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So, you're NOT okay with the assumption that the OP is considering chatting up somebody else and then hiding their name under an alias to be indicative of cheating (whatever her definition of cheating is).
You're not okay with the assumption that the OP is being straightforward with the info she's sharing.
However, per your earlier posts, you ARE okay with assuming that they had a child that he wasn't on board with having, you ARE okay with assuming that he hasn't cheated, you ARE okay with with speculating based on no evidence, since, as you point out, the OP's husband has not posted here, and you ARE okay with assuming that that he "probably wasn't serious about filing for divorce, he was probably just trying to hurt her and is immature."
Is that about right? Just trying to keep track of what assumptions are okay, and what assumptions aren't.
Sure are a lot of people on this forum who take these subjects far too personally...
What I DON'T like to see is someone piling on without having all, or at least a reasonable portion, of the facts.
The OP didn't provide them. She listed a few items that were key to her story of being wronged and waited for the sympathizers to show up. It helps her feel better about her situation. She hasn't provided much useful information to back up her original post, either.
What I am trying to point out is that many of the assumptions being made - including mine - are likely wrong, but without the 'rest of the story', that's all we can do. Oh, and we can make assumptions about each other. That's always fun.
Do I think he is a 'douchnozzle', considering his actions? If he acted as the OP portrayed, sure. But we got a cherry-picked version of that entire scene.
Thank you to all of you who gave respectful and honest answers. For the record, our daughter was planned. You guys are tough! Lol.
We did not get married after having a baby after someone suggested. Yes, he was on board about the baby and he couldn't wait to be a dad. No, 97 is not my birth year, it's my birthdate.
About me trying to appear as an angel in my initial post, I didn't think I did that. It takes 2. I admitted that I haven't been balancing being a wife and mother too well. I tried giving an accurate description to get the best advice. No need to hide anything here.
As someone suggested, no we did not talk about how we would handle responsibilities after baby arrived. Maybe that's where we went wrong. Either way does that grant him the freedom to seek out another? I would say no.
I genuinely tried to give both sides so that I could possibly hear from someone not emotionally attached to the situation.
He may or may not follow through with divorce but after having sometime to think, if he does then he wasn't the one for me because people don't divorce for something so petty. He was looking for a way out.
Thank you to all of you who gave respectful and honest answers. For the record, our daughter was planned. You guys are tough! Lol.
We did not get married after having a baby after someone suggested. Yes, he was on board about the baby and he couldn't wait to be a dad. No, 97 is not my birth year, it's my birthdate.
About me trying to appear as an angel in my initial post, I didn't think I did that. It takes 2. I admitted that I haven't been balancing being a wife and mother too well. I tried giving an accurate description to get the best advice. No need to hide anything here.
As someone suggested, no we did not talk about how we would handle responsibilities after baby arrived. Maybe that's where we went wrong. Either way does that grant him the freedom to seek out another? I would say no.
I genuinely tried to give both sides so that I could possibly hear from someone not emotionally attached to the situation.
He may or may not follow through with divorce but after having sometime to think, if he does then he wasn't the one for me because people don't divorce for something so petty. He was looking for a way out.
I doubt he will actually go through with seeking a divorce at this stage.
No, that does not give him the right to seek out another.
You have a new baby. The best interests of that baby are to have two loving parents who are committed to that baby and to each other. Keeping that in mind, if you can afford it, the best bet would be for you to seek out marriage counseling together to increase the chances that you can work out your differences. Even if it would be tough for you to swing, finance-wise, it would still be a wise investment in your child's future.
I am 29 and he is 34. Together for 7 years. Married 3. He cheated while we were dating (first year) I broke it off and after he suggested being completely transparent. We rebuilt or somewhat the trust. Before this week I can say I trusted him. Now I question everything (internally).
Just typing this has me answering my own questions.
By the way, today he came home to get more of his things while he knew I would be away. At least a week's worth of clothes. It's over I assume. But why be so cowardly about it and come when I'm not there. This hurts 😟 But it's clear as day what I need to do for my daughter now. He hasn't even called to check on her.
As far as the woman he was chatting week recently, I do not know. The fact that he felt the need to hide it makes me believe there is more to it. If it's just a friend why delete it? He doesn't really go anywhere but work and home. He doesn't have many friends so he doesn't hang out ever.
Ultimate betrayal: He never tells me he is unhappy, wanders in the marriage, I react, and then he tells me it's because of me. He leaves and is divorcing me because of my reaction?
As far as the woman he was chatting week recently, I do not know. The fact that he felt the need to hide it makes me believe there is more to it. If it's just a friend why delete it? He doesn't really go anywhere but work and home. He doesn't have many friends so he doesn't hang out ever.
Ultimate betrayal: He never tells me he is unhappy, wanders in the marriage, I react, and then he tells me it's because of me. He leaves and is divorcing me because of my reaction?
I smell an excuse to leave and play the victim
You are right. Too bad for your child. I would still be open to marriage counseling for the kid's sake.
I took the word "cheated" to mean that he was contacting another women for emotional support or an online thrill factor, or whatever, not that he literally had an affair. Without more info, I see it as the beginning of an emotional affair. Whether or not it would go further if undiscovered, we'll never know now.
If he got a week's worth of clothes to begin moving out, or a trial separation, or to fake the appearance of being serious about wanting divorce, then he really isn't the guy for you. His timing couldn't be worse, though. OP, some of us are curious, were there any signs of incompatibility before this? Not disagreements about day-to-day things, but lack of respect, thinly-veiled hostility possibly, manipulative tactics, that sort of thing?
Do you have someone to take care of the baby in his absence? Do you work? I hope you can get support from friends or family.
1. We have no idea what the marriage was like before the birth of the child. Are you a controlling, emotional, crying, yelling type? That may get you what you want temporarily, but it will kill off honest communication. Considering your attitude now, it could be that this has been a problem all along, which is why he reached out to someone else who would listen.
2. Talking with another woman is not cheating. Its a concern, yes. Throwing a fit about it show a lack of concern on your part for your husbands needs.
3. We had two kids. Yes, babies can be demanding, but consider that women for centuries raised more than one at the same time. My wife was taking aerobics a few months after our first was born and in 6 months she was looking pretty hot. I don't remember going without sex that long after the baby. If I remember right, we got back to business once the DR. gave the OK.
What was your sex life before the pregnancy?. If you used the pregnancy as an excuse to avoid sex, then it might just be that the husband has had enough of NO, I'm, tired, No I'm busy. No, the baby might wake up. No, I'm not in the mood.
Now that look back, there has been some manipulation. We have had disagreements. The first couple of years we argued more but not so much now. The disrespect has been towards others like waitresses or cashiers but never me until now. Silly of me to think I was different.
Our sex loge before and during pregnancy was frequent. It wasn't until baby here that it changed.
We both have established careers so I can financially care for my baby alone but his presence in her life is priceless
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