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We've been messaging with each other for about 3 weeks now and we've known each other for about half a year but talked only a few times. 3 weeks ago after our first (quite long) 'text conversation' he invited me to a party where I wouldn't know anyone except for him and I didn't feel too comfortable spending the night with a group of people I've never seen in my life so I rejected the invitation but I explained that if we had known each other longer I would have accepted it. He said that he understood me and asked if this means that one day I'll agree to go somewhere with him and I said yes.
When we talk with each other it usually goes for a day or a day and a half (we reply when we've got time during work and then we talk all evening after work almost without delays). We joke around a lot, tease each other, talk about some more serious things, sometimes complement each other, he asks questions like what guys I'm attracted to, sometimes jokes about how it would be if we got married or drops some sexual innuendos (nothing creepy, it just comes up naturally during the joking and is not too frequent), what my plans are, what I want my husband to be, etc. When he sees me he smiles a lot or even grins and makes a lot of eye contact which he didn't do before all that.
In one of the conversations he said that he was hurt in the previous relationships and that he's just become really careful and that one day he'll tell me about it. I have no idea how to go about all that. I don't want to pressure him and make him feel like he's bound to make huge commitments to me right now or whatever like that. I just would like to get to know him, see if he's attracted to me too and see if it could progress into anything but not necessarily over texting but I don't want to scare him away or hurt him. He's a really nice and it seems to me caring guy so I don't think that he's playing with me or whatever. Do you have any advice?
We've been messaging with each other for about 3 weeks now and we've known each other for about half a year but talked only a few times. 3 weeks ago after our first (quite long) 'text conversation' he invited me to a party where I wouldn't know anyone except for him and I didn't feel too comfortable spending the night with a group of people I've never seen in my life so I rejected the invitation but I explained that if we had known each other longer I would have accepted it. He said that he understood me and asked if this means that one day I'll agree to go somewhere with him and I said yes.
When we talk with each other it usually goes for a day or a day and a half (we reply when we've got time during work and then we talk all evening after work almost without delays). We joke around a lot, tease each other, talk about some more serious things, sometimes complement each other, he asks questions like what guys I'm attracted to, sometimes jokes about how it would be if we got married or drops some sexual innuendos (nothing creepy, it just comes up naturally during the joking and is not too frequent), what my plans are, what I want my husband to be, etc. When he sees me he smiles a lot or even grins and makes a lot of eye contact which he didn't do before all that.
In one of the conversations he said that he was hurt in the previous relationships and that he's just become really careful and that one day he'll tell me about it. I have no idea how to go about all that. I don't want to pressure him and make him feel like he's bound to make huge commitments to me right now or whatever like that. I just would like to get to know him, see if he's attracted to me too and see if it could progress into anything but not necessarily over texting but I don't want to scare him away or hurt him. He's a really nice and it seems to me caring guy so I don't think that he's playing with me or whatever. Do you have any advice?
Yeah. Patience and time.
You didn't trust him enough to go to a party with him. Why? Because you didn't know him well enough.
Soooo ... it would make sense that you would give him the same courtesy of getting to know YOU.
We've been messaging with each other for about 3 weeks now and we've known each other for about half a year but talked only a few times. 3 weeks ago after our first (quite long) 'text conversation' he invited me to a party where I wouldn't know anyone except for him and I didn't feel too comfortable spending the night with a group of people I've never seen in my life so I rejected the invitation but I explained that if we had known each other longer I would have accepted it. He said that he understood me and asked if this means that one day I'll agree to go somewhere with him and I said yes.
When we talk with each other it usually goes for a day or a day and a half (we reply when we've got time during work and then we talk all evening after work almost without delays). We joke around a lot, tease each other, talk about some more serious things, sometimes complement each other, he asks questions like what guys I'm attracted to, sometimes jokes about how it would be if we got married or drops some sexual innuendos (nothing creepy, it just comes up naturally during the joking and is not too frequent), what my plans are, what I want my husband to be, etc. When he sees me he smiles a lot or even grins and makes a lot of eye contact which he didn't do before all that.
In one of the conversations he said that he was hurt in the previous relationships and that he's just become really careful and that one day he'll tell me about it. I have no idea how to go about all that. I don't want to pressure him and make him feel like he's bound to make huge commitments to me right now or whatever like that. I just would like to get to know him, see if he's attracted to me too and see if it could progress into anything but not necessarily over texting but I don't want to scare him away or hurt him. He's a really nice and it seems to me caring guy so I don't think that he's playing with me or whatever. Do you have any advice?
By having a backbone.
Simply say, "I'm not that person, and that's not how I operate. When you're ready to trust me, you know where to find me. But I'm not going to chase shadows here."
Are you texting or talking on the phone? Talk on the phone. Do activity dates by going hiking or to a museum or whatever you both like. Good way to build trust and get to know each other. You don't know the details of his other relationships. When you find out it might be a deal breaker or shocking. You have no information now.
(...)I explained that if we had known each other longer I would have accepted it. He said that he understood me and asked if this means that one day I'll agree to go somewhere with him and I said yes.
(...) I just would like to get to know him, see if he's attracted to me too and see if it could progress into anything but not necessarily over texting but I don't want to scare him away or hurt him. He's a really nice and it seems to me caring guy so I don't think that he's playing with me or whatever. Do you have any advice?
So have you told him that you now feel comfortable meeting him? You turned him down 3 weeks ago and he's probably waiting for some sign that you are 'ready'.
Why not tell him something along the lines of what you said here? "I would like to get to know you, see if there is mutual attraction and see if it could progress into something more. While I enjoy our texting, how about we grab a coffee?" (or something like that).
So have you told him that you now feel comfortable meeting him? You turned him down 3 weeks ago and he's probably waiting for some sign that you are 'ready'.
Why not tell him something along the lines of what you said here? "I would like to get to know you, see if there is mutual attraction and see if it could progress into something more. While I enjoy our texting, how about we grab a coffee?" (or something like that).
Well, I didn't say it in so many words, that's true, but last time we talked he jokingly asked me something along the lines if he's got a chance with me or if his position is not too good. I answered him matching his tone that he's got good chances and he said that he's glad about it but he also added the bit about needing to build trust before being able to start acting more seriously.
Generally, I work in a bit odd hours which don't really match the time when he works so our free time overlaps only late in the evening or on the weekends, and some time ago he asked me if such hours won't be an issue if I met someone with whom I'd like to be dating, so I said that my weekends are all free and that I'm willing to do something if anything comes up. Yeah, I guess I should have responded more straight forward and hint on a date?
Take your time, set your boundaries but keep in mind men are pack creatures kind of like wolves. We evolved hunting together to feed the clan and that requires COMMUNICATION. If you say you're going to meet him somewhere do it. You need to be RELIABLE DEPENDABLE. You should expect the same and he should know it.
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