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I do think monogamy doesn't work anymore, I think we all need to accept open relationships. I'm not saying everybody must have open relationships. We must atleast accept a spouse or partner who does it responsibly. As humans we suck at being monogamous towards another person. It doesn't have to be done in a selfish and discreet way that leads to harmful mistrust. We need to accept that dating someone new is good for our mental health as well as fulfillment.
When you speak on behalf of the entire population, simply based upon your understanding of relationships, probably derived from youtube videos, I can see how your opinion is so ridiculous. Pursue the relationship YOU want. Easy on the “everyone needs to do…” rhetoric. As a fellow human, I certainly don’t suck at monogamy. My ex-wife, however… LOL
I’m just kinda tired of hearing about all the crap people need to do or be involved in to get their release. I just happened to talk to a woman tonight that was telling me about her friends that are poly…and how they each have boyfriends and girlfriends the other doesn’t know about. And about some other guy that’s a swinger…and how her ex husband had 3-4 affairs, blah blah blah.
Maybe I’m just a fool stuck in the past but I like what that movie The Notebook said…
“So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.”
That probably has more to do with your social circles than anything else. The vast majority of people do not have have poly relationships. They don't even have the psychological make-up to engage in several romantic relationships simultaneously.
That probably has more to do with your social circles than anything else. The vast majority of people do not have have poly relationships. They don't even have the psychological make-up to engage in several romantic relationships simultaneously.
Agreed; most people do not seek dysfunctional relationships.
Poly relationships are not dysfunctional by nature, though.
People who are dysfunctional turn their relationships dysfunctional, monogamy or polygamy, it doesn't matter.
Quite a few people are very happy with their poly relationships. I know a guy who lives with his 4 girlfriends and I know a woman who lives with her 2 boyfriends and her 3 girlfriends, and both of these individuals that I met back in college are having the time of their lives.
On the other hand, I know of many monogamous relationships where either the guy or the gal are unhappy, but won't break-up due to their own particular reasons.
Poly relationships are not dysfunctional by nature, though.
People who are dysfunctional turn their relationships dysfunctional, monogamy or polygamy, it doesn't matter.
Quite a few people are very happy with their poly relationships. I know a guy who lives with his 4 girlfriends and I know a woman who lives with her 2 boyfriends and her 3 girlfriends, and both of these individuals that I met back in college are having the time of their lives.
On the other hand, I know of many monogamous relationships where either the guy or the gal are unhappy, but won't break-up due to their own particular reasons.
That's very sad. Staying in an unhappy relationship isn't healthy imo; of course relationships have their ups and downs but if broken may be time to look within and keep it moving.
I don't think much has changed, or will change. The changes I've seen are in terminology, and willingness to be open about it.
I recall back in the 80s I often heard "I don't know any gay people". I doubt many at all say that now. It's not that there are more gay people now, its just that there are more out people.
Same with the different varieties of polyamory, triads, swingers, open marriages, monogamish relationships, etc. Its always been there, its just more open / less in the shadows.
I dunno...yes and no, maybe kinda? Like there is some difference between the question of what people would be open to or inclined to do in the privacy of their thoughts, and what they would ACTUALLY DO in their lives, and societal pressures tend to put more daylight in between the two.
Like decades ago, sure, there were people getting up to such things on the down-low, as you say...but there were probably also LOTS AND LOTS who either never realized it was an option, never gave it any thought, just lived their lives as they felt they were expected to do by default. There were maybe some who had fantasies but didn't realize that their fantasies were somewhat common, assumed other people would think of them as sickos if they even talked about it. There would be some who might even have been really willing to engage in some of these things but decided not to, out of concern of being social pariahs.
I mean, I've known a number of older men, middle aged and beyond, who are only just now coming out about being gay, kinky, poly, trans, you name it...and they were married to conservative churchy wives who are now blindsided and horrified because this man lied and hid who he was for DECADES, they have a family and now it's all coming apart at the seams... And it's like, that's a really tough thing. I want to be like, "live and let live" and supportive of people doing whatever, right, but I also feel like there's something pretty wrong about leading others down one path and then turning about decades in and being like, "Surprise! I'm not who you thought I was!" You can't just expect them to be fine with it, when you turn their whole reality upside down. I feel sorry for everyone involved in those situations. (Like I know 2 families in real life and one from online, where this happened.)
So yeah, I think that the growing pains that go with this kind of social change...the situations that lie somewhere in between the old days where people were closeted or discreet, and the modern times of "That polycule on a reality show about this lady who builds sex rooms"... Somewhere in the middle there are some eggs getting broken in the making of this here social omelet, and that sucks.
Agreed; most people do not seek dysfunctional relationships.
Dating is a skill with a learning curve where the more time you spend dating, in general the better you get at it.
In general, the people who who are dating multiple people seem to have much stronger dating skills than the people who aren't do this. Online the poly people never really exit the dating pool, so they have far more dating experience than everyone else and that means that their dating intelligence seems to be higher than people who aren't poly.
The reaon I don't think most people will ever be poly though is that it takes a lot of effort and skill to juggle multiple relationships and I don't think most people have the desire, nor really the ability, nor time, to learn how to do so.
For me the tought that has gone through my mind is one set of inlaws is difficult enough, how many different mother-in-laws to you want to deal with at Thanksgiving?
Dating is a skill with a learning curve where the more time you spend dating, in general the better you get at it.
In general, the people who who are dating multiple people seem to have much stronger dating skills than the people who aren't do this. Online the poly people never really exit the dating pool, so they have far more dating experience than everyone else and that means that their dating intelligence seems to be higher than people who aren't poly.
The reaon I don't think most people will ever be poly though is that it takes a lot of effort and skill to juggle multiple relationships and I don't think most people have the desire, nor really the ability, nor time, to learn how to do so.
For me the tought that has gone through my mind is one set of inlaws is difficult enough, how many different mother-in-laws to you want to deal with at Thanksgiving?
And a good percentage of people want kids. Between kids, work, sleep, eating, driving, etc — how many people really have time for additional relationships…other than for the novelty of having sex with different people while attaching a fashionable name to it. If you’re a woman (or man) that wants to hook up with multiple people…avoid any negative/judgmental names (even if in your own mind) like “ho” or “sl**” by branding yourself polyamorous. Problem solved.
And a good percentage of people want kids. Between kids, work, sleep, eating, driving, etc — how many people really have time for additional relationships…other than for the novelty of having sex with different people while attaching a fashionable name to it. If you’re a woman (or man) that wants to hook up with multiple people…avoid any negative/judgmental names (even if in your own mind) like “ho” or “sl**” by branding yourself polyamorous. Problem solved.
These are the same bone heads who go to a sex club and expect it to be like watching porn. Even poo has been known by a few aliases.
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