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Yes because i'm the type of person who is better off alone and in their own company. I don't want to get married, I don't want to have kids and prefer to live alone. If I meet someone it's got to work around that as i'd have to meet my ultimate dream match who I bond perfectly with to change that criteria and I don't expect to.
I am actually a romantic person but i'm too much of a loner. I find other company exhausting, particularly when romantic feelings are thrown in.
I'm not even emotionally available to myself. In my family vulnerability was a sign of weakness, which you did not show under any circumstances for fear of upsetting the status quo. We didn't talk things out, nor were we honest with ourselves and each other about any problems. We painted on our game faces and carried on, a skill I developed so well that I'm convinced my game face is now the only one I have.
I am actually a romantic person but i'm too much of a loner. I find other company exhausting, particularly when romantic feelings are thrown in.
Are you sure our families weren't parallel universe copies of each other? Mine was like this too. Sadly, I wasn't good at hiding weakness as a kid, at least not until school started. Also, I always got the old "You won't get in trouble if you just tell the truth." Yeah, right! Over the years, I got so good at covering things up and telling people what they want to hear, that I now don't know anything else. Also, for men, live-in LTR's share many elements with being a kid, like being told what to do and always asking permission. I like my independence too much to allow it again.
One difference between me and you, is that I'm not a romantic person the slightest. (I used to be, but that part of me is as dead as old Taylor Swift.) And I do enjoy the company of other people---I think my Meetup groups rock!---just not romantically.
I know someone will throw out the T-word: therapy. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, now using it as a floor rag.
Ya'll are a bunch of sad souls in here. The trade offs to be in a committed relationship would be super worth it to me. But it requires being vulnerable and working really hard at communication. Something nobody I meet these days understands. Its easier to hookup for these people because you don't have to do the work of being vulnerable and emotionally available for a hookup. But if that empty feeling is so worth it to you for the sake of not being vulnerable then by all means...ya'll do you.
People like you are rare.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all about being in a good relationship, but the other person has to be willing as well.
Let's say a year or so down the line when I get my life together and I run into someone like you who is willing to make the commitment, I would definitely move forward.
Also, a lot of us here have tried it. Some people do not have unlimited hearts to give. All it takes is a couple of heartbreaks.
I can't tell you enough how much I understand and agree with what you are saying.
This avoiding vulnerability thing you see comes from being hurt. It is very rare for someone to wake up and just decide, you know, I'm just gonna avoid vulnerability for the hell of it.
No.
People get that way from being hurt...deeply in one way or another. And a lot of cases, this is temporary. They need time to heal so that maybe they can be vulnerable again.
Better that than a sellout who drops defences and pants at the first sign of interest from the preferred gender so they can screw themselves over in search of a fairy tale .
I'm a busy man, friend. No time for empty feelings over here or any other kind. I've got goals to achieve, places to see and people to do. Someone waiting at home would just be in the way, and we'd both deserve more out of life than that.
Are you sure our families weren't parallel universe copies of each other? Mine was like this too. Sadly, I wasn't good at hiding weakness as a kid, at least not until school started. Also, I always got the old "You won't get in trouble if you just tell the truth." Yeah, right! Over the years, I got so good at covering things up and telling people what they want to hear, that I now don't know anything else. Also, for men, live-in LTR's share many elements with being a kid, like being told what to do and always asking permission. I like my independence too much to allow it again.
One difference between me and you, is that I'm not a romantic person the slightest. (I used to be, but that part of me is as dead as old Taylor Swift.) And I do enjoy the company of other people---I think my Meetup groups rock!---just not romantically.
I know someone will throw out the T-word: therapy. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, now using it as a floor rag.
LOL!
My family was a contradiction. I get told "Shut Up!!! and then they complain I don't talk much. Um... You keep telling me to shut up!
My life was "Damned if you do, Damned if you don't." And if you are not doing anything wrong, then someone will make up a lie about you so that they'd have an excuse to beat the crap out of you.
I can't date anymore. Just can't do it. I'm not so bitter or upset that I've "given" up. If anything amazing comes along I'll take it but I can't even look love in the eye anymore. It makes me sick to my stomach for the most part.
One difference between me and you, is that I'm not a romantic person the slightest.
Nor am I. Gazzaa2 is, and you quoted him on the tail end of me. I'm the most cynical word-that-very-nearly-rhymes-with-custard you could ever meet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
I know someone will throw out the T-word: therapy. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, now using it as a floor rag.
I'm doing the same now, with the goal of learning to trust my instincts and become a better writer. I won't change my attitude about relationships because I don't want to.
I am DONE. Done with dating. Done with men. I thought I had found the one. But it turns out he is merely a great liar. And Aspergers. 61 years old. He will never change.
I'm doing the same now, with the goal of learning to trust my instincts and become a better writer. I won't change my attitude about relationships because I don't want to.
It took me decades to learn to trust my instincts/gut. And I know therapy hindered me, rather than helped me with that skill. How so? Because every time I answered that idiot's question about my feelings, they'd say "No, you didn't feel that." But when I gave the most outlandish answer I could come up with, they believed me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moxiegal
I am DONE. Done with dating. Done with men. I thought I had found the one. But it turns out he is merely a great liar. And Aspergers. 61 years old. He will never change.
What's Asperger got to do with it? I'm aware that shyness is a big part of it, but that's all I really know.
It took me decades to learn to trust my instincts/gut. And I know therapy hindered me, rather than helped me with that skill. How so? Because every time I answered that idiot's question about my feelings, they'd say "No, you didn't feel that." But when I gave the most outlandish answer I could come up with, they believed me.
What's Asperger got to do with it? I'm aware that shyness is a big part of it, but that's all I really know.
Aspergers/autism has a LOT to do with it! They fail miserably at relationships. Too much information to try to tye in here. YES, Aspergers has very much to do with their failed relationships.
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Mine was like this too. Sadly, I wasn't good at hiding weakness as a kid, at least not until school started. Also, I always got the old "You won't get in trouble if you just tell the truth." 
Yeah, right! 
Over the years, I got so good at covering things up and telling people what they want to hear, that I now don't know anything else. Also, for men, live-in LTR's share many elements with being a kid, like being told what to do and always asking permission. I like my independence too much to allow it again.
But when I gave the most outlandish answer I could come up with, they believed me. 
