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I haven't read through all of this but I'm female and I have to admit that when I was looking at on-line dating profiles, it was a negative for me to see that a guy was into "fine dining in (very upscale area nearby)". Why? I can enjoy a great restaurant meal, although the difference between a $50 bottle of wine and a $150 bottle would be lost on me. That level of dining is for a once-a-year occasion such as a birthday, not every weekend. It's not a financial priority of mine. Given the options of picking up my half of the costs of that level of dining on a regular basis, letting HIM pay the costs (which would make it feel lopsided) or insisting on cheaper places or eating at home- none seems to be a good long-run strategy.
One guy did insist on picking up the lunch check at a moderate place, soft drinks only- but I would have been happy to pay my share. The others were coffee shop places and we each paid our own way.
I think a guy who says in his profile that he enjoys fine dining does run the risk of attracting women who want someone else to pick up the check at a fancy restaurant.
Status:
"Moldy Tater Gangrene, even before Moscow Marge."
(set 5 days ago)
Location: Dallas, TX
5,790 posts, read 3,602,372 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by green_mariner
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
♪ Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I know it's his own damn fault. ♪ (for being naive)
How's a man going to know he's being used unless there are some outward signs?
Agreed. Just because a famous person sang it (in this case, Jimmy Buffet) doesn't make it true. I made a couple of posts on this thread about it already - post 107 and another a few hours ago. That's a major flaw in human beings - they claim to hate dishonest people more than anything else because of the distrust they sow. YET they blame the victim of the lie more harshly than the dishonest person.
This fails to discourage false pretenses on others parts, especially when they blame the perpetrator less than they blame the person unable to see the con job as it's happening. In effect, it gives not-as-low status to the perpetrator than it does to the target. This a disproportion difficult to justify.
I haven't read through all of this but I'm female and I have to admit that when I was looking at on-line dating profiles, it was a negative for me to see that a guy was into "fine dining in (very upscale area nearby)". Why? I can enjoy a great restaurant meal, although the difference between a $50 bottle of wine and a $150 bottle would be lost on me. That level of dining is for a once-a-year occasion such as a birthday, not every weekend. It's not a financial priority of mine. Given the options of picking up my half of the costs of that level of dining on a regular basis, letting HIM pay the costs (which would make it feel lopsided) or insisting on cheaper places or eating at home- none seems to be a good long-run strategy.
One guy did insist on picking up the lunch check at a moderate place, soft drinks only- but I would have been happy to pay my share. The others were coffee shop places and we each paid our own way.
I think a guy who says in his profile that he enjoys fine dining does run the risk of attracting women who want someone else to pick up the check at a fancy restaurant.
Our dinner meals run about $70/100 with tip. A appetizer two main courses and my wife sometimes has a drink. I drive so for me it’s a soft drink or ice tea. These are typical 20/25$ a plate meals.
If I was to take a date to a expensive $100+ a plate meal it would need to be a special occasion like you said. If I was dating the person and I ask them out I wouldn’t expect to share the bill. It would be my bill. On a first date I would want it casual. If I like the person I would get more serious. If I try the expensive place first date I would think they just saw me as desperate to impress.
The guy who enjoys fine dining could be that guy who ran out on dates sticking her with the bill
all you need to do is let her know yr preferences in eating out, and if she agrees with yr preferences, no problem. otherwise, just let her go and find someone who doesn't mind that.
Agreed. Just because a famous person sang it (in this case, Jimmy Buffet) doesn't make it true. I made a couple of posts on this thread about it already - post 107 and another a few hours ago. That's a major flaw in human beings - they claim to hate dishonest people more than anything else because of the distrust they sow. YET they blame the victim of the lie more harshly than the dishonest person.
This fails to discourage false pretenses on others parts, especially when they blame the perpetrator less than they blame the person unable to see the con job as it's happening. In effect, it gives not-as-low status to the perpetrator than it does to the target. This a disproportion difficult to justify.
Dishonesty isn't particular to gender. I've been in situations where men have lied to me and taken advantage of me. Women take advantage too. Blaming the victim is useless. It basically says "What the perpetrator did is okay". Blaming the victim means the perpetrator doesn't have to take responsibility because "it's the perp's nature".
It's important to watch out. It's important to be careful who you deal with. There are times that we might not know better. All the more reason to be vigilant. Something can happen to you, and it won't be your fault that it happened. There are just sick people out there. And it isn't okay that said persons are like this. Sometimes even repeat punishment doesn't stop them from harming other people. This is all the more reason to be discerning, and watch. Many times we won't know what signs to look for in a devious, dishonest person. The best we can do is be careful who we deal with.
Wow people going on dates to take advantage of other people, that is the most groundbreaking thing I have heard in 2019. I would have never thought people would do such a thing!!
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