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Well I'm 35. By this age, I saw myself with a stable career and a family of my own. I doubt now I will have a family to call my own now I think that shipped as sailed. Mine or society's expectations? Well society used to value family but not so much anymore.
Well I'm 35. By this age, I saw myself with a stable career and a family of my own. I doubt now I will have a family to call my own now I think that shipped as sailed. Mine or society's expectations? Well society used to value family but not so much anymore.
I for one don't think that the ship has sailed at 35. My first mentor at work finally got out of a bad marriage and married a wonderful single mother of two. Eventually had one more child together. This all happened in their mid40s. They've been married for a while now.... and happy.
My cousin married a nice guy who was adopted. As far as I can tell, he was adopted by a couple who didn't find love until their early 50s (both travelled a lot). They adopted and created their own family together. Sadly the father passed away recently but not until they had a good 20 years together and watched their adopted son beat the odds and graduated from college.
I for one don't think that the ship has sailed at 35. My first mentor at work finally got out of a bad marriage and married a wonderful single mother of two. Eventually had one more child together. This all happened in their mid40s. They've been married for a while now.... and happy.
My cousin married a nice guy who was adopted. As far as I can tell, he was adopted by a couple who didn't find love until their early 50s (both travelled a lot). They adopted and created their own family together. Sadly the father passed away recently but not until they had a good 20 years together and watched their adopted son beat the odds and graduated from college.
People desire sex biologically, of course. But there is nothing about our species that makes us desire love. By nature, most of us could be just as fine mating with a random stranger a couple times a week, with the exception of worry about disease.
But then again, I am speaking from a male prospective. And indeed, as politically incorrect as it is to say, majority of men do not want relationships. They just want sex and understand that relationships were created by society to structure sex. At first it was marriage that provided that structure, and then it became long term relationships. The next logical step in the liberation of sex from love is to do away with relationships entirely, as we are seeing with the rise of "Tindr" "dating."
In short I'm just ahead of the curve: once relationships are rendered obsolete, sex is the next item of of our social-evolution check list.
I seem to have similar emotional needs as you. You know what I don't usually find though? large numbers of other people who do. I don't doubt that the average guy wouldn't enjoy, on some level, intercourse with a random, good-looking woman once per week, but you're completely ignoring the rituals people like, the stability people like, the having someone to have your back people like, etc. All that can't be replaced with flogging the dolphin a few more times.
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I was NOT saying advertising was THE reason, but a symptom in an over-all social disease. This idea that humans are "social animals" is harmful. We are not. We are not even "animals".
Now this, I know is bunk. Most humans are social animals. I, for example, enjoy watching movies with others even when we don't talk because I like the feeling of sharing the movie with someone. Not everyone thinks of themselves as that though.
To me, socialization feels like taking vitamins. I get depressed and feel bad without it, or at least I used to. I've been getting better at feeling comfortable in solitude, but it takes some re-training of my mind. I've always been far better at being comfortable in solitude than most people I've known though. The desire for socialization is far from some propaganda-driven thing. It's a much deeper urge for most people.
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It is tradition, the consensus reality etc that makes such thinking the case.
The good news is our species is moving away from the burdens of the "flesh" and the "heart" . The more advanced a society gets, the faster it moves away from such ideas as love and dating, and then it reaches the appex of its achievements: it forgets about sex. This is happening in Japan in large numbers:
Hopefully this trend will continue and the fraud that is romantic love will be forgotten forever.
That seems like it would be great for people who don't want relationships, but what about the people who do want relationships? There'd be no point to nothing but choking the chicken for the rest of your life when you have an interested girlfriend/boyfriend right next to you.
Many, many, many, many, many people do not think like you.
Well I'm 35. By this age, I saw myself with a stable career and a family of my own. I doubt now I will have a family to call my own now I think that shipped as sailed. Mine or society's expectations? Well society used to value family but not so much anymore.
At 35, I found myself abruptly single after a cohabiting relationship of many years, and wondered if the ship had sailed for marriage and a family for me. Four years layer, I'm married with a baby.
I couldn't care less whether others value family or relationships or not, but I do and so does my spouse.
Okay, I may get in trouble for saying this, but I have to:
So rather than reply to anything in my post you decide to just insult me and run? I am not sure how that helps anything?
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Originally Posted by victorianpunk
You take everything very, VERY literally, have no understanding of personal opinion and now don't even understand A VERY SIMPLE, VERY COMMON IDIOM!
I think, in your rush to insult me, you did not stop to actually check what it was I was having trouble understanding. The "idiom" is not what I was failing to understand. Your USE of it and why you think it applies where you used it is.
It was your use of it, not the phrase itself, to which I applied the sentence "No idea what you are trying to say with that. And quite honestly I am pretty convinced YOU do not know either.".
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Originally Posted by victorianpunk
My only conclusion is that you are on the autism spectrum.
I would say your conclusion is about as accurate as any other you have thrown out when you attack me rather than the content of my post. Which is to say: Not at all.
But when you want to come back and reply to the post rather that ignore it pretending I did not understand something I did, I am here for you.
Well I'm 35. By this age, I saw myself with a stable career and a family of my own. I doubt now I will have a family to call my own now I think that shipped as sailed. Mine or society's expectations? Well society used to value family but not so much anymore.
I think this is very true. The men I have generally attracted have not wanted the family life and I have spent years try to fit round pegs into square holes. I never envisioned my life as a single mom going through life all alone but it is what it is and it is time to accept it.
I think this is very true. The men I have generally attracted have not wanted the family life and I have spent years try to fit round pegs into square holes. I never envisioned my life as a single mom going through life all alone but it is what it is and it is time to accept it.
That sounds like settling. My wife pretty much thought the same thing as a divorced, therefore single, working mother of two who raised her daughters for 18 years all alone and with no support from their father. She'd lost all faith in men, had resigned herself to being alone and by then, rather preferred it. She was 48 when I asked her out (we'd met at work five years earlier) and I was 50 and had been divorced some years earlier myself. We've now been married almost 20 years.
Sometimes it just happens. Don't give up hope!
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