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I think there are people who aren’t meant to be married, but I don’t think it’s necessarily because they are too independent. Maybe they are really just too selfish.
There are plenty of husbands who are proud of their successful wives, even though they must share her time with her other passions.
It takes luck to find the right man. It seems to me that an independent man would only want to marry someone who is like that too.
I think there are people who aren’t meant to be married, but I don’t think it’s necessarily because they are too independent. Maybe they are really just too selfish.
There are plenty of husbands who are proud of their successful wives, even though they must share her time with her other passions.
It takes luck to find the right man. It seems to me that an independent man would only want to marry someone who is like that too.
Not sure I understand your first paragraph. Tere are a lot of people who would love to be married or in a partnership but they just can't seem to find the right fit. It's not because of selfishness. In my situation I'm just not willing to get burned again. I've spent a lot of time healing and working on myself and I'm not willing to risk everything again. Not only that I've seen people get into marriages where there are adult children involved and there's a whole can of worms with that about inheritances. I have a friend who's married to a very wealthy man. His children treat her like dirt. It's completely unacceptable. I'm not willing to allow that kind of negativity into my life.
It truly does take luck to find the right person. It's the luck of the draw in too many cases. A lot of things factor into that: demographics, culture, health, dysfunction. By demographics I mean there are more men than women but a significant number of men have issues that women refuse to deal with. For those who would take issue with this statement there are women with issues too. There are men on this board who would love to find a woman. The issue exists for both sexes.
Some men like independent women and some don't, but my experience is that very few men like a woman who is more successful than they are, or who are better at life skills or earning, or sports, or anything else.
Many want a woman with a good income, up only up to the point where the woman doesn't have a more important higher status job than they have. Some men enjoy having a wife who can take care of herself and entertain herself and keep busy without making demands on his time or energy.
Home is where most men expect to always be the "winner" in the contest of life and they don't handle it well when the woman is more successful than they are. Not all men, but a very large percentage of them. They welcome success, but it has to stop short of surpassing them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TeaByrd
And how pathetic is all of that in 2022? Really. How childish and fragile.
I tend to agree w/ oregonwoodsmoke re: how many men think, BUT I personally don't like it & think it's sad & pathetic as well, like what TeaByrd said. Funny how men think they're so big, bad, tough, macho, "the man", or whatever in most or all other aspects of their life, yet they don't seem strong & confident enough to handle a strong, independent woman. If that type of lady's their partner, they should be glowing w/ pride for her, supportive all the way, & a LOT more so have the mentality of, "that's MY lady, look at what she's accomplished!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
Some do and some don’t.
If you’re independent to the point where you don’t need him of course he probably won’t stick around.
There’s a need for a healthy medium.
Once again, like I said above re: the part I bolded, that's a shame that the man isn't confident enough to not care that his own lady that he's supposed to love deeply can't dare be (gasp!) independent & take care of herself, my God.
Couples should be more of equal partners, not to the point of the men will let (or even make) their lady carry their own suitcase, open their own doors, pump their own gas, etc., etc., etc., but I wish TONS more men did know that their lady doesn't really need them. The men are there for companionship to share life w/, have fun together in life, & that kind of thing just as the lady should be for the man (& NOT be come servant fetching his slippers, having dinner ready on the table, doing h is laundry, etc.)
Like I said previously to a poster here, I strongly believe that women have to always be in the position to take care of themselves, so they don't have to put up w/ BS from men because they have to. And by, "put up w/ BS", I mean if that SOB starts getting abusive, cheating, controlling, drinking, etc. because it's not always roses & sunshine like at the beginning of a new relationship for every lady, hopefulyl she's in the postition to get out ASAP & not have to put up w/ any of it. (Now yes, I'm sure there were red flags that she ignored so she continued to date him, but that's another topic...)
Last edited by Forever Blue; 11-08-2022 at 06:29 AM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mink57
But WHY can't he accept being WANTEDwithout being NEEDED?
That's what most people want, from what I see. Be with me because you want to be with me, not because you need to. The latter has a very negative image.
Once again, like I said above re: the part I bolded, that's a shame that the man isn't confident enough to not care that his own lady that he's supposed to love deeply can't dare be (gasp!) independent & take care of herself, my God.
That's kind of where the idea of "toxic" masculinity comes in. If masculinity is so strong, stoic and unemotional, then why women have to walk on eggshells and be less so that these guys don't get hurt feelings?
That's kind of where the idea of "toxic" masculinity comes in. If masculinity is so strong, stoic and unemotional, then why women have to walk on eggshells and be less so that these guys don't get hurt feelings?
I don't know. I wish women didn't feel the need to walk on eggshells & be afraid of men & I've sure in hell never done it. Men are just people too. They put their pants on 1 leg at a time like the rest of us. Who are they, some great big gods or something?!
& not that I've ever dated/been married to an abusive man, but let's say a man thinks he can hit me for the 1st time. I'm done right there & outta there, of course & I may hit hit back. No crying & crawling in the corner for me!
This concept of a person loving feeling that another person needs them is weird to me. Wants them? Best feeling in the universe.
Need: I need you because if you weren't paying the bills, my credit would be destroyed and nothing would get paid; I'd never have clean clothes; I would eat Pop Tarts for breakfast, lunch and dinner; I'd run the car into the ground; I'd never be on time for anything...
Maybe there are people who think these things are cute or endearing, or get their ego stoked by an adult needing them to do these things because they are not capable. It just sounds so parental. An adult that is content to be incapable and needs someone around to do basic adulting things for them is just something I can't wrap my head around.
Well there are plenty of guys out there who are child-free like me and consider fertility a definite negative.
Tell me you have had your tubes tied and see how my interest picks up...
Now the rest of it - what's not to like? Looks, money, your own stuff, what's not to like?
Your 65 and wanting a woman who has had a tubal ligation. Why not just get a vasectomy?
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