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This is my first thread (still fairly new to the message boards), I wanted to explain my situation and get some feedback on it. I am 29 years old (I will be turning 30 in December) and I have never had a girlfriend,kissed a girl or done anything with one in the past. I do not have a problem talking to girls or making friends with them and I am sure if I tried to I could get dates with them, here is where my situation differs from most. As I have gotten older I have learned a lot about my self and one of the things I have learned about myself is how I want to live my life, I do not want to get married, Have kids or live with a future girlfriend (i need my space). Sometimes I feel like I could make an attempt to get to know a girl but then I think to myself and I assume most woman want one of the three things I am against and decide not to take it down that road. I was curious to hear from anyone who would like to comment, with how I want to live my life is it worth the time to ever make the effort with woman or not even worry about.
Do you really not want those three things, or do you think they won't happen so you are telling yourself you don't want them in order to avoid rejection? An honest answer to that will tell you whether or not it is worth the effort. Personally, I think it is hard to know you don't want something if you have never even had a sniff of it.
There are women who do not want marriage, children or co-habitation.
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The easy and likewise trite answer, is that if supposedly great and imperative things annoy us, then we can simply dispense with them, not worrying much, or seeking affirmation. But being herd-animals, we depend on confirmation and approval, on support from peers and strangers alike. We can not "go our own way" (a loaded phrase!) unless others go with us.
I'm quick to agree, that the trappings of family, for all of their rewards and joys and so forth, are also burdensome even if soundly planned, and liable to collapse despite the best of planning. So what should we do? Should we dismiss them? Should we, perhaps, leave open the possibility, but not actively seek it?
If I correctly understand the OP, he wants a romantic relationship, and not mere sex; but he doesn't want the standard suburban packaging of family. Is this hard to achieve? That much depends on one's locale, on attitude and resources. The situation is not "unique"; it's actually quite common. Neither is it unique to struggle with it. All that's unique is how we personally comprehend it, what's in our minds. And there – in "attitude" – lies the greatest problem.
Do you really not want those three things, or do you think they won't happen so you are telling yourself you don't want them in order to avoid rejection? An honest answer to that will tell you whether or not it is worth the effort. Personally, I think it is hard to know you don't want something if you have never even had a sniff of it.
Good points, but I have not wanted kids since I was 15 a decision I have stood by and will not waver on, Marriage is another thing that has never interested me, out of the three Living with someone is something I could change my mind on but it would have to be the right situation. but the other two I am not changing my mind on.
You gotta do what works for you and not worry about what others think.
thank you for that, I know what I want/don't want and i only really struggle with it when I think most woman want and I know I do not want the same things overall.
The easy and likewise trite answer, is that if supposedly great and imperative things annoy us, then we can simply dispense with them, not worrying much, or seeking affirmation. But being herd-animals, we depend on confirmation and approval, on support from peers and strangers alike. We can not "go our own way" (a loaded phrase!) unless others go with us.
I'm quick to agree, that the trappings of family, for all of their rewards and joys and so forth, are also burdensome even if soundly planned, and liable to collapse despite the best of planning. So what should we do? Should we dismiss them? Should we, perhaps, leave open the possibility, but not actively seek it?
If I correctly understand the OP, he wants a romantic relationship, and not mere sex; but he doesn't want the standard suburban packaging of family. Is this hard to achieve? That much depends on one's locale, on attitude and resources. The situation is not "unique"; it's actually quite common. Neither is it unique to struggle with it. All that's unique is how we personally comprehend it, what's in our minds. And there – in "attitude" – lies the greatest problem.
Well Said, I used the word "Unique" based on for the most part that is what most people do Date, Move in together, Get married and have kids, buy a house. I think it is rare/unique to not want most of this and I understand myself to know and realize this. and you are correct I want a meaningful relationship (which goes along with why I am a virgin, I do not believe in hooking up otherwise I wouldn't be a virgin anymore as I have had plenty of opportunities).
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