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I talk to anyone that wants to talk — never had a circle. We don’t know what poly means other than anecdotal stories from those that tell their experience. I mean we have stats on something like divorce but I don’t know of any studies that rate the happiness level or success rate of poly relationships.
Ok... so completely strangers come up to you and reveal this stuff.. ok.
I talk to anyone that wants to talk — never had a circle. We don’t know what poly means other than anecdotal stories from those that tell their experience. I mean we have stats on something like divorce but I don’t know of any studies that rate the happiness level or success rate of poly relationships.
There are books on the subject, discussion forums on the subject, discussion groups and real life "communities" centered around it. So if I talk about what poly means as I know it, it's from exposure to those who are defining it with their ideas and actions.
And certain ideas are common/repeated enough to become pretty standard.
"Ethical non-monogamy" is meant to be a contrast to just...cheating. Which is UNETHICAL mainly because it violates the consent of anyone who is being deceived. You cannot give informed consent if you don't have information because it's being kept from you.
Under the umbrella of ethical non-monogamy, or ENM, are polyamory and swinging and probably a few other less common things. Polyamory tends to focus on relationships. Swinging has a focus on sex.
There is a ton of other terminology. Just a ton. I started to elaborate about that but changed my mind, it would make for another of my long posts and you probably don't care. But there are definitely groups of people who have talked about this stuff and established best practices and common mistakes, and for all that it's uncommon...it's not as uncommon as you may think. I suspect that a lot of people know non-monogamous folks who just keep it quiet so you'd never know. But at the club in Colorado Springs where I used to volunteer a lot, we had various discussion groups dedicated to different interests and the polyamory one was by far the biggest and most active and well attended. Most would have a turn out of like 5-15 people, one time I saw 80 people show up for the poly discussion group. And while I never went to one of the swinger's parties (there isn't really much overlap between the BDSM people and the swingers, believe it or not)...they were some of the most highly attended and lucrative (off the door charges) events at the club.
One night I heard stories about from other volunteers, they had promoted it through a swingers website, and they had like 250 people show up, which is a lot for the space. The computerized payment and membership check in system at the door went down that night for the first few hours which made it pretty much a logistical nightmare that was talked about for a long time. I joked that it sounded like they were redefining "cluster f"...
There are books on the subject, discussion forums on the subject, discussion groups and real life "communities" centered around it. So if I talk about what poly means as I know it, it's from exposure to those who are defining it with their ideas and actions.
And certain ideas are common/repeated enough to become pretty standard.
"Ethical non-monogamy" is meant to be a contrast to just...cheating. Which is UNETHICAL mainly because it violates the consent of anyone who is being deceived. You cannot give informed consent if you don't have information because it's being kept from you.
Under the umbrella of ethical non-monogamy, or ENM, are polyamory and swinging and probably a few other less common things. Polyamory tends to focus on relationships. Swinging has a focus on sex.
There is a ton of other terminology. Just a ton. I started to elaborate about that but changed my mind, it would make for another of my long posts and you probably don't care. But there are definitely groups of people who have talked about this stuff and established best practices and common mistakes, and for all that it's uncommon...it's not as uncommon as you may think. I suspect that a lot of people know non-monogamous folks who just keep it quiet so you'd never know. But at the club in Colorado Springs where I used to volunteer a lot, we had various discussion groups dedicated to different interests and the polyamory one was by far the biggest and most active and well attended. Most would have a turn out of like 5-15 people, one time I saw 80 people show up for the poly discussion group. And while I never went to one of the swinger's parties (there isn't really much overlap between the BDSM people and the swingers, believe it or not)...they were some of the most highly attended and lucrative (off the door charges) events at the club.
One night I heard stories about from other volunteers, they had promoted it through a swingers website, and they had like 250 people show up, which is a lot for the space. The computerized payment and membership check in system at the door went down that night for the first few hours which made it pretty much a logistical nightmare that was talked about for a long time. I joked that it sounded like they were redefining "cluster f"...
My personal opinion is that the majority of people who know the ends and outs of polydoly whatever and swinging tend to be people I categorize as having a few screws lose. My personal observation.
My personal opinion is that the majority of people who know the ends and outs of polydoly whatever and swinging tend to be people I categorize as having a few screws lose. My personal observation.
To be honest, your personal observations about the people who live around you in your area have not been very kind, from what I've seen around the forums.
Have you considered moving?
Screws loose or tight, whatever you may mean by that, if someone is happy and having fun and harming no one, I don't see an issue. Most of the people I know who are non-monogamous are very successful, upper middle class professionals. Most have no kids, own very nice homes, and lead happy and prosperous lives.
If they have loose screws, hey...the wheels sure aren't comin' off.
I have an ex husband who is a conservative curmudgeon. He is hateful to himself and everyone around him, lives for the day that "the balloon goes up" and dystopia comes and he tries to truck it off into the mountains to live like some kind of warlord. He is addicted to drugs and alcohol, loves his guns (and refers to them every time he loses an argument) and is constantly derogatory towards women, mostly because these days none want to date or have sex with him.
He thinks that the happy polyamorous people are "crazy," too.
Because I tried living "the right way"...marrying the father of my kids, staying all good and faithful, setting aside my own needs and wants and not being selfish. Being wholesome and hard working. I mean, for years, I didn't even use profanity.
And it was a waste of half of my adult life. It led to misery, bankruptcy, abuse, just...nothing good.
So when I walked away from that and got into degeneracy, I found all of these wonderful, kind people and had lots of fantastic times with them. Still do whenever I can. And it's like the difference between living in a war zone versus living in a spa resort.
I no longer have any interest in righteous suffering. So, I am a proud degenerate.
Others of course, will find ways to be happy and fulfilled with no degeneracy, or at least I hope, because I hope for everyone to find a happy life. Which appears to be one of the more consistent differences between me and the "non-degenerates." I actually live and let live with genuine respect, kindness and good wishes to others - even those very much unlike myself.
I don't really get it the animosity. But whatever floats your boat I guess.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,943,649 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mielinacea
Why are people such proud degenerates?
Bigger question is why some people see other adults having mutually consenting relationships or sex as "degenerates" because their relationships or sexual connections don't look like theirs.
Bigger question is why some people see other adults having mutually consenting relationships or sex as "degenerates" because their relationships or sexual connections don't look like theirs.
Right? I don't why people care about what others do, how they do it, or whom they do it with.
I'm all for whatever combo makes for healthy happy, productive members of society. Considering the costs of buying a home and such, I could see a lot of benefits, for society and the economy, of whatever group chooses to become a family.
Myself? No. I'm not wired that way, and it sounds.... tiring.
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Bigger question is why some people see other adults having mutually consenting relationships or sex as "degenerates" because their relationships or sexual connections don't look like theirs.
I guess I was just primarily thinking about the children being involved into this.
Eh whatever, you’re right… Not my monkeys, not my circus.
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