Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Because we have an aging relative who is 87, my husband is his only child and has accepted responsibility to be there for his Dad in his old age. He used to have a neighbor who would look in on him, but she moved away and now he's got no one down there.
So by far the most important thing, is that we be there for him if/when/as he needs us, and I want to get down there before it becomes an emergency. He is not able or willing to relocate, he owns a home in Chandler. But he doesn't really have the living space to comfortably accommodate us, and I don't want to impose on him like that. My work has an office in Scottsdale and we plan to live anywhere between the two that we can afford that suits our needs.
A far distant second consideration is that eventually there will be an estate to deal with. Hate to say it but reality is what it is.
And a third consideration is my need to get some distance from my young adult son. I adore the kid, but I feel he will not stand on his own feet unless I am not right there. I have to let him experience consequences, it is hard...brutally hard...for me, but I've got to stop saving him from himself. The best way for me to do that, is to be away from him for a while, though I want and intend to visit once or twice a year. This situation with my father in law gives me the perfect excuse, and sometimes I do feel like I need one.
My ex wants me out of this town, too, but I don't really care that much what he wants at this point.
(EDIT: And I get it, trust me, I've visited the area and I'm not particularly in love with it. Aside from the heat, it's very beige.)
I know you said that you didn’t want to impose on your relative in Chandler, but would it be a major issue for you to stay at his house for a “little while” you look for a suitable place to rent? ( rather than all of you actually moving in with him.) After all…... you’re moving there to help him, right?
Plus… it’s a lot better than camping during triple digit temps. ( I know that camping is/was not a consideration anyway).
Chandler is only about 30 minutes from PHX, with Gilbert, Mesa, Tempe and Scottsdale in between and on the way to PHX.
I know you said that you didn’t want to impose on your relative in Chandler, but would it be a major issue for you to stay at his house for a “little while” you look for a suitable place to rent? ( rather than all of you actually moving in with him.) After all…... you’re moving there to help him, right?
Plus… it’s a lot better than camping during triple digit temps. ( I know that camping is/was not a consideration anyway).
Chandler is only about 30 minutes from PHX, with Gilbert, Mesa, Tempe and Scottsdale in between and on the way to PHX.
We have considered that, but... Honestly, I just don't want to. Our cats are not likely to get along (they both hate other cats, and FIL's cat will urinate everywhere if she smells mine in the building even shut in a bedroom.) It would be close quarters, and relations between my husband and his Dad are sometimes a bit tense. He is going to need to get used to us even being in the same town, and build some trust that we are not barging in to take over his life. I don't feel that we get there, by starting off living in his house for a couple of weeks.
He is not ASKING us to come down there. He has, with great reluctance, accepted that it's a good idea. But he has been really hesitant to share financial information with us, didn't want to admit to my husband when he was scammed a couple of years ago, and just... He's embarrassed about getting old. And he still kinda thinks he's better of managing his own affairs and doesn't have a ton of faith in his own son.
But I'm the one factor that can change things and hopefully help smooth the way. Because FIL loved...really, REALLY loved...my husband's late mother. She passed in 2014, and honestly my husband thinks that the only reason his father did not commit suicide was that he had to take care of his wife's cat. He is scared of what may happen when the cat dies....and she's old. Well, anyhow. In a number of ways, I remind both my husband, and his Dad, of the departed Mom/Wife. I have been told numerous times by both that they wish she'd lived to meet me, we would have been peas in a pod. So his Dad, I think, is more willing to accept our involvement, and trust our intentions, if I am involved. But I still am trying to be sensitive to his feelings about this change. So yeah.
The hotel thing seriously isn't the end of the world. It's one with a little kitchen, we'd be OK. We can afford it, if we must, it would just be nice to save the money is all, which is why I'm trying to see if I can secure us a place to just arrive and take occupancy of, if possible. And even with the crazy market, there are possibilities out there, I just wish I could see them first...and the areas around them.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,763,058 times
Reputation: 41381
I’m happy to report that I had a breakthrough with a struggle over a year old. My mother who has been very much against my move to Durham seems to finally understand I think I have a good thing going in my career and my move to Charlotte. It was nice to have a conversation with her without sneaking in a plug for her Fed agency jobs, which would actually mean a pay cut to return to a high COL area.
I’m happy to report that I had a breakthrough with a struggle over a year old. My mother who has been very much against my move to Durham seems to finally understand I think I have a good thing going in my career and my move to Charlotte. It was nice to have a conversation with her without sneaking in a plug for her Fed agency jobs, which would actually mean a pay cut to return to a high COL area.
I'm really glad that your Mom is coming around to understanding and respecting your choices, Diss! It's frustrating when people think they know better than we do, what we need and how to make it happen, if we did not ask for their advice about something especially.
And I'm glad to hear that your career is going well, too.
The twins turned one today. I can’t believe it’s been a year already!
Quatorze juillet, La Fête Nationale! Happy birthday to your little ones. A true milestone, their first birthday celebration.
I remember my son's first birthday, also in July, it was also the first day I got stung (repeatedly) by a wasp, ugh! I made his themed birthday cake myself - it was a big old English sheep dog, with a poundcake base and Swiss buttercream frosting for the decoration. For his present, he got a boat to go with his little naval outfit. Great photos from a wonderful memory - don't forget to take lots of photos!
Son's going to be 28 soon - the gifts get more expensive as they get older, haha! He got a really nice watch this year from me, and has asked for a chocolate cake for his celebration. I splurged on his gift this year, since last year's present was supposed to be a trip to Europe to visit dad's side of the family, but pandemic canceled those plans. I'm not even sure if we are able to fly back and forth transatlantic yet.
Quatorze juillet, La Fête Nationale! Happy birthday to your little ones. A true milestone, their first birthday celebration.
I remember my son's first birthday, also in July, it was also the first day I got stung (repeatedly) by a wasp, ugh! I made his themed birthday cake myself - it was a big old English sheep dog, with a poundcake base and Swiss buttercream frosting for the decoration. For his present, he got a boat to go with his little naval outfit. Great photos from a wonderful memory - don't forget to take lots of photos!
Son's going to be 28 soon - the gifts get more expensive as they get older, haha! He got a really nice watch this year from me, and has asked for a chocolate cake for his celebration. I splurged on his gift this year, since last year's present was supposed to be a trip to Europe to visit dad's side of the family, but pandemic canceled those plans. I'm not even sure if we are able to fly back and forth transatlantic yet.
For my 28th birthday I started chemotherapy. That sucked. After the morning treatment I was stayibg at my parents house. I crashed. The side effects were too much. I had to travel 180 miles and was away from home. Longest nine weeks of my life.
For my 28th birthday I started chemotherapy. That sucked. After the morning treatment I was stayibg at my parents house. I crashed. The side effects were too much. I had to travel 180 miles and was away from home. Longest nine weeks of my life.
What a horrible birthday! The good news is you’re still around my friend.
For my 28th birthday I started chemotherapy. That sucked. After the morning treatment I was stayibg at my parents house. I crashed. The side effects were too much. I had to travel 180 miles and was away from home. Longest nine weeks of my life.
It sounds like you beat cancer, congratulations on that!
You are burying the lead.
We all need more good news in our life and that is great news!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
!
