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My entire family is full of divorced people and cheaters. I haven't had positive marriages modelled before me to see how it makes a difference. I don't know if a marriage equals stability automatically, i think it's more about the people in the marriage.
A couple of years ago I listened to a really good "Planet Money" podcast on this subject. The researcher had measured how well kids in the US were doing (I forget all the measures but one was performance in school) between kids from homes where the parents were married and those where they weren't. The ones in the homes with married parents did better. She thought that maybe the difference was economic- that kids with unmarried parents lacked some opportunities and advantages because they had lower incomes- but then she looked at what happened in areas in Ohio where incomes went up due to the fracking industry. Even with the economic improvements, kids in households with married parents did better.
I do not agree with this at all. My child is in the top 3% academically based on standardized tests, a straight A student on the pre-ap track and is involved in numerous activities including volunteer work in the community. I divorced my spouse while pregnant.
Our home life is far more stable than most in her peer group who come from two parent homes or if I had remained married to my spouse. I have a higher income than most of those two parent families.
Just because someone has two parents in the home does not mean that either of those parents are actually GOOD parents or dialed in to their kids.
Just because someone has one parent does not mean they are doomed to a life of failure or low expectations.
I do not agree with this at all. My child is in the top 3% academically based on standardized tests, a straight A student on the pre-ap track and is involved in numerous activities including volunteer work in the community. I divorced my spouse while pregnant.
<snip> Just because someone has one parent does not mean they are doomed to a life of failure or low expectations.
The study was quoting AVERAGES. Of course there are outliers. I divorced when my son was 12 and believe me, we were FAR better off for it. I also had a very good career- I think I was the only single mother in our high-cost town (Bergen County, NJ) because most of the time when marriages broke up the spouses couldn't afford to stay there. No disagreement with you that single motherhood can be the better option.
The study was quoting AVERAGES. Of course there are outliers. I divorced when my son was 12 and believe me, we were FAR better off for it. I also had a very good career- I think I was the only single mother in our high-cost town (Bergen County, NJ) because most of the time when marriages broke up the spouses couldn't afford to stay there. No disagreement with you that single motherhood can be the better option.
I presume you had your education completed and your career launched before you married and reproduced? That’s the key part of increasing the odds of a good outcome. You have way more slack to absorb the life mistakes we all make than a poorly educated woman with an unskilled job who ends up as a single parent.
I presume you had your education completed and your career launched before you married and reproduced? That’s the key part of increasing the odds of a good outcome. You have way more slack to absorb the life mistakes we all make than a poorly educated woman with an unskilled job who ends up as a single parent.
How about a poorly educated unskilled married couple as opposed to an educated skilled unmarried couple?
Are those kids born to the unskilled less educated couple going to fare better than the children born to the
educated, skilled unmarried couple?
My b/f is an oral surgeon, I have a college degree in accounting, and I am fluent in three languages. We both have 6 figure incomes and we are in the process of starting a family. Getting “married” isn’t a priority.
I don’t see why people think that having that little piece of paper automatically makes thier relationship any more committed than a couple who pledges their commitment without it. Marriages go south all the time, just look at the divorce rate. We don’t feel that we need a binding contract in order for our relationship to succeed or for our children to flourish.
Why do people think the duggars getting married to someone after less than a year of dating is okay but a couple in a steady relationship for 5 years having a baby outside of marriage is not? What is the difference between the duggars rushing into marriage and babies and someone getting pregnant 3 months into a new relationship? Neither of them know their partner all that well..
Seems like most people on this board are pro marriage. Most of the people i know under 30 (I'm 19, no kids) aren't married and don't plan to be but have children with their partner. I live in canada so when you live with a partner and have kids you become common law and are considered basically legally married by the gov anyway. Maybe it's the people I'm surrounded by but i don't think it's a big deal to decide not to get married? I've never been particularly religous so maybe that's part of the reason.
Can someone explain the difference between my above example (the duggars getting married after months of dating vs a couple of 5 years having a baby outside of marriage) marriage makes in this situation to me?Educate me don't belittle me lol
If you’re asking my personal opinion, I think children should come after marriage. I grew up with both of my parents living in the same household, but they never married. It doesn’t mean that things would’ve been perfect if they had been married, but after seeing their situation, I would never be ok with being someone’s live in girlfriend, and I’m not in the least bit desperate for a baby that I would ever want one without being married.
How about a poorly educated unskilled married couple as opposed to an educated skilled unmarried couple?
Are those kids born to the unskilled less educated couple going to fare better than the children born to the
educated, skilled unmarried couple?
My b/f is an oral surgeon, I have a college degree in accounting, and I am fluent in three languages. We both have 6 figure incomes and we are in the process of starting a family. Getting “married” isn’t a priority.
I don’t see why people think that having that little piece of paper automatically makes thier relationship any more committed than a couple who pledges their commitment without it. Marriages go south all the time, just look at the divorce rate. We don’t feel that we need a binding contract in order for our relationship to succeed or for our children to flourish.
That’s exactly the slack I’m talking about. You’re both educated and have established careers. You’re socioeconomic equals. If you were Art History Barbie not working and with a couple of offspring and not in a common law marriage state, you run the risk of becoming Trailer Trash Barbie if the oral surgeon bails out. The less high wage job skills you have, the more critical the get married, stay married becomes.
That’s exactly the slack I’m talking about. You’re both educated and have established careers. You’re socioeconomic equals. If you were Art History Barbie not working and with a couple of offspring and not in a common law marriage state, you run the risk of becoming Trailer Trash Barbie if the oral surgeon bails out. The less high wage job skills you have, the more critical the get married, stay married becomes.
Money isn’t the only thing that matters. What about when your kids are embarrassed that all of their classmates have married parents and they don’t? It continues to be embarrassing for me to tell people that my parents live together and never married.
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