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Has a full-time job, earns approximately half of the household income, if she has kids she goes back to work by the time each child is 2-3 years old, cooks well, keeps the house very clean, wears very feminine clothing and keeps herself made up/hair done, etc, has sex whenever the husband wants, does more listening than talking, keeps her opinions to herself, is very aware of the economy, politics, the world, etc.
LOL, wonder how many people didn't notice the mixing of the two.
Your two choices are generalizations that only a small percentage of women are going to fit in.
I myself am a stay at home mom, but I consider myself modern than traditional.
For example, nowadays, some women seem to think that their worth and value is directly related to their paycheck. I don't, as I currently don't get a paycheck. My value as a person and mother cannot be quantified by some person who would like to hire me.
I am not a servant in the bedroom nor in the house.
My husband makes the money, we both have the right to spend it as we see fit, and as long as that it in a mutually agreeable way. I have always done our finances and do not, nor will not "live on an allowance". He makes it, but it's "our" money. I don't ask permission to spend money. Whatever available for free use is available on a first come, first served basis. There seems to be enough of it at the time so I am not worried about it.
If I made so much more than him, I'd love it if he'd stay home and do all the things I do.
(Curiously enough, if he did stay home with the kids, a "stay at home dad", HE'D be considered the modern man while a working dad would be traditional. Hmmmmm..)
I work in my home, so that both my husband and I will have more leisure time. Because I am able to get done during the day what working MEN AND WOMEN are scrambling to get done in the evening and weekends, my husband and I enjoy the ability to spend our evenings and weekends doing what we please, not running around like chickens with our heads cut off, going to grocery stores, costco, dentists, doctors, picking up prescriptions, soccer shoes for the kids, all those mundane little tasks that I can get done in MY 9-5. My kids can do whatever activities they want because I am here to take them to swimming, soccer, acrobatics, ballet, cub scouts, preschool, etc.... I don't make decisions for my kids based on my schedule, I make decisions for them based on their needs and desires and what is best for them.
I don't think I am traditional at all. I am modern enough to realize that I don't need to get stuck working full time, and then get stuck doing all the housework and most of the running around. (which I am afraid is probably what half your "modern" women are doing) Your so called "modern" women have been bamboozled, probably by their husbands or some other man, to think that they have a dollar sign on their foreheads, and that there worth is less if they don't bring in that kind of income. They are too timid to say, "here I am, and you are not going to make me feel worthless if I decide to take care of my children instead of going out to pursue the almighty dollar"
That being said, when my daughter hits full day kindergarten, I would like to work PART TIME only. Never again will I work full time unless it is economically necessary. Frankly, why bother when we just don't need the money? Any time spent at work after 2:30 is only going to take away from my kids anyway? Does that make me traditional? I don't think so. It's logical.
Anyway, I am not a man, but if I was in the market for a wife, I'd want one like me. Unless we were broke of course, then I might like one that worked and we just would have to suck up the fact that not everyone can be financially comfortable with someone staying home with the kids. I'd rather do the running around on the weekends doing errands together than never have enough money.
A lot of you mentioned that no woman fits into any of the stereotypes that I created in my original post. I purposely put in two very different categories because there are a million shades of gray in between and outside of the two categories. I'm just really interested in knowing if given one choice over the other, what a man would choose.
As a single woman, I've found a ton of guys who have been very attracted to me because I am ambitious, have a career, speak my mind, am knowledgeable about the world, etc. I have also found some men who seem to be intimidated by it or see women as a simply a way to bear children. My father is certainly an example of a more traditional thinker in that the only reason he wants a woman in his life is to take care of him.
I think it's interesting because a lot of guys SAY they want a more "modern" woman and will date women like that but when the guy settles down and marries someone, he picks someone who is more on the "traditional" end of the spectrum. I was just curious if there is any merit to what I have noticed.
So, if the men on this forum can humor me a little bit, please pretend than option 1 and option 2 are the only two types of women on earth. Who would you marry?
I can not even fathom a man being able to take on that mixture of 1 and 2 himself - if that's the kind of woman you want...then I would guess that's also the kind of man you should be (given that it's a 50/50 split.)
But are men making dinner? No. Are the men cleaning the house and taking care of the children 50%? Highly doubtful. But they'd like us to make 50% of the income? HUH?
I hate cleaning - luckily my husband is a neat freak. The only reason we have a bi-weekly housecleaner is because he was tired of ME not cleaning my 50%. So I PAY FOR, the housecleaner.
LOVE your post Mommytotwo! So much I agree with and see myself in... minus the "mommy" part (as I can't have children... but to me that's a blessing, so don't feel bad for me ).
As a single woman, I've found a ton of guys who have been very attracted to me because I am ambitious, have a career, speak my mind, am knowledgeable about the world, etc. I have also found some men who seem to be intimidated by it or see women as a simply a way to bear children. My father is certainly an example of a more traditional thinker in that the only reason he wants a woman in his life is to take care of him.
What have been the education levels of the men you've been dating or interested in? I think that the greater the education levels, the more liberal a man is in terms of what he's looking for in a woman. In other words, men with master's or doctorates will probably be more interested in a woman who is ambitious, along with all the other qualities you listed above, and will be far less likely to be intimidated. Men with lower education than you will probably be intimidated. Men with higher education levels/more high powered careers are more likely to be interested in being with/marrying a high powered woman. Part of this could be because they work with these types of women so are likely going to be dating a lot of them in their own field, and are thus open to dating other high powered women in different fields.
Also, you need to look for more liberal men, rather than conservative men. Why don't you consider some of the online dating sites like "Intellect Connect," where I would imagine you'd find lots of men who would be looking for a woman just like you.
You also need a man who is extremely smart, who would love to have a woman like you to challenge him intellectually. One easy way to find super smart men is to look for men with high levels of education (i.e. masters or doctorates) and/or look for men in high powered careers.
You also need a man who is extremely smart, who would love to have a woman like you to challenge him intellectually. One easy way to find super smart men is to look for men with high levels of education (i.e. masters or doctorates) and/or look for men in high powered careers.
I would say 80% of the time, people can not simply be summed up into two categories. Humans are way more complex than that. As others have mentioned, a mixture is probably where its at. However, the mixture I would want between category (a) and category (b) may not be the same mixture that the next guy would want.
Heck, I dont fit in any normal category myself. Do you know how big the category is for females or males that dont want kids? And of the ones that dont want kids, many times those dont want marriage. Where are the non-kid people who want to get married? Add to the top of that atheist and you've got yourself a bonafide freak on your hands (in the eyes of most of American society, not necessarily the rest of the world)
Ultimately, if I had to pick between the two categories, it would probably be an easy choice of the modern woman, but, thats assuming I'm attracted to the girl. If the 'old-fashioned' girl was considerably more attractive, I may reconsider but she would have to not want kids as thats a deal breaker for me.
Sometimes I wish I had the life of a lazy cat so I wouldnt have to worry about these issues.
Last edited by 3pointone4; 09-17-2008 at 01:38 PM..
Men prefer a modern woman when its time to pay the bills and a traditional woman when its time to cook dinner.
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