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Either way, give up on love if you want but to do that because of some fear of hard work or fear of opening up? You never really wanted it anyways then.
You have no idea how preachy this sounds, but I'll let it slide. I remember "really wanting a girlfriend" all through high school, and in my first year of college. Until---oh, happy day!---I found one, when a girl showed interest in me. Only to be hit with a big let-down: I wasn't having fun with her at all. The redeeming part was that she gave me my first kiss. But in the end, I got to see how tedious and unsatisfying relationships really are; that they're not this magical thing that will make a man happy.
This let-down had a net positive effect: it helped me cool my jets, as far as "wanting a girlfriend/relationship" was concerned. For a long while, I continued to seek out a relationship anyway, because it's what society considers normal. But in the last two years, when I saw relationships unfold among people in my social circle, I lost the last remaining traces of interest in it.
I stand by my opinion: not wanting a relationship because you don't want to be joined at the hip 24/7, is no different than not wanting to join the military because you don't want to do push-up drills at 4:30 AM. And there's nothing wrong or immoral about it.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 11-18-2017 at 11:56 PM..
I guess a part of me always wants to give up. I got beat pretty bad by a boyfriend and had to be in the hospital. It was a super low point in my life and after I experienced that I told myself that I never wanted to date anyone again or even try. I was in a lot of pain (not just physically) and it wasnt the first time a guy had put his hands on me or hit me. But the reason why I was ready to give up was more because at the time I thought what I had experienced WAS love and my thinking wasnt right. I just thought it wasnt worth it to me because if love is me getting hurt emotionally & physically then it's definitely not worth it. I didn't want to date again.
But then my thinking changed and I realized that I did want to love again. I go back and forth but I guess I'm a love addict lol. I'm addicted to how it feels.
I guess a part of me always wants to give up. I got beat pretty bad by a boyfriend and had to be in the hospital. It was a super low point in my life and after I experienced that I told myself that I never wanted to date anyone again or even try. I was in a lot of pain (not just physically) and it wasnt the first time a guy had put his hands on me or hit me. But the reason why I was ready to give up was more because at the time I thought what I had experienced WAS love and my thinking wasnt right. I just thought it wasnt worth it to me because if love is me getting hurt emotionally & physically then it's definitely not worth it. I didn't want to date again.
But then my thinking changed and I realized that I did want to love again. I go back and forth but I guess I'm a love addict lol. I'm addicted to how it feels.
The human condition is an odd one for sure.
I watched my mom get beaten up by men, two different men and I swore to my self at a young tender age that love relationships are dog**** and probably best to be avoided. Powerless at 10 isn't something that makes for well rationed thought later in life.
Raw uncensored thinking isn't good for the young mind. It shadows clear thought and makes for uncomfortable bedfellows when older. Logic and reason doesn't' coexist with previous knowledge. All of this makes for much cognitive bias and uncomfortable situations in the ol' noodle.
I watched my mom get beaten up by men, two different men and I swore to my self at a young tender age that love relationships are dog**** and probably best to be avoided. Powerless at 10 isn't something that makes for well rationed thought later in life.
Raw uncensored thinking isn't good for the young mind. It shadows clear thought and makes for uncomfortable bedfellows when older. Logic and reason doesn't' coexist with previous knowledge. All of this makes for much cognitive bias and uncomfortable situations in the ol' noodle.
That happened to my mom to. I watched it growing up. I know what you are talking about, I hated being a kid. I just felt like I had no choices or no say in anything, your right, you just feel like you have no power.
My mom always fought back though, gave it back. I never did because I was scared, I never wanted to make things worse on myself.
after a lot of thinking about it I realized I stayed in my bad relationships because even if they beat me, it didn't matter, I just wanted to feel something. In my day to day life I didn't feel anything and was really lonely. I thought that getting beat was better then not getting anything and thats the wrong way to think :/
That happened to my mom to. I watched it growing up. I know what you are talking about, I hated being a kid. I just felt like I had no choices or no say in anything, your right, you just feel like you have no power.
My mom always fought back though, gave it back. I never did because I was scared, I never wanted to make things worse on myself.
after a lot of thinking about it I realized I stayed in my bad relationships because even if they beat me, it didn't matter, I just wanted to feel something. In my day to day life I didn't feel anything and was really lonely. I thought that getting beat was better then not getting anything and thats the wrong way to think :/
Be strong, do right, do right by yourself and don't ever let anyone or anything keep you down. I'd say that to anyone, in any situation.
I've gone on to live a good life and I wish that for everyone who's been in situations that aren't ideal.
Get up. Stand up. Do right and be strong.......Don't ever let anyone bring you down...EVER.....
I am DONE. Done with dating. Done with men. I thought I had found the one. But it turns out he is merely a great liar. And Aspergers. 61 years old. He will never change.
I'm on the other side, completely done with women and all the drama. I can live without it. Most guys only go after women for the sex. Once you get over that and don't let them control you for that, you realize its all a game.
Dating is just a back and forth of people deciding who has control. By the way there is no such thing as "the one". And "love" is just an emotion people want to believe. Just look at when something happens the other way and love gets thrown out the window.
The only people I love is family that has respected me for numerous years, not some woman who you know for 4, 6, 8, or so months. Everytime I say this, people call me out, but I'm being realistic that is all. People let their emotions get in the way of their feelings, simply as that.
I'm on the other side, completely done with women and all the drama. I can live without it. Most guys only go after women for the sex. Once you get over that and don't let them control you for that, you realize its all a game.
Dating is just a back and forth of people deciding who has control. By the way there is no such thing as "the one". And "love" is just an emotion people want to believe. Just look at when something happens the other way and love gets thrown out the window.
The only people I love is family that has respected me for numerous years, not some woman who you know for 4, 6, 8, or so months. Everytime I say this, people call me out, but I'm being realistic that is all. People let their emotions get in the way of their feelings, simply as that.
I send 100 messages to women on POF asking about things directly stated in their profile to get a grand total of 2 replies, and it sours your take on the opposite sex. I'd say these dating sites are probably part of the problem. I should get off them.
Just act super funny, super confident, super cocky, and super edgy, and ignore everything they say or write in their profile. This is the only thing that gets me any luck, but I don't want the women I attract in this manner. They are just more of a pain than they are worth. It's like they aren't very self aware of what they really want in life, they just kind of go with the flow and direct themselves to any man that stimulates their feelings, which is why they get their heart broke so easily... they don't date with any strategic goal in mind, or look at a man's overall qualifications. You shouldn't go having 3 kids with a man who's a gambling addict and has drinking problems, yet they do because he stimulates them emotionally and she thinks she can "fix" him. We can seriously share 7 different interests and I can ask about them and she won't reply, but the instant I throw in some raunchy, funny sexual comment, it's game on. For me that's a big turn OFF. Oh, it's another one of them...
I like watching those prison shows and there's one thing universal about prison inmates, even young ones 18-20 years old.. they always seem to have multiple kids even though they are revolving door types of men who will be in and out of the system for life.. it's much easier to be a thug than to be a stable, boring, provider male and attract women. haha. I think the prison sentences actually benefit these relationships to a degree.. neither person spends enough time together to get sick of each other, because they can't.
You have no idea how preachy this sounds, but I'll let it slide. I remember "really wanting a girlfriend" all through high school, and in my first year of college. Until---oh, happy day!---I found one, when a girl showed interest in me. Only to be hit with a big let-down: I wasn't having fun with her at all. The redeeming part was that she gave me my first kiss. But in the end, I got to see how tedious and unsatisfying relationships really are; that they're not this magical thing that will make a man happy.
This let-down had a net positive effect: it helped me cool my jets, as far as "wanting a girlfriend/relationship" was concerned. For a long while, I continued to seek out a relationship anyway, because it's what society considers normal. But in the last two years, when I saw relationships unfold among people in my social circle, I lost the last remaining traces of interest in it.
I stand by my opinion: not wanting a relationship because you don't want to be joined at the hip 24/7, is no different than not wanting to join the military because you don't want to do push-up drills at 4:30 AM. And there's nothing wrong or immoral about it.
Never said you have to want a relationship or that it’s immoral to not want one. I realize it’s not for everyone. Doesn’t sound like it’s for you. That’s great that you recognize that! I’ve never been joined at the hip to any of my exes. Not sure where you get that from though. I’ve always had my own identity. My point is, most people don’t give up on love cause they don’t want it, they do it cause they’re hurt and don’t want to get hurt again. i get that completely, but i think it’s sad..just my opinion, that nobody has to agree with. That’s different than just realizing relationships are just not for you, which it seems like that’s the boat you’re in.
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<3 Bless you
