Dating Struggles in this day and age (marriage, gay, couple)

[Hankrigby]

Originally Posted by yoyogirl

Could women be swiping less because they are not trying to play the numbers game these guys are? They don't want their inbox to get filled up with guys they already know they are not interested in. They are not using the apps in a desperate way. They are not just trying to get any and all matches like the guys who indiscriminately swipe on 80% of profiles. Maybe they are actually looking for one match with someone that can lead to a relationship.

if they're basing their level of interest on a picture I don't think they're looking for Mr Right.

If you are you cast a wide net and spend a lot of time throwing the fish back

The guys who are swiping on everyone, even the ones they are not particularly attracted to, that seems like they are just trying to get a match, any match will do. The equivalent of throwing a bunch of stuff at the wall seeing what will stick.

well they're not swiping on everyone they're swiping on 80%. This is how guys have to use these apps otherwise just delete it and never use it again.

Just because that study says women are more critical about judging men's appearance on the apps, it doesn't automatically follow that they only swipe on the 10% of the "hottest" guys. They might be reading the bio and actually looking for good personality (things like kindness, open mindedness, hobbies), good character, things that would make someone a good romantic partner.

in my experience using dating apps this was sometime ago nobody reads the BIOS. Really it's a waste of time.

When I used an app I didn't swipe the hottest guys, the guys with abs, the guys flashing wealth, etc. Because I knew from experience there is a higher likelihood a guy like that would be a player or act like an entitled jerk. The times I did swipe on guys like that and messaged with them, that was exactly what I found out about them. So I started to avoid certain types.

did you meet your husband that way?

I didn't swipe often because I didn't want to spin my wheels going on dates and messaging with guys I knew it wasn't going to work out with.

the guys approach is I don't know if it will work but how will I know unless I try you can't know that just by reading a few sentences on the dating application.

What I did was read the bio, looked at the kinds of photos he posted and what that said about his personality, the kind of person he is, and if I thought we would click.

yeah that's how it works for women if you're a guy and you're doing that you're not casting a wide enough net and you're not going to get any dates.

The guys I preferred to swipe on were the boy next door types, kind of nerdy, wearing glasses, not ripped, but who seemed to be good people, intelligent, and to have interesting hobbies. Definitely not model handsome or the top tier 10% or whatever, but the guys I thought would be a great fit for me. (I didn't use the apps very long though because of finding out that I was unlikely to find the kind of relationship I want there or the kind of guy I think would be a good fit for me.)

right so what you did didn't work.

It seems like men in these conversations like we are having about the 80/20 stuff, are assuming women think they like they do. And think that women should use the apps like they do (swipe on 80% of the people who are f-able to you just to get a date and a lay).

I think this is a bit misanthropic. Most of the guys I know who are using dating apps are trying to find Mrs Right. I don't think that they think women should use the app like they do. They use the app like they do because that's the only way to use it. If you swipe right on 20% of the pictures you come across and you get absolutely zero messages you stop doing that because it's not working.

If you were invisible to the opposite sex it probably would be something you could relate to.

Stop assuming women think like you. Women in general are not using the apps that way. We are looking for one quality match. Quality = a good fit for us in terms of personality and what we are looking for.

I don't think anyone thinks women think like men. I think what they're thinking is this doesn't work for the average guy and you said the same thing you stopped using the dating apps because you can find the type of guy you like it's not for him.

And no I don't think women are looking for a good match cuz I see so many of them complaining about dating apps.

Not hoping just to match with the hottest Chads or get random attention from every horn dog within a 50 mile radius.

How can you tell they're a horndog by a dating profile everyone lies on those you know that right?

[yoyogirl]

Originally Posted by Hankrigby

if they're basing their level of interest on a picture I don't think they're looking for Mr Right.

If you are you cast a wide net and spend a lot of time throwing the fish back

well they're not swiping on everyone they're swiping on 80%. This is how guys have to use these apps otherwise just delete it and never use it again.
in my experience using dating apps this was sometime ago nobody reads the BIOS. Really it's a waste of time.
did you meet your husband that way?
the guys approach is I don't know if it will work but how will I know unless I try you can't know that just by reading a few sentences on the dating application.
yeah that's how it works for women if you're a guy and you're doing that you're not casting a wide enough net and you're not going to get any dates.
right so what you did didn't work.

I think this is a bit misanthropic. Most of the guys I know who are using dating apps are trying to find Mrs Right. I don't think that they think women should use the app like they do. They use the app like they do because that's the only way to use it. If you swipe right on 20% of the pictures you come across and you get absolutely zero messages you stop doing that because it's not working.

If you were invisible to the opposite sex it probably would be something you could relate to.
I don't think anyone thinks women think like men. I think what they're thinking is this doesn't work for the average guy and you said the same thing you stopped using the dating apps because you can find the type of guy you like it's not for him.

And no I don't think women are looking for a good match cuz I see so many of them complaining about dating apps.


How can you tell they're a horndog by a dating profile everyone lies on those you know that right?

What are you recommending women do differently while using dating apps?

As I said, I did not swipe just based on the photos. I swiped based on the sense I got about the person's personality, based on their profile as a whole. The bio they wrote and the types of photos they posted. A photo engaged in some interesting hobby was a win. A bathroom selfie showing off his abs was a NO.

I know a guy is a horn dog if he writes in his bio something like "I want to make you soak the sheets." NO

Or if he seems ok in his bio but begins sending me d pics right away and asking me for nudes or phone or cam sex.

And if you really think most guys are on apps looking for Mrs. Right, I admire your willingness to give the benefit of the doubt, but most of them are already married or looking for casual hookups. If you don't believe me there are a number of research studies backing this up.

Its not misanthropic. Its just reality. This is how things are.

What exactly are you complaining about though? That women don't cast wide enough of a net? That they should do like men on the apps and swipe on 80%? What should they do when they encounter a married man on the app? What about a man who calls her derogatory names if she rejects his demand for casual sex? What about a man who refuses to do anything except try to sext and exchange nudes?

Should women be less picky even if that means getting involved with married men or men who make clear their intention is to pump and dump? What if a woman doesn't want d pics and doesn't want to send nudes? Should she do it anyway just to be a good sport and not picky?

Do you think women are wrong for leaving dating apps if they have had bad experiences on them? Are women wrong to keep their standards high and refuse to accept poor behavior? And to decide to look for more polite, actually single men to date, in places like church, group hobbies, or volunteer events?

[Hankrigby]

Originally Posted by yoyogirl

What are you recommending women do differently while using dating apps?

Nothing.

As I said, I did not swipe just based on the photos. I swiped based on the sense I got about the person's personality, based on their profile as a whole. The bio they wrote and the types of photos they posted. A photo engaged in some interesting hobby was a win. A bathroom selfie showing off his abs was a NO.

but you stopped using it. Why was that again?

I know a guy is a horn dog if he writes in his bio something like "I want to make you soak the sheets." NO

I know a guy is a horndog because he's a guy. We start thinking about sex and about the age of 11 or 12 and don't stop thinking about it until we're in a coffin.

Or if he seems ok in his bio but begins sending me d pics right away and asking me for nudes or phone or cam sex.

And if you really think most guys are on apps looking for Mrs. Right, I admire your willingness to give the benefit of the doubt, but most of them are already married or looking for casual hookups. If you don't believe me there are a number of research studies backing this up.

I wasn't talking about being on the apps I was talking about single men I know and single men I talk to.

Its not misanthropic. Its just reality. This is how things are.

something can be reality and how it is and still be misanthropic.

What exactly are you complaining about though?

nothing at all I'm 6'8 I don't appear invisible to win I wish I did.

That women don't cast wide enough of a net? That they should do like men on the apps and swipe on 80%? What should they do when they encounter a married man on the app? What about a man who calls her derogatory names if she rejects his demand for casual sex? What about a man who refuses to do anything except try to sext and exchange nudes?

I'm not saying anything about what women should do

Should women be less picky even if that means getting involved with married men or men who make clear their intention is to pump and dump? What if a woman doesn't want d pics and doesn't want to send nudes? Should she do it anyway just to be a good sport and not picky?

I don't have any advice for what women should do I couldn't possibly care less.

Do you think women are wrong for leaving dating apps if they have had bad experiences on them? Are women wrong to keep their standards high and refuse to accept poor behavior? And to decide to look for more polite, actually single men to date, in places like church, group hobbies, or volunteer events?

Again I don't care what women do. I was describing the male experience.

Do whatever you want.

[yoyogirl]

Originally Posted by Hankrigby

Nothing.
but you stopped using it. Why was that again?
I know a guy is a horndog because he's a guy. We start thinking about sex and about the age of 11 or 12 and don't stop thinking about it until we're in a coffin.
I wasn't talking about being on the apps I was talking about single men I know and single men I talk to.
something can be reality and how it is and still be misanthropic.
nothing at all I'm 6'8 I don't appear invisible to win I wish I did. I'm not saying anything about what women should do
I don't have any advice for what women should do I couldn't possibly care less.

Again I don't care what women do. I was describing the male experience.

Do whatever you want.

I think many guys would be better at dating women and finding Mrs. Right when they start listening to what it is women want from them. Instead of being so self focused on what they want themselves.

I am not complaining because I am doing fine. I am trying to help guys who might be frustrated or not getting what they are doing wrong.

They are not listening to women.

[Hankrigby]

Originally Posted by yoyogirl

I think many guys would be better at dating women and finding Mrs. Right when they start listening to what it is women want from them. Instead of being so self focused on what they want themselves.

I disagree. Men who achieve and succeed are always going to be desirable to women so men need to focus on that and don't worry about anything else.

I am not complaining because I am doing fine. I am trying to help guys who might be frustrated or not getting what they are doing wrong.

They are not listening to women.

That's because that's bad advice. What men do is they look at other men who get the women they want and they need to do what those men do. That's how it has worked for eons.

Women will tell you they want a sensitive guy and if that was true why are all the sensitive guys single?

[Sonic_Spork]

Originally Posted by Hankrigby

I disagree. Men who achieve and succeed are always going to be desirable to women so men need to focus on that and don't worry about anything else.

That's because that's bad advice. What men do is they look at other men who get the women they want and they need to do what those men do. That's how it has worked for eons.

Women will tell you they want a sensitive guy and if that was true why are all the sensitive guys single?

Are they?

I know a bunch of sensitive men who are happily married, have girlfriends, or in the case of some poly dudes, both.

[Hankrigby]

Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork

Are they?

Yes. I've actually had women ask me if their sensitive boyfriend was gay.

I know a bunch of sensitive men who are happily married, have girlfriends, or in the case of some poly dudes, both.

I know a lot more that are single. Every guy that I know married to a woman isn't a sensitive guy. It's not a masculine trait.

[Euskalherria]

Originally Posted by yoyogirl

I think many guys would be better at dating women and finding Mrs. Right when they start listening to what it is women want from them. Instead of being so self focused on what they want themselves.

I am not complaining because I am doing fine. I am trying to help guys who might be frustrated or not getting what they are doing wrong.

They are not listening to women.

This right here sums it all up.

So simple... and yet seemingly so difficult for so many.

[yoyogirl]

Originally Posted by Hankrigby

I disagree. Men who achieve and succeed are always going to be desirable to women so men need to focus on that and don't worry about anything else.

Maybe in a bygone era when women couldn't work and had to be dependent on a man to survive.

Simply having a paycheck won't work anymore unless someone is focussing only on poverty stricken or destitute people who have no other options.

A woman supporting herself doesn't need to latch onto a man for success and survival anymore. A man has to actually bring quality company if he wants to be considered a good companion.

That's because that's bad advice. What men do is they look at other men who get the women they want and they need to do what those men do. That's how it has worked for eons.

Women will tell you they want a sensitive guy and if that was true why are all the sensitive guys single?

What other men do is prove to the woman they love that they are a good partner. They do that, in the best of cases, by truly knowing and loving that woman. Each woman is an individual so there is no one size fits all strategy to woo a woman. But men who truly love know what their woman would want, and they do that. Might be simple as lighting some candles, putting her favorite song on, pouring her a glass of wine, and talking to her about anything she wants to talk about.

Could be as elaborate as a surprise vacation to a place she just mentioned one day, but he knows her well enough to know it was important to her, and arranged it.

Women want to be seen.

This lazy stuff isn't cutting it. Texting me "u up?" at 1am while out drinking isn't gonna cut it.

I'll happily stay celibate and call me picky princess all you like. Don't care. Not interested in being a bang maid to a random guy with a paycheck, and don't need to do that for survival, thank goodness.

[RbccL]

Once again, if people don't like using dating apps they should stop. Also, it’s not necessary to try to persuade others that it’s an awful idea, just do your own thing.

One of these days men will understand that some women just aren’t as interested in relationships as they were before, because it’s a different world now. Adjust accordingly, all the statistics and buzz words in the world won’t stop change from happening.