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As someone who has been in an open relationship, single w/ FWBs, and married closed, I still think most people strive to monogamist. With these threads which discuss the pros and cons of different types of relationships or pick on a certain type, the answer from me is always the same. The healthiest relationship is one in which all who enter into it are equal authors of what that relationship means to them... no one else authors the relationship. That includes family and society pressures.
I don't think the problem is the type of relationship... there are problems with all of them. I think there is a problem with people actually being in a relationship. Inability or unwillingness to resolve differences, facilitate communication, etc... It doesn't matter what type of relationship is formed. I haven't really observed any pattern of one type being better than another; it really depends on the people in the relationship.
What I can say is that I have never seen a closed relationship turn open successfully as a means to try and repair the relationship; that is what most people see as getting messy. It would be rare that both in the relationship are "wired" or equally willing to make the change; it is the desperation to save an already failing relationship that drives that decision. I have seen many long term open relationships but the difference is that their relationship was open from the get-go.
I'm no expert here either.... all my relationships have required work, understanding, and communication. They have all had their own challenges. The most challenging was actually being a parent and balancing that role as a spouse. Any regrets? nope.
I ain't seeing poly relationships workingfor the majority of people. It's great to partake if you are only looking for a fun time, and ifyou are young and got nothing better to do with your time, but eventually people start developing feelings for each other, and then the romantic and sexual possessiveness comes into play, and people suddenly want to close the relationship and turn you into their boyfriend or girlfriend, whereas you want to keep going, and everything falls apart.
Besides, how many guys want to ''share'' their girlfriends with other men?
I do think monogamy doesn't work anymore, I think we all need to accept open relationships. I'm not saying everybody must have open relationships. We must atleast accept a spouse or partner who does it responsibly. As humans we suck at being monogamous towards another person. It doesn't have to be done in a selfish and discreet way that leads to harmful mistrust. We need to accept that dating someone new is good for our mental health as well as fulfillment.
Speak for yourself op, yet another one on the internet trying to tell the world how it has to be.
lt's not the end by a long shot, a very long shot, among normal devoted and decent couples or people.
And if you think all the dating crap is so good for people then l'd suggest you read through this forum and other forums too and just see how those out there dating dozens of people for yrs on end are liking it.
l know one thing, the whole lot of it just makes me and many others just thank the Gods we're not out there trying to meet someone, it's just a sad old mess. And your saying all your relationships yeah most others on all the dating forums have had dozens too, but that's not what most marriages or very long and real relationships are, 15 -20-30yrs, or even 58 like my parents. In my 22yr marriage never once did either of us think screwing around was any solution to our later troubles, nor have l even met a woman since that would think what your saying, nor my partner and relationship now either.
I'd be more open to a friends with benefits situation. This way you can hook up if you feel like it, but don't have to feel like you need to live with them like a conventional married couple. This leaves one open to pursuing other leads at the same time.
Yes. There are a few people (men and women) that I know that probably should just remain single/dating. Their priorities are sometimes in conflict with being in a committed relationship of any type. Unfortunately, (esp for women) society judges them harshly albeit it is slowly changing as having children is still considered a measure of "success". As a parent and having a few single-parent friends, I believe it is still important to have a mother and father role in a child's life. That is in direct conflict with those that choose to remain single. What generally happens is that one or the other is either "part time" or worse missing in the child's life.
Yeah well this is it but they're different people to the ones that genuinely want a lifes partner, some people just aren't into that and fair enough. For them all this stuff is prob ideal.
From what I've seen open relationships very rarely work. Usually one partner browbeats the other into accepting it, that partner really only wants consent to cheat, then gets upset if the other does it as agreed, or the partner dragged into it gets more and more resentful ie Will Smith.
I do think monogamy doesn't work anymore, I think we all need to accept open relationships. I'm not saying everybody must have open relationships. We must atleast accept a spouse or partner who does it responsibly. As humans we suck at being monogamous towards another person. It doesn't have to be done in a selfish and discreet way that leads to harmful mistrust. We need to accept that dating someone new is good for our mental health as well as fulfillment.
Personally, I think that's BS.
Granted, I don't know a ton of people who practice polyamory, but I know a couple of couples, and it's an unhappy arrangement for some of the partners. And for me, because some of the partners are unhappy with the arrangement, I don't feel, see, or agree with the need to accept it.
Now, one of the regular posters here has practiced polyamory, and from what I can tell, SHE practiced it in an ethical manner. It seems like no one was hurt. But the people I know...it's not the case. And I'm thinking it's more harmful than good for most people. But I'm 65, so what do I know.
Sleeping around with any tom dick and harry will not help improve your life or relationship in any way. Look around at the people who actually promote this; they are stuck with bottoms who they do not love and adore because of desperation or finances. If you love and adore the person you are with, you won't need to sleep around and will understand a ltr will require compromise and putting your partners needs first. Life will have it's ups and downs but you will not even consider straying because you see it for what is; a waste of your time.
I mean, that depends on what the person is seeking, right? Someone who isn't interested in how serious monogamous, long-term relationships are and how much they require in time, effort, dedication and energy to work out are probably going to seek out poly relationships.
Maybe the original poster is not looking for someone to adore him and he's not looking for someone to adore. Not everyone is looking for a life mate, and that's fine. Everyone's unique, and what each person is going to be wanting to have in his or hers life is going to vary according to the individual.
The problem with polygamy is that more often than not, someone catches feelings, and eventually there will be envy, jealously, and someone will want to have someone's heart for themselves and only for themselves.
Those who are capable of becoming physically intimate with someone and at the same time, avoiding developing romantic feelings, because, maybe they are not the emotional type, can have themselves a field day with those poly relationships, and have a grand old time.
But polygamy is not for everyone, especially since monogamy is what is expected of us, and it's sorta drilled into us from birth, that sleeping with more than one person when one is a romantic relationship is wrong.
I mean, I've never had my grandmother ask me how are my girlfriends doing or how are my boyfriends doing.
People always assume this guy or that gal has only one romantic partner, because that is the standard in our culture. And that can be a good thing.. and a bad thing at the same time.
Granted, I don't know a ton of people who practice polyamory, but I know a couple of couples, and it's an unhappy arrangement for some of the partners. And for me, because some of the partners are unhappy with the arrangement, I don't feel, see, or agree with the need to accept it.
Now, one of the regular posters here has practiced polyamory, and from what I can tell, SHE practiced it in an ethical manner. It seems like no one was hurt. But the people I know...it's not the case. And I'm thinking it's more harmful than good for most people. But I'm 65, so what do I know.
A lot. You have life experience. Probably remember some of the free love hippie stuff happening back in the day too even if you were young. I remember hearing about key parties and swinging, disco orgies and stuff going on in the 70s. Swinging 70s. Then Aids 80s.
The thing about all of that is it is within communities, you don't push these lifestyles on people, and I don't believe non-monogomy should be mainstreamed in a way to pressure people who want traditional relationships to accept it.
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