Why is it harder to find someone when you're older and "wiser" (divorce, friend)

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by cyphorx

Nope, not fun in the least it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack that is disguised as hay.


I want a big Neon sign hovering over her saying "HERE SHE IS" so I can politely walk past the possibly and probably incompatible masses and make a B-line straight to her.

What you want and the way the world works do not align.


Try living life on life's terms. You may find more success.

Originally Posted by Liberty2011

I'm not sure why this has been confusing. Offices have dress codes, medical professionals wear uniforms or scrubs, etc. I think part of the fun of people is discovering what their interests are because you can't tell by looking at them.

Indeed it is. People, at least I, often find a lot of the most countercultural people, off beat people, kinky people, creative people, etc to look, outwardly, no different than a businessperson, or a suburban parent, or a grade school teacher. In fact, they are often enough those things. The working artists and musicians who even do it for a living that I know, well, you'd never tell it from their outward trappings.

[Tominftl]

No rush to find anyone at this point of my life. I am quite happy with my 40+ year friendships and my little needy dog. Don’t need a lady to upset the apple cart now. No one is moving in with me and I’m not supporting anyone.

[RbccL]

Originally Posted by cyphorx

I want a big Neon sign hovering over her saying "HERE SHE IS" so I can politely walk past the possibly and probably incompatible masses and make a B-line straight to her.

That's where you can dissipate your frustration, you have to learn that you can't tell anything close to whether or not she's the one, by looking at her!

[cyphorx]

Originally Posted by timberline742

What you want and the way the world works do not align.


Try living life on life's terms. You may find more success.

Thats the point of this thread WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG THAT IS THE WAY LIFE WORKS!!!!

Hence thats why it's EASIER when you are young. because most people can easily identify their type in a crowd. as the local pizza place does not care if you have piercings and purple hair for you to drive pizza around all night, but if you have to find a job that pays more because you knocked up your highschool/college sweetheart or are the one who got knocked up out go the hair dye and face metal, and it becomes harder to tell each other apart from the sheople.



If you notice most of the people who manage to not go mainstream in appearance past a certain age tend to be people who found employment in fields without dresscodes,



Bartenders, tattoo artists, studio owners(dying profession thanks to protools and fruityloops),mechanics etc etc etc

[That_One_Girl]

Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork

I can't wait for my teenagers to move out so I can be naked more often at home.

I kinda envy people who are comfortable enough to be naked. It's not about showing my body because I'm fine with that. I wear super skimpy clothing often. But actual nakedness kinda freaks me out. I feel like my sensitive lady bits need some sort of protection over them! lol

Originally Posted by stan4

This.
And the ones that aren't coupled up...there is usually a reason.

This is something people say that always irks me. I think because it implies that we all MUST be in a relationship and if we're not, something must be wrong with us.

This perspective doesn't account for so many situations. Like grieving a lost spouse. Or getting cheated on/dumped and having a hard time recovering. Or, my situation of choosing to remain single to work on yourself and fix any issues you have before pursuing relationships in the future. Or simply never having an interest in marriage, but still being open to romance and relationships.

I know for myself, I'm thousands of times a better woman than I was in my 20s. I have better morals, more compassion for others, I'm more patient, I understand myself and others better, and I'm much better a communicator. I learned to be direct and assertive in communication.

I still have more improvements I want to do on myself before I open up fully to love, but I'm getting much closer now. Just yesterday I did some serious therapeutic work on myself and had some breakthroughs. I know myself better than ever before, and I think it's important to know yourself so you can clearly explain to others what you're seeking in a relationship.

I realize there are older people who are alone for a negative reason, too. I just wish people would get past the whole "Why are you single? What's wrong with you?" viewpoint. I've had quite a few guys ask me that, and they always start it out with "You're so beautiful" as if my looks mean I MUST be crazy or else I'd be married. It just doesn't work that way.

Originally Posted by stan4

You don't agree that the pool of unattached people who don't have major issues is smaller when you are older than when you are younger?
Seriously?

No. For all the reasons I said above. I'm far from the only person in my age range I know of who has taken a break from love to pursue career or self-improvement or whatever. It's a pretty common thing.

Plus, dating in my early 20s wasn't exactly a breeze. I encountered MANY young people with serious issues that made relationships with them pretty much impossible. The only difference I see with age is I know how to spot red flags now and I didn't then.

Originally Posted by Atlguy39

it seems a majority of American men prefer blondes.

Where are you getting that? I think it's a myth. For one, there's FAR too many men in America for them to prefer any one thing overall.

Just in my experience as someone who's had literally every hair color that exists on the color spectrum, men seem to prefer long, natural hair. My natural hair is black, so that's what I've gotten the most compliments on. But I also got attention as a blonde, a redhead, having bright pink/blue/other colors.

My official stance on it is that guys love women and don't care that much about hair either way. There are exceptions of course.

Originally Posted by ellybelly83

I marie kondo'd my place a few months back and when i got to my swimsuits, for some reason decided that i was too old for bikinis now so i threw out almost all of them (kept a couple for tanning). I live in a conservative area where most mom's cover up by the pool. I realized i made a mistake last week when i booked my vaca and realized i only had ugly mom suits to wear on the beach, I cant believe i gave into peer pressure and i didn't even realize it at the time. I think back to comments made in previous years like "i could never wear that anymore" and "aren't you scared you're going to pop out". I would brush it off but i guess it must've bothered me more than i could admit to myself.

Yeah screw that. Wear the crap out of those bikinis, lady! I bet you look great. You're never too old for a cute bathing suit!

Originally Posted by hawk101

Don't forget , the people your interested in whatever age , are aging too. lt's not like you got older but they stayed 20.

Yeah exactly! This is the point I was trying to make in one of my earlier posts and why I think aging doesn't matter that much.

Originally Posted by cyphorx

Nope, not fun in the least it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack that is disguised as hay.


I want a big Neon sign hovering over her saying "HERE SHE IS" so I can politely walk past the possibly and probably incompatible masses and make a B-line straight to her.

Yeah, I get this. I always feel the need to "warn" people somehow through my appearance that I'm not your average, normal, everyday sort of woman. I used to have my hair shaved into a sort of mohawk (not spiked up, where your hair is long but the sides are shaved). It was too annoying to maintain but I loved having that look because it automatically let anyone I encountered know there was something "alternative" about me.

Now I have super long hair. Not sure what I'm gonna do with it. I've been feeling the need to shop for new clothes or change something about my appearance lately because I don't feel like my insides match my outsides, if that makes sense. I do get what you're saying because I often wish I knew the perfect way to dress and look that would tell others around me "Here she is!" in the exact way you're saying.

[cyphorx]

Originally Posted by That_One_Girl

This is something people say that always irks me. I think because it implies that we all MUST be in a relationship and if we're not, something must be wrong with us.

This perspective doesn't account for so many situations. Like grieving a lost spouse. Or getting cheated on/dumped and having a hard time recovering. Or, my situation of choosing to remain single to work on yourself and fix any issues you have before pursuing relationships in the future. Or simply never having an interest in marriage, but still being open to romance and relationships.

I know for myself, I'm thousands of times a better woman than I was in my 20s. I have better morals, more compassion for others, I'm more patient, I understand myself and others better, and I'm much better a communicator. I learned to be direct and assertive in communication.

I still have more improvements I want to do on myself before I open up fully to love, but I'm getting much closer now. Just yesterday I did some serious therapeutic work on myself and had some breakthroughs. I know myself better than ever before, and I think it's important to know yourself so you can clearly explain to others what you're seeking in a relationship.

I realize there are older people who are alone for a negative reason, too. I just wish people would get past the whole "Why are you single? What's wrong with you?" viewpoint. I've had quite a few guys ask me that, and they always start it out with "You're so beautiful" as if my looks mean I MUST be crazy or else I'd be married. It just doesn't work that way.

Okay thats not the way I use it for the most part, I tend to use it for women who are seeking a relationship and can't find one. usually this comes about when a marriage minded guy gets no responses from women who aren't either overweight or young kids at home, but all the in-shape women with no kids at home just want "causal dating/ nothing serious"(both of which is technically single for a reason).

Just in my experience as someone who's had literally every hair color that exists on the color spectrum, men seem to prefer long, natural hair

.

That is hot, I like hair colors that don't appear in nature

Yeah, I get this. I always feel the need to "warn" people somehow through my appearance that I'm not your average, normal, everyday sort of woman. I used to have my hair shaved into a sort of mohawk (not spiked up, where your hair is long but the sides are shaved). It was too annoying to maintain but I loved having that look because it automatically let anyone I encountered know there was something "alternative" about me.

Now I have super long hair. Not sure what I'm gonna do with it. I've been feeling the need to shop for new clothes or change something about my appearance lately because I don't feel like my insides match my outsides, if that makes sense. I do get what you're saying because I often wish I knew the perfect way to dress and look that would tell others around me "Here she is!" in the exact way you're saying.

Yep we agree on this one.

[That_One_Girl]

Originally Posted by cyphorx

That is hot, I like hair colors that don't appear in nature.

Me too! I kept it up for a few years, but it got boring after I'd done every color combination in the rainbow.

[cyphorx]

Originally Posted by That_One_Girl

Me too! I kept it up for a few years, but it got boring after I'd done every color combination in the rainbow.

Lol thats when you start doing multi colour combinations.

[lechon]

When you are younger you take more risks and chances, for some it will pay off for some it will not. When you are older you have been hurt before and and more quickly to judge, so we are more afraid of taking a chance on someone.

[Electrician4you]

Originally Posted by Idkeither

Is this an old and set in your ways problem? Like you know what works for you and are much quicker to end things when red flags pop up? Shouldn't knowing much more about yourself work to your advantage as you mature? Or is it simply younger people are more attractive so your options as an older person are limited? Thoughts?

I think as you get older you’re more selective in who you date. As far as I can tell I don’t need to be in a relationship. I’m prrfectly fine by my self. I can cook clean do household stuff etc. if I were dating today I would be really selective on who I would want a relationship with. I don’t want someone who is gonna be emotionally needy and constant reassurance or validation, and I sure as hell don’t want someone who needs to be supported financially.

Younger people are no more or less attractive today than they were 20 years ago. Hair clothes make up styles may of changed but a attractive person is gonna be attractive regardless of when they were born.