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I don't believe that anyone is perfect (myself included) and I've never met anyone who had every. single. preference. that I might conceive of in my head checked off. So it was only ever a question of what am I compromising on? And how much does it matter?
The stuff that does matter...I have tried to compromise on in the past and that didn't work out well. Core values and such. Not good to try and get by and live with things that are going to make you miserable. Been there, did that.
Husband I have now...he's not quite as active as I might like and I want him to clean his bathroom more than he seems willing to do. These are small things. We share the big values, the good stuff, and we both love one another a lot. I cannot think of anyone I've ever met who would be a better choice...I didn't expect to find anyone who was as good a match for me as he is, and I didn't expect to commit to anything like a marriage again after my first one ended.
Two. Married both of them ( not at the same time ). Divorced both, one after 19 months, the other after 19 years. Two dumbest things I have ever done, especially the second one. I still cannot believe that I could have been that dumb, but was.
"Compatibility" doesn't really describe it. Shared important values ( honesty, fidelity, kindness, respect, and more ), kindred spirits, great rapport, genuine respect for differences.
But in my naivety did not appreciate enough what was there until it was gone.
Fortunately, they have both remarried and seem to be quite happy in their new lives, and have done very well. And I have adjusted to and accepted not ever ( again ) finding the right one. So I am happy too.
Two. Married both of them ( not at the same time ). Divorced both, one after 19 months, the other after 19 years. Two dumbest things I have ever done, especially the second one. I still cannot believe that I could have been that dumb, but was.
"Compatibility" doesn't really describe it. Shared important values ( honesty, fidelity, kindness, respect, and more ), kindred spirits, great rapport, genuine respect for differences.
But in my naivety did not appreciate enough what was there until it was gone.
Fortunately, they have both remarried and seem to be quite happy in their new lives, and have done very well. And I have adjusted to and accepted not ever ( again ) finding the right one. So I am happy too.
In both cases I was not happy, but should have been. Now I have more sense, and simply choose to be happy.
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