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Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,149,907 times
Reputation: 3814
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Matadora
Some people are not meant to ride. Good thing you figured it out for yourself. Bottom line stay off of a motorcycle if you hold views like this or are just too afraid.
WOW that is really reaching far where the OP never once ventured in his posts.
You are seeing this through some very self-centered selfish views. Just because the OP has been entertaining the idea that he is ready to move forward with a long standing dream of his...does not equate to choosing an inanimate object over his wife.
When I read many of these threads it's no wonder so many people are unhappily married or are in toxic strained relationships.
I suppose you think that once a person is married then right then and there all personal growth and development should stop! This is a 100% guarantee that this type of marriage will not be successful. People are evolving personally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, educationally, throughout their entire lives.
A couple that does not evolve together is a couple that will not last. It's the number one reason relationships fail...one person is on a lifetime journey of personal growth and development and the other is stagnant and fearful of change. Clingy controlling relationships breed dysfunction and unhealthy co-dependency. Trying to stop a partner from fulfilling their hopes and dreams is a recipe for a toxic relationship. I can't imagine telling my partner no, if he wanted to do something reasonable that I was not willing to do myself. Who am I to control another person's dreams?
My partner and I are so lucky we came into our relationship already aware of these traps that drain relationships dry.
It would be nice if the OP came back and told us himself. Last post of his said: I *guess* I won't but it has always been something I have wanted so it will be hard to let go.
This does not sound like a definite NO I won't do it. I will just let my dream go!
People make tough choices in a marriage. You are entitled to your opinion, which you have repeated over and over page after page.
My relationship lasted 35 years, so we set our priorities pretty good for us. It only ended because he did - of natural causes.
You seem to think your way is the only acceptable way. It isn't. My way isn't either - but it IS the only acceptable way for me. Peace.
You seem to think your way is the only acceptable way. It isn't. My way isn't either - but it IS the only acceptable way for me. Peace.
And what way is that?
It's not my way...it's really universal common sense.
It's also about understanding human nature. You can read study after study of what it does to a person when their personal growth and development is controlled through coercion or another tactics. It's a recipe for disaster and a life long journey of hell for the person being made to feel they are wrong for pursing their interests. It takes self-confidence as well as confidence in your partner to share a relationship that is not stifling to personal growth and development.
It's no fun living a lie...or to wake up years into a marriage or relationship and realize that you have been living a long lie.
I am so thankful that I found a partner who shares this view as well.
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,149,907 times
Reputation: 3814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matadora
And what way is that?
It's not my way...it's really universal common sense.
It's also about understanding human nature. You can read study after study of what it does to a person when their personal growth and development is controlled through coercion or another means. It's a recipe for disaster.
I am so thankful that I found a partner who shares this view as well.
If its universal common sense, then why is it only YOU repeating the same stuff over and over page after page.
If its so very universal and plainly common sense, one would think you would only need to post "its all about a single person's fleeting wants and desire, and their personal freedom" and anything else is coercion just once, while we all say, "yes, Matadora - you are correct."
Obviously, you are incorrect Matadora, since we aren't all saying yes.
You seem to have no consideration for this guy's wife at all. His off-hand late in the relationship want of an inanimate object trumps her life force and any thoughts she has. In my opinion, THAT is a recipe for disaster.
I don't have a problem with you and your partners relationship - and, I don't care what its based on.
That's called, "Different strokes for different folks!"
So according to you there are only 2 options. He is heartless and her fears are justified in controlling his dream?
A better alternative would be if she dealt with her loss vs. using it to control her husbands enthusiasm for something that he really wants.
He can involve her once she comes back to reality and dissociates what happened to her brother from motorcycles in general. He can invite her to the training course. Help her to become educated about motorcycling. I am sure her views about it are not even close to the reality of motorcycling.
I wonder how she reacts when she encounters people riding motorcycles when she is out on the roads. Does she instantly demonize us for our love of riding?
Motorcycles are not the real issue here. Perhaps she her views about motorcycles is just a mechanism used to hide behind unresolved emotions of what happened to her brother?
There is more going on here than him wanting a motorcycle. Once that is dealt with, it should be a non-issue for him to get one.
If it was his dream, he would have already had one. She will react however she reacts, as long as it takes.
You're advocating he choose the elusive motorcycle...what stopped him before? Is he blaming her or her brothers death for that too.
I think choosing it now, knowing how it puts fear into his wife's heart is selfish. That's my opinion.
If its universal common sense, then why is it only YOU repeating the same stuff over and over page after page.
Because most people are oblivious to common sense. Do you need evidence? Just read thorough these threads. It's plagued with folks who don't use basic common sense when dealing with relationships.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConeyGirl52
If its so very universal and plainly common sense, one would think you would only need to post "its all about a single person's fleeting wants and desire, and their personal freedom" and anything else is coercion just once, while we all say, "yes, Matadora - you are correct."
You are not the gate keeper of this thread. You don't control what and when I post. You clearly have some issue and I would appreciate it if you would deal with it vs. lashing out on me. Take your personal issue with whatever nerve I struck and deal with in a constructive manner.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConeyGirl52
Obviously, you are incorrect Matadora, since we aren't all saying yes.
What are you talking about here? I am offering a very solid perspective based on experience...not an "I am right" perspective. It's a very healthy perspective. Perhaps you need to find a more healthy way to deal with other peoples perspective vs. going on a accusatory rant. Is this all you have to offer? Well I'm not interested in your issue. I am interested in the topic of this thread.
It a clear fact that most of the naysayers are only focusing on the motorcycle part it it.
The bizarreness of it all is they have never in their life ridden a motorcycle.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConeyGirl52
You seem to have no consideration for this guy's wife at all.
That is just in your mind...not mine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConeyGirl52
His off-hand late in the relationship want of an inanimate object trumps her life force and any thoughts she has.
Why do you assume everything? This entire rant is based on assumptions. Just listen to yourself in this post. Your way of seeing it is very toxic.
It's not his want of a motorcycle that is the issue. The issue is her being emotionally traumatized about what happens to her brother and wanting to control her husband dreams because of it. She needs to deal with it. It would be good not only for her but for the relationship in general. Harboring unresolved issues for your entire life is not healthy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConeyGirl52
I don't have a problem with you and your partners relationship - and, I don't care what its based on.
Apparently you do...something about it struck a nerve in you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConeyGirl52
That's called, "Different strokes for different folks!"
You are in the wrong thread if that's the advice you are offering.
The OP needs level headed advice not people who are emotionally wound up about something they have no experience with.
My gut feeling is that what the OP posted for is the bickering that ensued. He only has two posts, brief and almost info different to the whole issue.
I think he genuinely wanted to hear what others thought about it. Too bad he as not been back to read the other perspectives. He was instantly bombarded with the naysayers who did not think this out or have any experience riding themselves.
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,149,907 times
Reputation: 3814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matadora
Because most people are oblivious to common sense. Do you need evidence? Just read thorough these threads. It's plagued with folks who don't use basic common sense when dealing with relationships.
You are not the gate keeper of this thread. You don't control what and when I post. You clearly have some issue and I would appreciate it if you would deal with it vs. lashing out on me. Take your personal issue with whatever nerve I struck and deal with in a constructive manner.
What are you talking about here? I am offering a very solid perspective based on experience...not an "I am right" perspective. It's a very healthy perspective. Perhaps you need to find a more healthy way to deal with other peoples perspective vs. going on a accusatory rant. Is this all you have to offer? Well I'm not interested in your issue. I am interested in the topic of this thread.
It a clear fact that most of the naysayers are only focusing on the motorcycle part it it.
The bizarreness of it all is they have never in their life ridden a motorcycle.
That is just in your mind...not mine.
Why do you assume everything? This entire rant is based on assumptions. Just listen to yourself in this post. Your way of seeing it is very toxic.
It's not his want of a motorcycle that is the issue. The issue is her being emotionally traumatized about what happens to her brother and wanting to control her husband dreams because of it. She needs to deal with it. It would be good not only for her but for the relationship in general. Harboring unresolved issues for your entire live is not healthy.
Apparently you do...something about it struck a nerve in you.
You are in the wrong thread if that's the advice you are offering.
The OP needs level headed advice not people who are emotionally wound up about something that have no experience with.
Well, that is because you love yourself and your bike. We get that.
This is the 'Relationships' forum, and I'm sure your love for your bike can be a part of that. I guess where you have a problem is the fact that this guy has a partner that does not love the idea of a bike, and apparently your thought process cannot fathom such would be possible.
She is entitled to the type of relationship she wants.
Don't we have a place on these huge forums where people who are emotionally wound up about their iron pony can post incessantly about what great riders they are?
If it was his dream, he would have already had one.
This is just nonsense. There are people who have dreams that it takes years to accomplish. I had been dreaming of riding along the Pacific Highway on a motorcycle since I was 8. It did not happen until 6.5 years ago.
Without any more information from the OP all you have is speculation. We don't know why he has not gotten one before...we don't even know how old he is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
She will react however she reacts, as long as it takes.
LOL this obvious.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
You're advocating he choose the elusive motorcycle...what stopped him before? Is he blaming her or her brothers death for that too.
What I am really advocating is for him to not allow anyone put a hold on his hopes and dreams due to their personal issues.
There is no sense is speculating what stopped him before until he tells us more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
I think choosing it now, knowing how it puts fear into his wife's heart is selfish. That's my opinion.
I think it's equally as selfish on her part to tell him no based on her unresolved issues.
Well, that is because you love yourself and your bike. We get that.
HA "we" It's clear that you don't get anything I say.
Why are you continuing your rant and posting off topic in this thread?
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It's plagued with folks who don't use basic common sense when dealing with relationships.
Your way of seeing it is very toxic.
