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Never said you have to want a relationship or that it’s immoral to not want one. I realize it’s not for everyone. Doesn’t sound like it’s for you. That’s great that you recognize that! I’ve never been joined at the hip to any of my exes. Not sure where you get that from though. I’ve always had my own identity. My point is, most people don’t give up on love cause they don’t want it, they do it cause they’re hurt and don’t want to get hurt again. i get that completely, but i think it’s sad..just my opinion, that nobody has to agree with. That’s different than just realizing relationships are just not for you, which it seems like that’s the boat you’re in.
I got it from my friends. When they got into relationships, they moved in with their respective girlfriends very quickly, and immediately became joined at the hip 24/7/365 (excluding work). They even refused to weightlift at the gym with me for an hour, "because you're not supposed to go places separately"; forget bars and such! (And weightlifting is a prerogative of men, for the most part.) Ditto for all men in my extended social circle, at least outside of Meetup. That's when I realized that relationships just aren't for me.
I did have two additional true relationship experiences after my first one, and neither was good. One girlfriend seemed to be on a hunt for man to have a baby with, and another treated me quite poorly at times. I did some casual dating as well, and actually found myself enjoying a whole lot more than relationships. My problem today is that most women my age (mid 30's) don't want to do casual dating.
I wouldn't say I have totally given up, but I no longer make it a priority. I don't have a problem meeting women, and getting women to date, it just gets old after a while. I have been married three times, and I guess I marry the wrong people, although my second marriage lasted ten years. We eventually separated, and she ended up becoming an alcoholic, and prescription drug abuser, then committed suicide. My last wife either had Borderline Personality Disorder, or was Bi-Polar, or both, and I ended pulling the plug on that one after six years of marriage. So, now I am very wary of the women I meet, and just don't have the patience to compromise, or deal with them anymore.
I certainly haven't given up I haven't even been single too terribly long. I'm still kind of enjoying it actually, got another guys trip planned for next month. However eventually I reach a point where I'm like ok enough is enough, don't want to be single forever.
I just don't look for anything long term in my area. Which is basically an area where every decent woman over 30 has twenty guys chasing her, and I refuse to settle. I talk to people long distance now in other states, and other countries both.
As a late bloomer in a horrible part of the country for an older guy, I refuse to let the system work against me. I will turn being a late bloomer into an advantage and not even take my area into account or factor it into the equation. I see the world as my dating pool.
Last edited by wanderlust76; 11-19-2017 at 12:08 PM..
I'm on the other side, completely done with women and all the drama. I can live without it. Most guys only go after women for the sex. Once you get over that and don't let them control you for that, you realize its all a game.
Dating is just a back and forth of people deciding who has control. By the way there is no such thing as "the one". And "love" is just an emotion people want to believe. Just look at when something happens the other way and love gets thrown out the window.
The only people I love is family that has respected me for numerous years, not some woman who you know for 4, 6, 8, or so months. Everytime I say this, people call me out, but I'm being realistic that is all. People let their emotions get in the way of their feelings, simply as that.
I agree with ALL of this. Couldn't say it better myself. The hotter the woman is, the more DRAMA, and games there are. Many are just out for the $$$. However, I won't do overweight, and/or unattractive, so that leaves me with getting a nice, loyal hunting dog to spend quality time with.
No, I️ know exactly where avoiding vulnerability comes from because I️ was exactly that! But people confuse vulnerability with weakness. It’s not. When you see someone open up about pain they’ve overcome in their lives, do you view them as weak or brave? Think about it. I’ve done a LOT of work to become emotionally strong because having a healthy marriage and kids of my own is quite literally my biggest dream. That will not happen for me if I️ don’t learn to be vulnerable when it’s needed and if I️ don’t put in the work in myself.. My heart has been broken 100 times! I’ve had major depression cause of it and was self destructive and even promiscuous at times cause of it. I️ deserve to be a single mom with the reckless behavior I️ had. So yes, if anyone knows avoidance, it’s me .
Either way, give up on love if you want but to do that because of some fear of hard work or fear of opening up? You never really wanted it anyways then.
See, I didn't say I was giving up on love. Be careful not to put words in my mouth. As a matter of fact, , I have indicated that I am open for it at some point in time when I have other aspects of my life taken care of.
You want to talk about hard work? I EXPECT relationships to be hard work, and if I jump into something when I have tons of issues that I need to take care of, then that ship is gonna sink before it starts sailing. What would you rather I do?
OK, if i came up to you in a faded, dirty looking T-shirt, with scraggly nappy, messy looking hair, looking (and possibly smelling) like I stepped out of a trash can after someone urinated, defecated and rubbed moldy feet all over me, and then I asked you out, what would your answer be???
Would you say yes?
Didn't think so (btw, I'm not in that bad of a condition, this is just an extreme example).
Wouldn't you rather I walk up to you looking decent and clean (I'm not talking suit and tie, but regular clothes, put together)?
Before we get into this "looks don't matter", I didn't say anything about being a celebrity on the looks scale. I was talking about taking pride...
I rambled too much.
You want to have a good marriage and family. That's great, me too. Like I said, I hope to meet someone like you. I myself am willing to put in all of the hard work and I want to GET TO A PLACE where I CAN DO THAT!!! I just don't drive myself crazy about it.
The only thing I am saying is for people to not put too much stock in relationships, or shall we all become like Elliot Rodgers and be bitter and kill ourselves over it? Chances are, you (people in general, not you specifically) are going to spend a lot of time alone. So work on yourself (again, not you specifically, general "you").
Those of you that are in a "dry spell" or "drought", take the opportunity to build yourself. Find something to develop in yourself. You never know what you are missing. Maybe if you can enjoy being single, you can actually have better relationships when the time comes.
Now, I'm not waiting for everything to be perfect, I ran into a lot of people that want to join me on my "journey". So when I see some substantial progress, then watch out!!!
I got it from my friends. When they got into relationships, they moved in with their respective girlfriends very quickly, and immediately became joined at the hip 24/7/365 (excluding work). They even refused to weightlift at the gym with me for an hour, "because you're not supposed to go places separately"; forget bars and such! (And weightlifting is a prerogative of men, for the most part.) Ditto for all men in my extended social circle, at least outside of Meetup. That's when I realized that relationships just aren't for me.
I did have two additional true relationship experiences after my first one, and neither was good. One girlfriend seemed to be on a hunt for man to have a baby with, and another treated me quite poorly at times. I did some casual dating as well, and actually found myself enjoying a whole lot more than relationships. My problem today is that most women my age (mid 30's) don't want to do casual dating.
By the way, thanks for clarifying your point.
So all of your friends individually told you that they weren't allowed to go anywhere or do anything without their SOs? Or is this something you like to tell yourself because it fits your narrative of relationships as a soul-sucking trap?
I send 100 messages to women on POF asking about things directly stated in their profile to get a grand total of 2 replies, and it sours your take on the opposite sex. I'd say these dating sites are probably part of the problem. I should get off them.
Just act super funny, super confident, super cocky, and super edgy, and ignore everything they say or write in their profile. This is the only thing that gets me any luck, but I don't want the women I attract in this manner. They are just more of a pain than they are worth. It's like they aren't very self aware of what they really want in life, they just kind of go with the flow and direct themselves to any man that stimulates their feelings, which is why they get their heart broke so easily... they don't date with any strategic goal in mind, or look at a man's overall qualifications. You shouldn't go having 3 kids with a man who's a gambling addict and has drinking problems, yet they do because he stimulates them emotionally and she thinks she can "fix" him. We can seriously share 7 different interests and I can ask about them and she won't reply, but the instant I throw in some raunchy, funny sexual comment, it's game on. For me that's a big turn OFF. Oh, it's another one of them...
I like watching those prison shows and there's one thing universal about prison inmates, even young ones 18-20 years old.. they always seem to have multiple kids even though they are revolving door types of men who will be in and out of the system for life.. it's much easier to be a thug than to be a stable, boring, provider male and attract women. haha. I think the prison sentences actually benefit these relationships to a degree.. neither person spends enough time together to get sick of each other, because they can't.
Most people want to "control" the situation and then they go from there. So women will often try and "fix" guys. Even if you are a good guy they will point out ever flaw you have. If you bring up anything negative to her, you are a complete a hole, but if she does it, it is fine. We have gotten to the point where it a double standard on the other end.
I got it from my friends. When they got into relationships, they moved in with their respective girlfriends very quickly, and immediately became joined at the hip 24/7/365 (excluding work). They even refused to weightlift at the gym with me for an hour, "because you're not supposed to go places separately"; forget bars and such! (And weightlifting is a prerogative of men, for the most part.) Ditto for all men in my extended social circle, at least outside of Meetup. That's when I realized that relationships just aren't for me.
I did have two additional true relationship experiences after my first one, and neither was good. One girlfriend seemed to be on a hunt for man to have a baby with, and another treated me quite poorly at times. I did some casual dating as well, and actually found myself enjoying a whole lot more than relationships. My problem today is that most women my age (mid 30's) don't want to do casual dating.
By the way, thanks for clarifying your point.
That is normal now, but it isn't a relationship. It is control and men not having any "balls" to keep to their lifestyle. Sure if a women does what she wants and a guy tries to stop it, it will be considering "controlling", but other way around and it is considered normal.
So all of your friends individually told you that they weren't allowed to go anywhere or do anything without their SOs? Or is this something you like to tell yourself because it fits your narrative of relationships as a soul-sucking trap?
They told me. They didn't use the phrase "not allowed", but they did say that people in a relationship must do things together at all times. Separately is not an option, unless it's work. Maybe they want it that way, but it feels like jail to me.
So all of your friends individually told you that they weren't allowed to go anywhere or do anything without their SOs? Or is this something you like to tell yourself because it fits your narrative of relationships as a soul-sucking trap?
There are a few coworkers of mine that pretty much say the same... I will not say "all" the couples I know... One coworker is literally is wrapped around his wife's finger in everything they do. When I tell them all the things that I do on my own, I get strange looks from them... like I've broken some unwritten rule.
I've always done things on my own (and my SO). I go on trips on my own and have my own circle of friends that I spend time with... etc. I also made it a priority to spend time together and do things as a couple as well..
Its really up to the couple to decide and define expectations...
But what do I know.... Don't think I'm the bar to measure against.
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