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Women ask men out, women pay for things, a woman will walk a guy to his car. I have, for any number of reasons: I want to make sure he left, because I live around the corner of my favorite meeting place and didn’t drive there. I’ve also walked a guy out towards his car, when it was time to say good bye but I was going back in to socialize with my friends or neighbors, or have last call with the bartender before going in for the night. I’m an American. Women aren’t a monolithic unit, as is proven here. If you want to know why one woman did something, ask that one woman.
If you think women don’t ask, pay, or accompany a guy to his car… you’re just showing that it never happens in your world, that’s all.
Maybe it sounds unbelievable that a girl did something that is only expected from men but in other cultures its perfectly normal and acceptable for a girl to have the courtesy to pay for dinner and drinks, court pursue and romance a guy, buy him stuff just because (not just once a year for his birthday), walk a guy to his car, propose marriage, buy him an engagement ring/watch, talk to both families about marriage, etc. since the very first date just like a guy does for her. I don't see why nice gestures have to be gender-specific and only from man to woman but not go both ways since the first date.
A breath of fresh clean air indeed with your post - and it certainly beats the disgusting snarkiness that infests this board at times.
Western culture seems progressive in certain things but when it comes to dating you see how some people have reacted here with such little gesture and how it had become a long thread.
Again. What cultures are you referring to. Or did you make it up?
Maybe it sounds unbelievable that a girl did something that is only expected from men but in other cultures its perfectly normal and acceptable for a girl to have the courtesy to pay for dinner and drinks, court pursue and romance a guy, buy him stuff just because (not just once a year for his birthday), walk a guy to his car, propose marriage, buy him an engagement ring/watch, talk to both families about marriage, etc. since the very first date just like a guy does for her. I don't see why nice gestures have to be gender-specific and only from man to woman but not go both ways since the first date.
That's fine for some, but I'm not interested in changing my culture anytime soon. lol
Western culture seems progressive in certain things but when it comes to dating you see how some people have reacted here with such little gesture and how it had become a long thread.
I wouldn't even say it's purley Western culture as much as traditional patriarchal clashing with those that lean neutral or matriarchal.
My friends and I would have dates that would get upset when we would pay because the power dynamic they are used to has been shifted. And it's not a new thing for American women; my mother was the main move maker in her and my fathers courtship (in fact she taught me to always pay for the first date). My best friends mother was the one to propose to her husband.
People making a big deal of this are just looking to find a problem. Some women like paying for their own drinks and might be inquisitive about their dates background for future reference. This isn't even that uncommon in history or practice around the world.
I think the discussion started only because the OP found her behavior odd. We didn't get the whole story but the impression the OP gave seemed to me that he was a bit worried because she seemed maybe too inquisitive and maybe too much in control of the date. Now whether or not any of it was a problem for one or both or at all is just speculation.
I always paid for dates, and they were special occasions for me. There was very minimal contact before the date, just a phone call to set up the time and place and then the preparations for the date, picking something nice to wear, careful grooming, washing the car, picking someplace nice to go. In eight years of dating no woman ever demanded to pay, but if she had I don't think it would have bothered me. But as a rule, if I invite someone, I want to pay, even if it's just friends for dinner. If they want to pay, they can invite me the next time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nuggznsauce
I wouldn't even say it's purley Western culture as much as traditional patriarchal clashing with those that lean neutral or matriarchal.
My friends and I would have dates that would get upset when we would pay because the power dynamic they are used to has been shifted. And it's not a new thing for American women; my mother was the main move maker in her and my fathers courtship (in fact she taught me to always pay for the first date). My best friends mother was the one to propose to her husband.
People making a big deal of this are just looking to find a problem. Some women like paying for their own drinks and might be inquisitive about their dates background for future reference. This isn't even that uncommon in history or practice around the world.
I recently had a visitor to my area (who came here to ski). I was very helpful in finding him info about places to stay, weather conditions, etc., and he offered to take me to dinner in thanks, which I accepted. We got along so well, I invited him out to dinner and a ski movie, and made it clear he's my guest. On his last day, I was planning to buy some Cajun takeout and have him over, but was unable to find the food truck, so suggested that we go to a good local sandwich place and go Dutch. That worked out fine.
It was clear these weren't "dates," as he is married and looking to relocate solo to the ski area. I didn't want him to feel obligated to pick up the check after the original thank you dinner (a nice place). It felt good to be clear about that and not have an awkward situation. I would have handled it the same way had he not been married, to be honest.
Don't know really. Think she was doing toe touches or something . I was not getting spread eagle yoga positions or anything. However based on her remarks and her helping out, its pretty obvious to me now.
Might have gotten a lot more from the two girls banging on my window one night when I guess I had my short off playing a Tandy Radio Shack chess game and they saw me through the window. But like I said, boy scout, not into drunken sex. I was in a Christian group after all at that time so....At least I did not miss that one.
Nope just time to stretch. Women I think will consciously or subconsciously they reveal something to a target audience is what I have gathered over the years. Its a display.....
As far as the first paragraph he was on the upper floor and had a nice window to chill out for the evening. So we were talking for a few hours etc. Again she just casually in the room was stretching I guess passing it off as "that while I am here I may as well do my stretches" . It was not obviously sexual to me which is part of the point. My more worldly wise friend told me what it was, postprandial so to speak.
Stretching, eh. We just had our HOA meeting and one guy in his 70s spent the whole time doing stretches. It was hard to concentrate.
Very odd....
Sounds like you have a good start there, OP. Run with it.
I think the discussion started only because the OP found her behavior odd. We didn't get the whole story but the impression the OP gave seemed to me that he was a bit worried because she seemed maybe too inquisitive and maybe too much in control of the date. Now whether or not any of it was a problem for one or both or at all is just speculation.
I always paid for dates, and they were special occasions for me. There was very minimal contact before the date, just a phone call to set up the time and place and then the preparations for the date, picking something nice to wear, careful grooming, washing the car, picking someplace nice to go. In eight years of dating no woman ever demanded to pay, but if she had I don't think it would have bothered me. But as a rule, if I invite someone, I want to pay, even if it's just friends for dinner. If they want to pay, they can invite me the next time.
I think the way she acted was "odd" in the truest sense of the word. I have no issue with a woman going after what she wants, buying drinks, frankly telling a man she needs piece
But it is a bit odd in that most woman don't really come off as aggressive as the tone was in the OP, I chose tone because I don't know if he meant as written it or it was written poorly and made it sound as if she was just being happily eager.
Can't really tell, that's where sometimes the written can be off without the other non-verbal cues you'd get if you were talking to the guy directly.
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