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Well, spend some time here and you'd see what I mean. Its even been voted in top 10 worst places to date in America. Those numbers you see are misleading because this city is very spread out. Also, there are way more married people (as a % of the population) in this part of the country than on either coast.
Why are you complaining? Haven't you posted about a girlfriend? You say you have a good job and a girlfriend, so most men would be super stoked with that. Dude, you really need to learn how to enjoy what you have. It seems like you are always wanting something different or more. That can't be a fun way to live.
So the last time I was on OLD and after I expanded my parameters to about a 50 mile radius, I had over 500 potential matches (guys that had swiped right on me). In an ideal world i would spend time getting to know all of them. As I’m someone who finds intelligence sexier than aesthetics i found OLD very difficult because I always wondered if I was swiping away someone I could really click with. I know that looks are important to others so I prefer to offer up more information on the front end (hoping they read my profile) That way they can dismiss me sooner rather than later. That is why I liked those filters. Even if they are too open to interpretation they still serve a purpose.
Elly belly, the bolded....exactly...
In fact, I recall a time before I just sent messages off to any generically written profile to someone seemingly nice, I would be more discerning of who would be a decent match.
I recall coming across this cute, but average looking high school science teacher. Definitely in my league, definitely my type. She was big into geeky stuff, same beliefs and theories, same values, etc. All was described in her profile. She even had an obscure quote from Monty Python that made me open with that as an ice breaker email. lol. And considering we lived in a more backwater area...and closer to me, I figured I'd have a shot at a meetup up with her.
We chatted back and forth 2 or 3 times, then I asked about meeting she said, "Sorry, but I don't think we'd make a good match.
And I was thinking, "How could she say that? We were matched in a lot of ways, how bout we find out in person?" but she wasn't willing to give it a chance.
Had we met in person at a comic shop or some social event, I'd guarantee I'd score a date from her. Because online, all the nuances, voice, and body language are missing.
Definitions of those things are useless. Like, what is an "athletic" build. A lean distance runner, or a power lifter? Almost polar opposites, both athletic. That's why filters on such junk are useless. Engage with individuals. It's not that hard.
Here you go, a "curvy"....power lifter? When I saw this, I almost thought it was photoshopped.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,067,254 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx
I've always found that confusing, I've msg'd women who matched me 95% or more and got ignored, and I have been contacted by women with less than a 25% match. It's almost like most people don't pay attention to those percentages.
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Some people don't. So what? The percentage doesn't mean people will write you back. I just found that overwhelmingly the people I connect with, either romantically or platonically, have very high match percentages. Heck, when I've met people and had relationships (good ones) from IRL meets and we look at each others profiles they're always a chunk over 90%. My partner and I didn't meet on OKC, but we are a 99% match. Its seems to work out that way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Here you go, a "curvy"....power lifter? When I saw this, I almost thought it was photoshopped.
I want a healthy, goofy physicist with manners, integrity and kindness. Slightly annoying is okay. 6’ 3” or not. Likes to make stuff up. Act like a six year old. Play in the mud, grow things, help others. Good - best person one meets in a lifetime.
Oh wait. (Snaps fingers) missed him by *that* much.
Grateful to know he does exist. In the meantime, I’d love to have a friend for lunch once in a while. Integrity and humor are my must haves. I’ll be highly surprised if I ever meet anyone. All the people in my area are couples. Even the wild life likes to rub it in (quail, doves) with their annoying “mates for life”. Nah, I’m not sad, I’m glad they have each other. I have a small dog, marginal health, a good soul and I’m so lucky...
Last edited by paperwing; 03-15-2019 at 07:11 AM..
Why are you complaining? Haven't you posted about a girlfriend? You say you have a good job and a girlfriend, so most men would be super stoked with that. Dude, you really need to learn how to enjoy what you have. It seems like you are always wanting something different or more. That can't be a fun way to live.
Just stating facts is all. I have to drive 3 hours to see that gf. The reality is I miss my hometown, Atlanta. Want to move back so bad.
I've been off a couple of days, but Timber, we were talking about clothes, you mentioned musical tastes, and that such things only mattered to you when you were in your 20's and very insecure, therefore it seems to me that you are projecting that anything you now don't place importance on, is a thing that NO ONE should or else you judge it to be immature, superficial, and/or insecure.
I just cannot agree.
I maintain that anyone has every right to have whatever preferences and criteria they want to have. Ain't my place or yours to tell them they're wrong, insecure, or superficial.
However I'll come so far in agreement to you, as to say that if an individual is really struggling to find someone who meets the criteria they are using, if no one quite seems to make the bar...maybe it is time to seriously reevaluate if all of the filters they're using are NEEDS, rather than some being WANTS that they could maybe do without.
Or best yet...and here is where you and I probably have similar experiences, I might guess?... Step outside of that comfort zone and give it a try with someone you don't THINK is a strong contender if you can. Just give it a whirl and see what happens. Because me setting aside the criteria that mattered to my younger self and discovering that actually there were completely different things that attracted and held me now...required me to take a chance on someone I really didn't think was what I was looking for.
So like I can agree that a partner need not like my favorite band to be with me, but if they constantly listen to something I can't stand, I won't want to be around them all the time. And some people really are THAT invested in their music. I think we'd need some overlap. And while I don't need a match for my clothing style preferences, there are still some styles I'd pass on, because they reflect participation in a subculture or lifestyle I don't like and want nothing to do with. And since lots of adults still do that, I don't think all of them are insecure, immature, or superficial. They're just living, dressing, and doing as they please. If it makes 'em happy, why the hell not?
Good for them.
Good for you.
Good for me.
I get upset about the clothing thing, because I hate how old ladies somehow warp into this seemingly near mandatory style that a "mature" woman has to have, as she leaves behind the "superficial" business of expressing yourself with your appearance. The polyester pants and blouse and poof-ball-hairdo thing. Rest-home-ready. And I love older women who defy that, like that Lyn Slater lady, the "accidental icon." To me, leaving behind all of your expression and just blending in...feels a lot like, "Well I've given up and I'm just running out the clock, waiting to die." But that's me. And as an artist, I feel a certain drive to be expressive, one way or another.
I get upset about the clothing thing, because I hate how old ladies somehow warp into this seemingly near mandatory style that a "mature" woman has to have, as she leaves behind the "superficial" business of expressing yourself with your appearance. The polyester pants and blouse and poof-ball-hairdo thing. Rest-home-ready. And I love older women who defy that, like that Lyn Slater lady, the "accidental icon." To me, leaving behind all of your expression and just blending in...feels a lot like, "Well I've given up and I'm just running out the clock, waiting to die." But that's me. And as an artist, I feel a certain drive to be expressive, one way or another.
I marie kondo'd my place a few months back and when i got to my swimsuits, for some reason decided that i was too old for bikinis now so i threw out almost all of them (kept a couple for tanning). I live in a conservative area where most mom's cover up by the pool. I realized i made a mistake last week when i booked my vaca and realized i only had ugly mom suits to wear on the beach, I cant believe i gave into peer pressure and i didn't even realize it at the time. I think back to comments made in previous years like "i could never wear that anymore" and "aren't you scared you're going to pop out". I would brush it off but i guess it must've bothered me more than i could admit to myself.
I marie kondo'd my place a few months back and when i got to my swimsuits, for some reason decided that i was too old for bikinis now so i threw out almost all of them (kept a couple for tanning). I live in a conservative area where most mom's cover up by the pool. I realized i made a mistake last week when i booked my vaca and realized i only had ugly mom suits to wear on the beach, I cant believe i gave into peer pressure and i didn't even realize it at the time. I think back to comments made in previous years like "i could never wear that anymore" and "aren't you scared you're going to pop out". I would brush it off but i guess it must've bothered me more than i could admit to myself.
LOL bikinis...I can't wear 'em. Never could. I've got a decent body shape I guess, but they make me feel like something will be hanging out at any moment, like the fabric could only shift the slightest of tiny ways and I'd be publicly exposing myself. I'm not THAT kind of exhibitionist! It's not so much about how they look, as how they make me feel, which is excessively nervous and self-conscious.
See how the legs are cut slightly low, that "retro" style they're shooting for? That makes me so comfortable...I love it!
Anyhow though, I redirect my brain to the OP's premise, the title of the thread, and I asked myself how I found the last several people I dated including the wonderful partner I'm with now...and one point I think we'd already pointed to is that no, it was so much easier, because now at whatever level of age/wisdom I am at, we've got the internet. For the most part, except for a couple of brief hookup/NSA people during the year after my marriage ended...all of my partners we made that initial contact online.
So while there were pictures of me, dressing how I dress, looking how I look...there was a lot of text there as well. Which, given my predilection to novel-writing should come as a surprise to exactly no one. The internet made it easy to find options I might never have otherwise noticed. If my boyfriend hadn't found me there first, we likely wouldn't have connected. He'd have been probably intimidated by my super-social-extrovert routine, and never have approached to talk to me if he couldn't have sent that message about The Maxx and Invader Zim...
I get upset about the clothing thing, because I hate how old ladies somehow warp into this seemingly near mandatory style that a "mature" woman has to have, as she leaves behind the "superficial" business of expressing yourself with your appearance. The polyester pants and blouse and poof-ball-hairdo thing. Rest-home-ready. And I love older women who defy that, like that Lyn Slater lady, the "accidental icon." To me, leaving behind all of your expression and just blending in...feels a lot like, "Well I've given up and I'm just running out the clock, waiting to die." But that's me. And as an artist, I feel a certain drive to be expressive, one way or another.
I've been pondering this myself lately. I think I'm going to be one of those older women who still rock sneakers, baggy pants, yoga pants, athletic outfits, and fitted tops all my life lol. Considering I still have a decent shape in the future. I don't like the idea of "you just can't get away with those types of outfits anymore." Of course I would not wear anything extreme (like crop tops and booty shorts.) but if I still feel like I look decent enough to wear certain outfits, you can be damn sure I'm going to wear them. Hell my mom is in her 50s and still wearing nikes and other cute outfits she puts together. Lol. It's funny because it makes people think she is almost two decades younger than she really is. So it makes you wonder...is the clothes or the person?
Last edited by Auraliea; 03-15-2019 at 02:08 PM..
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