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In my experience (JUST mine ), if a guy wanted something more than a hit it and quit it, he was careful to make sure *I* was the one who knew it wasn't just a hit it and quit it...IOW, I sure have never been booty-called in the middle of the night by a guy who was even semi-serious about me. Guys tend (not always...tend) to be more "careful" and do things "the right way" (the idea of this varies but there are a few generalities there) when curious about pursuing a new association as more than a quick valve release.
That's not to say this is the case with you, OP, but first of all, it's weird that he asked you what you were doing this weekend and then when you expressed an open schedule, casually went on to talk about how his weekend was already full...I get that people make plans but again, JUST MY EXPERIENCE, if a guy really wanted to get to know me better and one of the things he was doing that weekend was just hanging out with friends, he'd either cancel that or invite me along. But if he really could not/did not want to cancel/alter those plans (understandable), why go out of his way to contact you to let you know he was having all this fun this weekend without you? (???) Odd. Then, he is suddenly freed up, late at night...I mean come on...
And since, I guess there hasn't been much talk? Or...much texting?
Yeah, I don't know. I think I'd just keep looking around, personally. You don't know for a fact that the above suggestions are accurate to how this guy has been thinking but either way, you are obviously not feeling the love overall, so you just keep doing your thing, independently of him. Just my $0.02.
Looking back on the weird "what are you doing this weekend" text -- he asked me and my response was centered mostly around the fact that I was helping a friend move on Sunday. On Sunday night, when he asked me how it went, I also asked him how his day was and he said he'd spent a nice relaxing Sunday at home by himself, which was nice for him because he'd had a really busy schedule lately. So if that's really true, I'm wondering if he'd originally planned to ask me to do something on Sunday? Either way, I don't expect him to re-arrange his Friday/Saturday schedules for me after just one date that only lasted a few hours.
Of course, it's also possible he's juggling multiple girls (as manhattangirl mentioned, that seems to be how online daters do it now days, especially the men) and his Sunday explanation was a complete lie. But I guess I'll find out as I get to know him better, and despite my inner cynic, I'm going to try not to assume the worst for now.
Last edited by erica1012; 08-01-2016 at 04:45 PM..
Sounds like booty call from my vast experience, but not necessarily a bad thing. He could still like you. If you haven't heard back since then then probably not.
I dated in Chicago, New Jersey and Seattle and I feel you when it comes to guys in Seattle. Really difficult. I can get further as far as calling goes after one day wile on vacation in Florida, then in Seattle. I know a guy who moved form Seattle to Sacramento. He was single for years and when he arrived there he got a girl within a week. Hang in there. I have learned that if I have to ask myself to many questions I'm playing a losing game.
Wow, glad to hear it's not just me that has this experience! If things don't work out here in a couple years, I think I'll seriously consider moving to California or elsewhere. Prior to this I lived in Oregon and mostly dated extroverts (despite being mostly introverted myself). OR I dated introverts who made their intentions clear because they weren't too shy and also weren't on dating apps that give you endless options, like these guys are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
I have no need to look up the *Seattle Freeze*, Mr. CSD and I do not live in Seattle and he would be a tad upset if I started dating.
Perhaps your actions have put him off as much as his lack of words have put you off.
Anyway, in my experience it is best to spend more than a few hours with someone in person before thinking it is possible they are a good person. He could very well be one of the good ones you just don't know it yet.
The Seattle Freeze isn't about just dating, it's a general phenomenon that Seattle-ites in general are relatively introverted and clique-ish, and for outsiders / transplants from other cities (like myself), it's hard to find a regular group of friends. Or a regular date (read: relationship), I guess. Online dating is only making the latter worse.
THIS. This is exactly the PERFECT honest yet fair and context-aware response I needed! Thank you! I do tend to jump to conclusions (sometimes based on my own insecurities) and sometimes want to write people off right away (especially since I'm not used to Tinder and hookup culture), but having read this and many of the other posters here saying to play it cool and see how things turn out, that's what I did.
For those who were wondering -- I texted him a short/playful "Haha.. fun night? :P" text (a full 24 hrs later), and it took a couple hrs but he did reply, saying yes, he'd gone out with a couple friends and where he'd been when he texted me etc, then asked how my weekend was going and we chit-chatted a bit. He didn't exactly acknowledge the booty call aspect of the text, which I'm wondering if he was embarrassed about, so I just played along and was friendly/polite.
Yesterday night he texted asking how the move went (as mentioned, I told him I'd be spending Sunday helping a friend move), and he made friendly/enthusiastic chit chat again, then asked me out for Tuesday night and we've set a place/time. So, I guess we'll still how things will go, but all is not entirely lost
Oh, you mean contacting you late at night didn't mean that he only was interest in a booty call? And he has actually asked you out on a real date?
What a surprise!! That doesn't happen.
Everyone knows that any guy who contacts you late at night is only looking to use you for convenient sex.
Just out of pure curiosity ( intelligence gathering from across the pond more like ) what's the nightlife like? And would you class yourself as an introvert? If so is that why you are using online?
cheers...
I wouldn't say Seattle's night life is much to write home about. But I might not be the best person to ask. Generally I'd say Seattle's scene could be improved.
And yes, I'm definitely an introvert! INFJ. Sometimes confused for an extrovert in one-on-one situations because I tend to have an outgoing/bubble personality when I'm comfortable and/or tipsy, haha. But I do like my space, in general.
I'm using online dating because it's really become the norm! Even for my more extroverted girl friends, the single ones spend our outings gossiping about their last online date and how it went. It's great for connecting people but I think it's also been bad for relationships when people (men and women) are spoiled with options.
I wouldn't say Seattle's night life is much to write home about. But I might not be the best person to ask. Generally I'd say Seattle's scene could be improved.
And yes, I'm definitely an introvert! INFJ. Sometimes confused for an extrovert in one-on-one situations because I tend to have an outgoing/bubble personality when I'm comfortable and/or tipsy, haha. But I do like my space, in general.
I'm using online dating because it's really become the norm! Even for my more extroverted girl friends, the single ones spend our outings gossiping about their last online date and how it went. It's great for connecting people but I think it's also been bad for relationships when people (men and women) are spoiled with options.
According to that 16 personalities..... I'm " the entertainer " or ESFP-A ( whatever that means? All I know is I'm not shy! LOL )
I would have thought the extrovert girls would have MUCH preferred to go out all the time and meet people that way? ( I do but maybe because I'm a bloke? )
Of course, it's also possible he's juggling multiple girls (as manhattangirl mentioned, that seems to be how online daters do it now days, especially the men) and his Sunday explanation was a complete lie. But I guess I'll find out as I get to know him better, and despite my inner cynic, I'm going to try not to assume the worst for now.
You met him from Tinder... of course he is probably seeing others and keeping his options open. That is only smart in the beginning.
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), if a guy wanted something more than a hit it and quit it, he was careful to make sure *I* was the one who knew it wasn't just a hit it and quit it...IOW, I sure have never been booty-called in the middle of the night by a guy who was even semi-serious about me. Guys tend (not always...tend) to be more "careful" and do things "the right way" (the idea of this varies but there are a few generalities there) when curious about pursuing a new association as more than a quick valve release.
) what's the nightlife like? And would you class yourself as an introvert? If so is that why you are using online?
This stuff really doesn't translate well over any type of text. 
