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Someone in another thread said "It is very possible to like somebody but not have the experience or know how to show it." Got me thinking, I don't have much in my behavior range between "I like engaging with you as a social contact" and "Want to go out some time?" Is it all considered flirting? Is it acceptable to flirt with someone I'm not getting signs of interest from? What are some things I can do?
I don’t know ways to show that I’m interested in a woman beyond simply asking her out. I’m friendly and chatty with everyone regardless of whether I’m attracted to them. And that’s good...I don’t pick someone to talk to just because I like them. But I don’t know how to send signals of interest to someone I am interested in, or even if I should.
I don’t know ways to show that I’m interested in a woman beyond simply asking her out. I’m friendly and chatty with everyone regardless of whether I’m attracted to them. And that’s good...I don’t pick someone to talk to just because I like them. But I don’t know how to send signals of interest to someone I am interested in, or even if I should.
You dont send signals, you engage in a conversation about a certain coffee place or food, talk it up and the suggest going there together. If you suggest going someplace, you dont have to show you like her, she will already know.
I thought the OP was asking how to show interest, once the date is actually underway. Or maybe it was about how to flirt while encountering someone before any date has been requested (like--if you run into them in some other context), to communicate that you're interested? He said he's chatty and friendly as his general mode, so how does he get beyond his usual chattiness, to indicate he's personally interested in the person he's chatting with?
It does kinda sound like over-thinking, but the OP seems to need help in this arena.
IDK, OP; some people use humor, others may show a bit of intellectual flair. Whatever comes naturally to you. If a woman finds you charming, she may be the one to escalate. You might not have to worry about it. Well, and an obvious thing, is to give her your undivided attention.
The problem is, that spontaneity is really what works, and you seem to struggle with that.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-10-2018 at 04:29 PM..
I thought the OP was asking how to show interest, once the date is actually underway. Or maybe it was about how to flirt while encountering someone before any date has been requested (like--if you run into them in some other context), to communicate that you're interested? He said he's chatty and friendly as his general mode, so how does he get beyond his usual chattiness, to indicate he's personally interested in the person he's chatting with?
It does kinda sound like over-thinking, but the OP seems to need help in this arena.
IDK, OP; some people use humor, others may show a bit of intellectual flair. Whatever comes naturally to you. If a woman finds you charming, she may be the one to escalate. You might not have to worry about it. Well, and an obvious thing, is to give her your undivided attention.
The problem is, that spontaneity is really what works, and you seem to struggle with that.
First paragraph is dead on. During a date, that's one. I was weak on that on my lone date. I didn't feel any interest from her, so I was nervous to show anything. But also how to show interest beyond being friends...in a socially acceptable way.
Definitely over-thinking. But "doing what comes naturally to me"...never has worked. I am not a naturally attractive person. I'm polite, friendly, and learning to be conversational. But I am not charming, swoon-worthy, smooth, or interesting. No one has ever escalated with me. Maybe I need to express something first? Maybe I'd also come off like a creep. I've read many threads (elsewhere) and articles from women complaining about being hit on by guys they're not interested in but that's a risk I've got to learn to take. Maybe asking for flirting techniques would be more in line with my reason for asking? I'm working whatever personality and strengths I have just to be conversational and social...beyond that I don't see what I can do to communicate interest.
Movie, yeah. But it shows what I'm talking about. Goldblum is clearly displaying attraction (and seduction)...physical touch, mostly. That style works for him.
A little less self-centered would be good. Read the woman's responses. If she's interested in moving it along, she should let you know. Proceed. If she wants to get rid of you, she will let you know. Bag it. If she freezes up and gets hard to read, a direct question or two is indicated. It sounds like you are afraid you will be rejected. If you are going to be rejected, it's better if it happens early. Don't string the "friend zone" along for weeks. It's a waste of time.
A frank conversation is always good. Before you ghost on her, let her know you are hanging it up. If she's just playing hard to get, let her know the game is over. She might not realize how offensive she is being.
Anecdote: I met a young woman from NYC years ago in a European city. I asked her out for the evening, to check out the night life of a great city. She agreed. When I picked her up, I tried to put my arm around her. She immediately stepped away and told me going out didn't buy me any privileges. I told her I invited her out because she was an attractive woman, and if she didn't want to act like a woman the evening was over. I spent the night socializing with a bunch of guys who bought their own drinks.
There's no reason to let yourself be exploited. Your wants and needs are as important as hers. If that's not OK with her, find a different woman.
First paragraph is dead on. During a date, that's one. I was weak on that on my lone date. I didn't feel any interest from her, so I was nervous to show anything. But also how to show interest beyond being friends...in a socially acceptable way.
Definitely over-thinking. But "doing what comes naturally to me"...never has worked. I am not a naturally attractive person. I'm polite, friendly, and learning to be conversational. But I am not charming, swoon-worthy, smooth, or interesting. No one has ever escalated with me. Maybe I need to express something first? Maybe I'd also come off like a creep. I've read many threads (elsewhere) and articles from women complaining about being hit on by guys they're not interested in but that's a risk I've got to learn to take. Maybe asking for flirting techniques would be more in line with my reason for asking? I'm working whatever personality and strengths I have just to be conversational and social...beyond that I don't see what I can do to communicate interest.
Movie, yeah. But it shows what I'm talking about. Goldblum is clearly displaying attraction (and seduction)...physical touch, mostly. That style works for him.
I'm looking for a style.
One thing, if you're not being authentic, you will definitely come off as a creep. I guess what you can do is read about different techniques and even watch them in action somehow and then find a technique that works for you. But the most important thing is you.
I could say "be yourself", but that phrase is pretty much taboo. So I'll say be authentic. Also, a lot of people don't really know themselves so how could they be themselves and move towards their goals? The first thing to do is learn about yourself, your interests, what you respond to, etc. Once you figure out who you are, then work on cultivating that.
I'll say it this way. Like what you like because you like it, not because the group that gets the "hot girls" enjoys it.
The only technique that I can think about is meeting tons of people and building your circle.
But all the techniques aside, there is one thing you have to realize. Romance is not guaranteed for anyone. You are going to have to do the work to appreciate yourself and your life without romance. Even if you do get it, the worst thing you can do is hang your sense of (can't think of term) on romance.
I know not everyone has to do the work to "find themselves". But consider yourself fortunate, if you are willing and able to do the work, you may find yourself at peace and appreciative of your life even without a relationship.
Learn to appreciate who you are going to be with the most.
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