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I have decided to give up. I mean I will not go out looking for a man with girlfriends etc. Nor will I continue online dating. I started young so have been at it for 30 years. I have everything men say they want but I just don't have strength / common sense when it comes to men. I accept myself because 30 years of effort has only caused confusion, depression and other hurts, losses, rarely any gains. Anyone just give up the search? Did anyone just fall into your life or did your love life flatline? (Which is what I'm expecting but I'm thinking at this point it's better than being taken for another roller coaster ride. Any comments would be appreciated.
Yes, I've stopped asking women out. When you put forth all the effort, and all you ever hear is "no", only a complete moron wouldn't get the message.
Of course, I'm a disabled person, and have been told repeatedly by the women I asked out that I wasn't worth dating because of it. One even looked me right in the eye and said "do you really think I'd ever go out with a retarded crippled freak like you". Another said she didn't want to waste time on somebody who shouldn't even be alive, and that the food I eat, and medicine I take were wasted on me and should go to somebody who actually deserved to live.
I've been fixed up several times, but those....well, let's just say they were a comedy of errors.
In short, I am in complete sympathy with how you feel. 30 years of constant rejection have basically turned me apathetic. Nowdays I feel that I'll either find love, or I won't. But I will no longer go looking for it. There's simply no reason to put any effort into something that just won't happen no matter what I do.
I've largely given up on love because the caliber of quality women is low. Either some of them don't have common sense or they would rather emulate their favorite reality TV star. The irony is that I've NEVER bothered to look because something tells me I'd be disappointed in what I find. Here's the thing: I'm used to being single that I've come to appreciate my freedom & independence. I'm not responsible for another person, I don't have to compromise, deal with the ups and downs of a relationship; life is good for me this way. I'm not the kind of man that likes to date multiple women JUST to find the right one, let alone date the wrong women in order to find the right one or appreciate a good woman (that's stupid IMO). I'd rather get it right the first time, and that takes discernment to know the right woman who comes into my life.
Yes, I've stopped asking women out. When you put forth all the effort, and all you ever hear is "no", only a complete moron wouldn't get the message.
Of course, I'm a disabled person, and have been told repeatedly by the women I asked out that I wasn't worth dating because of it. One even looked me right in the eye and said "do you really think I'd ever go out with a retarded crippled freak like you". Another said she didn't want to waste time on somebody who shouldn't even be alive, and that the food I eat, and medicine I take were wasted on me and should go to somebody who actually deserved to live.
I've been fixed up several times, but those....well, let's just say they were a comedy of errors.
In short, I am in complete sympathy with how you feel. 30 years of constant rejection have basically turned me apathetic. Nowdays I feel that I'll either find love, or I won't. But I will no longer go looking for it. There's simply no reason to put any effort into something that just won't happen no matter what I do.
That's foul of those women to respond in that manner, but at least you know what kind of women NOT to involve yourself with.
I'm used to being single. Mostly I'm just not all that good at being funny and playful, and I don't come on super strong and super sexual like they expect. I need to get to know them before I develop strong feelings for them. I'm convinced if they gave me a chance they'd be happy, but they never go that long and typically go on first impressions. I'm more snarky and sarcastic, and introverted. Even the introvert women seem to want the outgoing men, and the ones that don't are inevitably taken, and I'm not the type who's going to go in, try to be their friend, and steal them away from the man they're with. The demand for the quiet introvert women is very high and the competition is pretty fierce. There just isn't a high enough pool of them so I've decided to focus on improving myself for it's own sake and not chase after women who tend to have high standards and lots of choice these days or ones that are super outgoing and just plain never shut up. If they come to me, great... but they rarely do.
Eventually they might, maybe not. I'm not losing much sleep over it anymore. They want exciting men, not stable, boring provider types. I don't even consider myself boring, but I know what I like and it's not what many of them seem to want.. constant social interaction from sun up to sun down. Give me a hiking trail with nobody around and I'm on cloud nine. I know intellectually what they want but just don't care enough to change just to attract one that would ultimately just drive me nuts anyways. I don't want to constantly have to put on an act of being cocky/funny/dirty/outgoing when it's not really who I am. I'll take my financial security and move somewhere warm and smoke a bowl on a sailboat with the sound of the wind and the ocean and the seagulls when I get older. I like my wide open, desolate, quiet, open spaces. Packed rooms full of loud people laughing and gossiping are what most women seem to want, which is not my thing. The ones who want the quieter life I never seem to run into.
It doesn't help where I live and doesn't help I eat a gluten free diet. People around here are addicted to pizza.
I sympathize with the OP. It's not that I gave up per se, it's that I don't see a good reason or incentive to pursue it in the first place. How so? I have a beef with being "not good enough to have casual sex with, but good enough to settle down with".
For most of my post-puberty life, I struggled immensely with dating. I didn't get remotely good at attracting women until age 27. Which gave me a very short window of time to date around casually, before people my age---both men and women---started settling down in droves. Today, well into my 30's, I've gotten pretty decent at finding dates, even if nowhere near the level of naturally attractive men. I know because a number of women showed interest in me over the last two years. Even so, I can't help but wonder if the women I attract today are into me for all the wrong reasons: they like me for the stability I can provide, rather because they think I'm handsome and fun.
A couple years ago, I went on a date with this woman I met online. She was 33. Well, let's just say she proved me right. Not only that, she actually said it.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 11-16-2017 at 01:12 PM..
Of course, I'm a disabled person, and have been told repeatedly by the women I asked out that I wasn't worth dating because of it. One even looked me right in the eye and said "do you really think I'd ever go out with a retarded crippled freak like you". Another said she didn't want to waste time on somebody who shouldn't even be alive, and that the food I eat, and medicine I take were wasted on me and should go to somebody who actually deserved to live.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
I got ghosted by 3 girls in October. I was DONE with pursuing women at that time when on Halloween the girl who is my girlfriend and I have a convo on how busted dating is today and here we are. No sooner that I decided to stop looking, an awesome match came along.
I got ghosted by 3 girls in October. I was DONE with pursuing women at that time when on Halloween the girl who is my girlfriend and I have a convo on how busted dating is today and here we are. No sooner that I decided to stop looking, an awesome match came along.
Great story 😊
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That's foul of those women to respond in that manner, but at least you know what kind of women NOT to involve yourself with.
