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Um...I would **NEVER** allow ANY man on the face of this earth - no matter how much I loved him - to TELL ME WHAT TO DO and to ORDER ME around as to what *I* want to provide for MY CHILDREN, grown or not.
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NO man should EVER be as important to a woman as HER OWN CHILDREN are to her. This is the way it SHOULD be.
Thank God not every single mother or father feels this way, and gives the respect due to the stepdad or stepmom that raised those children you call "yours and only yours forever". That attitude is plain scary.
He doesn't know if this was a one time event or not until he starts going through the past finances. He might discover wife has been spending "their" money inappropriately for a long time. For some reason she felt entitled to make a unilateral decision.
OP - you mentioned the two of you have a 17 year-old daughter together. Is she planning to move with you or are you coordinating your move after she goes to college/moves out of the house?
Also, what happened with the pending separation/divorce you were heading towards in 2010? Something had to have happened to make you reconsider, because it appears both of you had new places to live once separated. Was the decision to stay together based solely on finances?
If the daughter can't pay her own phone bill I'd say it's pretty likely she can't pay a car payment. And the car payment isn't the end of it. What's full coverage insurance on a new car? Guess who is going to end up paying that? Repossess the car? Ha, the wife would just give it back to her.
He doesn't know if this was a one time event or not until he starts going through the past finances. He might discover wife has been spending "their" money inappropriately for a long time. For some reason she felt entitled to make a unilateral decision.
I would speculate that the daughter could and would pay her own phone bill, but it has never been required of her. As for the rest of your post, you make good points. I am not defending the wife, what she did was wrong.
My main point is that I don't think it is the end of the world, life-ruining, unforgivable crime that the OP is making it out to be. Not in my world, anyway. And I would be curious to hear the wife's justification for it. I can't help but wonder what she was thinking and what she would say about it.
Did you say that your daughter said she hated you and hung up on you when you tried to discuss this matter with her? That's something a 5yr old might do. I find it very concerning that a woman in her mid 20s would do this.
What does your wife say about this?
I can't ever remember talking to my parents like that after the age of, say, 5...especially not for something like this.
I would speculate that the daughter could and would pay her own phone bill, but it has never been required of her. As for the rest of your post, you make good points. I am not defending the wife, what she did was wrong.
My main point is that I don't think it is the end of the world, life-ruining, unforgivable crime that the OP is making it out to be. Not in my world, anyway. And I would be curious to hear the wife's justification for it. I can't help but wonder what she was thinking and what she would say about it.
We can speculate all day but none of us know the situation as well as the OP. We will never know if he related it to us accurately or not, but the picture he paints is one where the daughter is financially irresponsible and unlikely to cover the car payments.
I'm not saying it's end of the world or reason to get a divorce, but if the OP is not happy about the wife's financial decisions then he needs to take control - or I should say take half control - and be actively involved. Clearly he has no intentions of doing this. He has completely ignored my post and those of several others advising getting separate accounts and being more involved in joint financial decisions. He is only responding to posts dealing with the emotional and relational issues. In other words, he just wants to whine, not actually do anything about it. And his wife knows it which is why, as he puts it, has no "respect" for him. She knows she can ignore his requests, do as she pleases, and have the final word.
We can speculate all day but none of us know the situation as well as the OP. We will never know if he related it to us accurately or not, but the picture he paints is one where the daughter is financially irresponsible and unlikely to cover the car payments.
I'm not saying it's end of the world or reason to get a divorce, but if the OP is not happy about the wife's financial decisions then he needs to take control - or I should say take half control - and be actively involved. Clearly he has no intentions of doing this. He has completely ignored my post and those of several others advising getting separate accounts and being more involved in joint financial decisions. He is only responding to posts dealing with the emotional and relational issues. In other words, he just wants to whine, not actually do anything about it. And his wife knows it which is why, as he puts it, has no "respect" for him. She knows she can ignore his requests, do as she pleases, and have the final word.
His needing to take control may potentially turn his wife against him which could be divorce grounds for her.
She seems to have no respect for him, so the OP has some thinking to do on how to proceed imo.
All in all: I'm all for no divorce if possible but there are scenarios that are not conducive to stay married.
His needing to take control may potentially turn his wife against him which could be divorce grounds for her.
I amended that to take half control. He has in the past left it 100% up to her (at her request, which is odd). I didn't say take away her checkbook and credit cards and dictate what she can do. Just monitor the accounts regularly and discuss anytransactions that are questionable. If she has a problem with that then she is probably up to no good.
I guess I'm just not much for whining. My feeling is either do something about it or shut up and accept it.
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