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I agree. Many years ago I read about a very successful doctor who was a real badass at work, and when interviewed about her successful marriage she explained that when she is home she is a completely different person: "traditionally feminine," submissive, passive, domesticated... I think it makes a lot of sense for some women if it comes naturally to them.
Wuuut?
No dude.
Just no...
Not in my world. I don't know how old some of the people are who are posting though.
Some men like independent women and some don't, but my experience is that very few men like a woman who is more successful than they are, or who are better at life skills or earning, or sports, or anything else.
At least in MY generation, men may start off with a little of that subconsciously, but once they see what it takes to climb the ladder and get to the finish line, they'll gladly have the missus take the lead.
Now ... I think making nothing or very little and having to be a SAHP for the duration with a high earning spouse. That is a different story. But that is a role that men will get used to with each successive generation.
We're also just defining success in terms of money.
At least in MY generation, men may start off with a little of that subconsciously, but once they see what it takes to climb the ladder and get to the finish line, they'll gladly have the missus take the lead.
Now ... I think making nothing or very little and having to be a SAHP for the duration with a high earning spouse. That is a different story. But that is a role that men will get used to with each successive generation.
It IS changing. When I lived in Belmont Heights (Long Beach, CA) I saw lots of men out pushing strollers while walking the dog. Lots. It's a high rent, high income area and the women had major careers making major money.
When I was younger, I finally got away from my parents in my junior year of college. That's when I began the journey of being independent. It took a few years to really get there, but by about age 24 I moved to San Francisco, had great paying jobs and lived in a spiritual community (cheap rent, shared chores, like minded people). Guys would be interested but then they would see that I'm very independent and not co-dependent or clingy. I had a lot of interests and still do. I was immersed in those. Guys would move on. I didn't really care.
Along about age 28 I started thinking I wanted to be a mother. Yes, I did want to be married but more importantly I wanted to be a mother. I became co-dependent with an abusive, unloving husband.
Fast forward years later I was single again and I went back to my independent ways. Again, guys would get the impression I could take or leave a relationship. I just have my own interests, and every time I would get involved with a guy, I'd have to capitulate to his interests, his hobbies, his lifestyle. It never appealed to me. I've seen too many women give up their lives and become immersed in their relationship. Not a great thing.
I don't think guys really like a woman that is quite so independent. Maybe "inter"dependent but not too independent. They like women who are a bit more dependent.
I saw some advice on other threads about finding your joy, following your interests. The thing is, you can't do it too much or you won't be that good a candidate for a committed relationship unless the guy is a lot like you are and is in sync with your needs, meaning, he operates the same way you do and respects your need to maintain your interests, hobbies and lifestyle.
I think in a nutshell, when in regard to men liking independent women, they are referring to self-sustaining women. No man wants to hook up with someone who needs help with their bills, constantly broke, always needing something financially. As for interests and hobbies, no two people are going to have all the same hobbies and interests. If there are mutual interests, enjoy together as much as possible. If there are some things that he doesn't like, do it when he's doing something he likes and you don't. You don't base a relationship on hobbies, everyone is different. You can be compatible and have different hobbies.
Oh right, agreed. I didn't mean to imply that those interests, hobbies and activities should be the same. Just that each partner allows space for same.
Independent women are great for older more maturer relationships. Dated both dependent and independent women and there benefits having someone who knows what she wants and have the resources. I think the major issue for me is that most independent women are better at time management. If we make dates, the women with the least free time are the ones that are most punctual. As opposed to women who aren’t as independent are constantly late or act like they have a busy lifestyle but aren’t really good at time management.
It's not about anyone being the alpha. That's what the guys who need to be the "alpha" don't get. Neither half of the couple dominates, or has any interest in dominating. That paradigm is simply absent from their world view.
They share chores, support each other, make decisions mutually, contribute ideas spontaneously as they arise ("hey, I heard about a great vacation spot...", or "do you think we should restructure our investment portfolio in view of the fallout from Covid", or "our state is now requiring people to have electric cars by X year. Should we get an early start by looking at those when we trade in our car next year?"), and have no need for power dynamics. It's just a different mentality. And this really isn't anything new; there have been couples like that for a few generations, now.
And you can do all of the above and still be independent.
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