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Husband and I just had a baby 3 months ago and during this time we have only been intimate twice. Mainly because of (tmi) me being physically uncomfortable and me sleeping downstairs where the fridge and milk is in the middle of the night. So we have rarely spent time together since our daughter. I stay up with her every night because he claims he doesn't hear her crying (bs)
Recently Husband has been chatting very frequently with a childhood friend for the past month. Several minutes of the day. I saw the message notification pop up with a guy's name but did not open it because I had no reason to suspect anything but later when I was using his phone (mine suck) I didn't see the message thread at all. So I check our call records and they do not match the several messages he sent are gone and number saved under guy name. Turns out I find that she's his friend.
I confront him and he says we have been distant and that's why he has been talking. Mainly blaming me and saying I don't do for him meanwhile I don't have energy after caring for baby alone.
I flipped! You cheat and blame me? I was livid. I yelled and cursed. He ended up leaving without telling me where he was going and didn't come back. He says he is filing for divorce because of my anger.
Am I in the wrong for spazzing on him? Should I just accept that it's over.
Just spit balling here but, I'm going to go ahead and assume that your marital problems didn't start when the baby came. If I had to wager a guess, I'd say the birth of the baby just brought the existing problem to a head.
Well we had problems before the baby but nothing to not work out. Typical disagreements about lack of communication about daily tasks. We actually haven't argued in a while.
As far as my anger, im naturally a calm person. So I don't get angry often. Everyone has that button that can be pushed to make you upset. My button is disrespect from guy I'm with. I humbly went to him about what was hurting me and he called me a dumbass. Basically went me saying I'm hurt by what he did and how angry I was and that I was so disappointed in his actions...then he says well if you are tired shut up talking to be dumbass. THATS when I flipped, what would you folks have done just curious?
Well we had problems before the baby but nothing to not work out. Typical disagreements about lack of communication about daily tasks. We actually haven't argued in a while.
But your problems never were worked out, they were never resolved. That's why they're still there.
Are you trying to tell us that your husband had noidea that caring for a newborn required hellacious hours and sleep deprivation for the first year? And because caring for an infant requires hellacious hours and sleep deprivation (and he's only 3 months in!!) on your part (not his), he feels justified in flirting with another woman?
WOW! Just wow! Seriously, I can't believe this. Did he think the stork delivered babies already past the difficult 1-year mark?
Maybe you could propose a change in program: he could be the one to care for the baby in the middle of the night, every night, so that you can catch up on sleep and de-stress. Then, after de-stressing and feeling well-rested, you'll be raring to go in the bedroom. See if that's an acceptable trade-off for him.
Oh. And the other option is that he pay for a nanny to care for the child the first year or two.
But your problems never were worked out, they were never resolved. That's why they're still there.
Rocky, this is about them, not about you. She said (so far) that their only issues were re: communicating about daily chores. Not a big deal, if her statement is accurate. Though with the immaturity of her husband's response, one can't help wonder if there were other problems lurking in the background; possibly some small red flags she never noticed.
Well we had problems before the baby but nothing to not work out. Typical disagreements about lack of communication about daily tasks. We actually haven't argued in a while.
As far as my anger, im naturally a calm person. So I don't get angry often. Everyone has that button that can be pushed to make you upset. My button is disrespect from guy I'm with. I humbly went to him about what was hurting me and he called me a dumbass. Basically went me saying I'm hurt by what he did and how angry I was and that I was so disappointed in his actions...then he says well if you are tired shut up talking to be dumbass. THATS when I flipped, what would you folks have done just curious?
I would wait a bit to see where this marriage is going before deciding to have a baby with someone who disrespects me and calls me a dumbass... It seems your marriage is in trouble for some time already. A baby isn't going to patch it.
I also believe you have anger issues, otherwise your husband would not say that he is filing for divorce because of your anger.
I would wait a bit to see where this marriage is going before deciding to have a baby with someone who disrespects me and calls me a dumbass... It seems your marriage is in trouble for some time already. A baby isn't going to patch it.
I also believe you have anger issues, otherwise your husband would not say that he is filing for divorce because of your anger.
Or he could be a complete douchnozzle who is not only gaslighting her but is also apparently ignorant of how much work a new baby is.
I understand that a baby would not patch things but there weren't any major things to patch. Small things like clothes having to be re-washed because someone forgot to put them in the dryer. Either way the baby is here now, I wouldn't dare regret her either.
i came here to see if maybe I was over reacting in being upset with him. I wanted to get a neutral perspective on the situation. But as the dust settles, I realize that maybe my husband just isn't attracted to me anymore after the baby. Maybe he doesn't love me anymore. I can't even say if things can or should be fixed t this point.
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