I would've definitely had mental illness, so that's why I chose not to. It's not that I dislike kids, I just didn't want the job of parent. I prefer having just a day job as compared to a 24/7 job. I had an idyllic childhood with great parents, but I also had some childless relatives who lived really cool lives, so theirs was the example I followed. Same with my husband. I married at age 30 nearly 25 years ago. At that time, we felt like we were "living on the fringes" because we weren't having children like everyone else. We love family life and have a dozen nieces and nephews we love to spoil. We enjoy being the "weird" aunt and uncle.
My husband and I are both fiercely independent. While we share many common interests, we also have separate interests that require a lot of travel and time apart. This works for us, but I think some relationships could not handle it.
I am very particular about my living space. My husband, not so much. This has required some compromise on my part, but it's worth it. There are things he has compromised on with me. That said, there are some things that are definite deal-breakers and some things that can be compromised on.
I agree with the part about for the most part people who are child free would be very invested in career. I have never felt that I was on the fringes with my life choices, I just felt that I am different than most and that is okay.
Your conceptions (funny word choice - ha!) of the child-free are not my experience at all. Maybe your area is different, but in my area, the child-free are typically more career-oriented than less, and it's the ones with kids who typically have the most debt, because kids are expensive. Ever heard of "DINKS", which stands for Double Income No Kids?
You make good points, and echo what I've heard from a wise and sensible young lady in private correspondence on this Forum, who also pointed out the strangeness of my personal experience. Perhaps it really is local. Depending on where the OP lives, his prospects may indeed be excellent, and far better than he fears. The problem then isn't bad odds, but how to motivate oneself to go about exploring and interacting.
I live in a conservative and economically depressed area. We do have our share of professionals, of people with thriving careers and impressive investments and so forth. It's not all meth and welfare by any means. But our DINKS are not doctors and lawyers, or accountants and engineers. They are part-time clerks at Walmart and part-time home health-aides. Success it seems here correlates so tightly with family-formation. To be sure, many people couple and reproduce without solid prospects for themselves or their children. Becoming a parent doesn't imply living a fulfilling life. But the reverse implication seems to hold; find a non-parent, and you find somebody with great struggles and frustrations. We don't have power-couples with the accouterments and accumulations of upper-middle-class suburban life, but without the kids.
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