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The lecturing won't help because you have latched onto this idea of talking to him and you won't be satisfied until you do it and he definitively says NO in a way that probably will hurt you. Sometimes that's what it takes, though.
I've been friends with girls who get like this. Hell, I've been like this ... twice. But both times I was 18-19 years old. I also thought I could write a little letter that would explain my feelings and sway them to choose me.
They didn't. And I became a cliche. Van Halen even wrote a song about it LOL ("Jamie's Cryin'")
You can learn the hard way, OP, or you can learn in a way that's easier on YOU.
I don't see what is the easier way here though?
I thought talking on phone is an easier way as opposed to talking in person. As Most people would think talking in person is a more proper way to do it.
I thought talking on phone is an easier way as opposed to talking in person. As Most people would think talking in person is a more proper way to do it.
So you have decided you're ending it, and your only question is whether to do it in person or by phone?
Because it sounds like you're holding out hope that he will commit to you, or tell you that "your emotional investment is worth it."
In my mind, the phone is always WAY more awkward, but ... it doesn't sound like you are patient enough to wait till next week to see him in person.
All I DO know is that if you call him while he's sick and start talking seriously about "where we are," he will get super annoyed.
I posted here about the guy I'm currently going out with.
He's someone I met on Match and we had a back and forth relationship.
This time around, after 3 dates, I asked him to take down Match profile, he freaked out big time and didn't see me for 2 weeks.
After 2 weeks, he came back and we continued going out. And we pretended the conversation never happened.
We only see each other on weekends due to the distance. We've gone on a few weekend get always trips. But still no exclusive talk.
He's still on Match, Active.
I don't feel like I can see other people while he and I are going on dates. But as the same time, not knowing where this is going make me wonder if I'm wasting my time and emotional investment. I can't just "have fun" and not be emotionally attached, I just can't.
He's sick this weekend and we're not seeing each other, I feel I just want to call and talk things out. If the feelings are not mutual what's the point to wait for another "date" only to break up? I'd rather break up over the phone, save some embarrassment.
I'd greatly appreciate your opinion. Thanks everyone
Read your post, paying attention to the bold print, as if someone else wrote it and think about how you would answer. He is showing you that he is not about being exclusive, so why discuss with him? Disappearing for two weeks after freaking out about you asking him to remove his profile, welcomed back by you like everything is fine, and continues to be active on Match let you know "where this is going". Continue to see him the way he wants or move on. Please don't make yourself appear desperate with the talk of being exclusive. ...and will you really trust him if he says he wants to be exclusive?
Anyone can make themselves sound congested over the phone. I am not saying that he isn't sick, just saying maybe so, maybe not so sick.
Location: Foothills of Maryland Blue Ridge mountains
993 posts, read 768,427 times
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No, no no. Most men are not complicated. If he wants to make a commitment, he will. You won’t have to ask. No need to discuss it. Move on with your life, don’t contact him again. If he wants to be in touch, he will. You’re causing yourself needless angst. It’s very simple. More drama will be the final nail in the coffin. His actions are telling you what you need to know.
Read your post, paying attention to the bold print, as if someone else wrote it and think about how you would answer. He is showing you that he is not about being exclusive, so why discuss with him? Disappearing for two weeks after freaking out about you asking him to remove his profile, welcomed back by you like everything is fine, and continues to be active on Match let you know "where this is going". Continue to see him the way he wants or move on. Please don't make yourself appear desperate with the talk of being exclusive. ...and will you really trust him if he says he wants to be exclusive?
Anyone can make themselves sound congested over the phone. I am not saying that he isn't sick, just saying maybe so, maybe not so sick.
This is exactly right.
Don't call him and don't tell him how you feel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homeonthelittlemountain
No, no no. Most men are not complicated. If he wants to make a commitment, he will. You won’t have to ask. No need to discuss it. Move on with your life, don’t contact him again. If he wants to be in touch, he will. You’re causing yourself needless angst. It’s very simple. More drama will be the final nail in the coffin. His actions are telling you what you need to know.
No, no no. Most men are not complicated. If he wants to make a commitment, he will. You won’t have to ask. No need to discuss it. Move on with your life, don’t contact him again. If he wants to be in touch, he will. You’re causing yourself needless angst. It’s very simple. More drama will be the final nail in the coffin. His actions are telling you what you need to know.
This.
I think the OP is making the relationship more than it actually is. I echo the sentiment about keeping one's dignity and pride and moving on here.
Honestly...unless you've had sex, he may not be willing to commit solely to you.
For women, sex is (usually) that last box that gets checked. For men (usually), sex is what needs to happen first before we start taking about a monogamous relationship. In his mind, you're dating, but it's not "serious" yet.
If you can't muster up the energy to go on some random dates with other guys, then your feelings for this guy are probably too strong for you to handle. It might be better to back away.
If you can't muster up the energy to go on some random dates with other guys, then your feelings for this guy are probably too strong for you to handle. It might be better to back away.
I posted here about the guy I'm currently going out with.
He's someone I met on Match and we had a back and forth relationship.
This time around, after 3 dates, I asked him to take down Match profile, he freaked out big time and didn't see me for 2 weeks.
After 2 weeks, he came back and we continued going out. And we pretended the conversation never happened.
We only see each other on weekends due to the distance. We've gone on a few weekend get always trips. But still no exclusive talk.
He's still on Match, Active.
I don't feel like I can see other people while he and I are going on dates. But as the same time, not knowing where this is going make me wonder if I'm wasting my time and emotional investment. I can't just "have fun" and not be emotionally attached, I just can't.
He's sick this weekend and we're not seeing each other, I feel I just want to call and talk things out. If the feelings are not mutual what's the point to wait for another "date" only to break up? I'd rather break up over the phone, save some embarrassment.
I'd greatly appreciate your opinion. Thanks everyone
Just my opinion but i think you are way more invested in this emotionally than he is. Dating is to check out a lot of different people and see which ones you like and whether or not you are going to make it a long term commitment. You don't automatically assume that status with everybody you date. At three dates, how do you even know if you like him?
What is his favorite food, color, song? What does he think about abortion? What religion is he? Is he devout? What is his 5 year plan? His 10 year plan? What kind of pets did he have when he was a child. What sports did he play in high school.
If you cannot answer all of these questions and a lot more, then you need more dates before you decide whether or not he is worth pursuing in the long run.
Give it some time, girl. Goodness sakes!!!
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