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Hmmm... I'm a little confused at the "insensitivity" part, Lindsey. I made allusions to the fact that amniotic fluid smells bad. And I haven't seen anyone contradict that. But I didn't say that it was my wife's fault... that women stink and should find a way to mask it. I don't think anyone elses posts were derrogatory towards anyone. Giving birth is a beautiful thing in it's entirety... but truly a "dirty" (fluids, cramps, pain, etc.) in reality. I think it went directly to the original question that was asked about watching childbirth having an adverse affect on the overall sexual drive of anyone in a relationship.
Since this is a relationship forum, I see it as no different than asking do people prefer heavy or thin, black or white, kids or no kids. You will find references that may be misinterpreted or considered "insensitive" in all those.
I also find that people that find insensitivity, or racism, or sexism the most are those that spend waaay too much time looking for it.
And as a side note... although I didn't like the smell... my post WAS supposed to be taken as light-hearted and funny... making the most of a bad situation.. lemons out of lemonade. I read that with most of the other posts too.
I don't have any kids yet, but honestly I don't think I want my husband down there watching! I'm with the poster that had her husband stand behind her.
I kind of feel like if you can't suck it up and get through the roll of holding my hand while I am throwing up, going out for whatever I am craving AND deal with seeing your child born and NOT being emotionally scarred afterward, then your not a real man and I don't have time for you.
BUT THATS JUST ME.
This sort of smacks of someone who is so self absorbed to have forgotten or never realized what is actually involved in a woman being pregnant. The pain and discomfort, the actual risk to the womans life.
Let me give you all some advice, there are alot of medical related things that will FAR outweigh any gross out factor in child birth. I hope NONE of you have to face them but childbirth is pretty MILD compared to so many other things out there.
If you can't get by this without problems then your in for BIG problems if your mate has a heart attack, cancer and any number of other things that are lurking in the halls of the hospital.
I watched BOTH my Mother and Father have a heart attack one summer, my Father had a quad bypass my Mother stints. I sat in the ER room with WHILE they were trying to resucitate him and I watched them give up and call the code and annouce the time of death.
I was only 15 when they told ME that I might have to have my right arm amputated because of cancer.
my husband was holding one leg while i was pushing and for some reason he wanted to see everything. and after being on bed rest for 4 months and having to wait another 6 weeks, he couldnt wait! but i could--i think it took more than 6 weeks for me to get semi back to normal. so no i dont think it had an adverse effect--although now i see your point lol
With our first child together I asked my DH to stay up by my head because I was the one who was embarrassed, but he "saw" a lot anyway. With our second, I had a C-section and he told me he "tried not to look".
However, he definitely wanted to be there for both the boys being born.
He did cut both cords and was the first one to hold our second baby (with the first, they placed him on my stomach first).
My husband was actually less into sex while I was pregnant than afterward. He couldn't put together "cute little tiny baby curled up right there" with "hot sex crazed hormonal wife". Afterward, though, it was no problem.
But whenever I've asked him what the births looked like, he just shook his head and kind of closed his eyes.
We've all had problems and adversity to face in our lives and everyone's take is different. If you didn't like the responses... leave the thread and don't come back to it. There's other threads to read in the Relationships forum.
Everyone's perspective in life can be different than another. The original question was valid in my opinion... and your belittling it as a genuine concern is worse than any reply so far.
Lindsey, I'm sorry you have been through so much...
I actually can see the men's side to this. We women have "gory" goings-on in the area for many years, usually, before having children, and this often includes pain and sometimes other issues, so we're a little desensitized to "gross" gynecological stuff by the time we're adults. But men don't have any of that. Then all of a sudden they're thrown into, "Would you help me massage the perineum, Mr. Smith?"
I just think it's a big shock to a lot of men. Frankly, it's a big shock even to a lot of women.
I thought the fact that I was having my children was beautiful...but I admit there were parts that were gross. I think guys should be able to talk about this stuff...I think they may fear they're weird or not Renaissance men or something if they don't think every aspect of it is absolutely beautiful. And not every aspect is.
The end result is, and the being-together part is, and the baby is (no matter what it actually looks like...we always think our newborns are beautiful) and those are the parts that count. And the fact that our husbands want to experience it with us.
I always said that as hard as labor was, it must have been easier for me than my husband, because I was actually doing something. He had to just stand there helplessly, rub my back, and wonder what I was feeling. And he had to put on a brave face while all these extremely surreal-looking things were going on. My hat is off to the men who have hung with their wives through the whole thing; and of course you know you're lucky because that's a moment that will never come again with a given child, and you were right there for it.
When I was in labor the nurse asked if I wanted a mirror to "watch"! I started laughing and asked her "Now why in hell would I want to see that???"
With that said, if I can't watch why would I expect my husband to be able to withstand that visual???
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