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focus on getting to safety, but sounds like you agree with me that something like that happens to men more than women
I think it does. Although autism spectrum disorders (ASD) are under diagnosed in girls, I work in the field of developmental disabilities and men (boys) are still more prone to most conditions and syndromes that cause developmental challenges. Those challenges tap into abilities like sense of humor, story telling, poise, etc, that are bigger assets socially for men than they are for women. They're great traits for anyone to have, but men benefit more from those "social" skills. So as a group, men are more likely to have issues that especially limit their attractiveness.
If we're talking about groups though, a physically unattractive woman has less chance to compensate or enhance her attractiveness by being funny or a leader or an artist than a similarly physically unattractive man has. That doesn't help a man who struggles to say hello to a woman, but it does even things out some among groups of men and women.
So if you can't attract people with your looks or personality or talent, you're out of luck. You're going to be stuck in that desert. The thing is, you only need to be pretty good in one of those three categories or not be awful in any to have some luck dating. You may not be able to stand next to Channing Tatum or one of those Ryans (I'm so old I include O'neill) and have lots of woman approach you, but you'll have some options.
In most cases if you get to 46 and you haven't had any luck dating, you likely either don't really care or you gave up at some point. The surest way to end up giving up on a challenge is to focus on how tough it is, rather than focusing on ways to meet the challenge. The bar is not impossibly high. Stop thinking that it is and stop worrying about gender wide crap and instead focus on developing a little charm and a bit of style. Maybe learn to dance or to play the piano.
I think it does. Although autism spectrum disorders (ASD) are under diagnosed in girls, I work in the field of developmental disabilities and men (boys) are still more prone to most conditions and syndromes that cause developmental challenges. Those challenges tap into abilities like sense of humor, story telling, poise, etc, that are bigger assets socially for men than they are for women. They're great traits for anyone to have, but men benefit more from those "social" skills. So as a group, men are more likely to have issues that especially limit their attractiveness.
If we're talking about groups though, a physically unattractive woman has less chance to compensate or enhance her attractiveness by being funny or a leader or an artist than a similarly physically unattractive man has. That doesn't help a man who struggles to say hello to a woman, but it does even things out some among groups of men and women.
So if you can't attract people with your looks or personality or talent, you're out of luck. You're going to be stuck in that desert. The thing is, you only need to be pretty good in one of those three categories or not be awful in any to have some luck dating. You may not be able to stand next to Channing Tatum or one of those Ryans (I'm so old I include O'neill) and have lots of woman approach you, but you'll have some options.
In most cases if you get to 46 and you haven't had any luck dating, you likely either don't really care or you gave up at some point. The surest way to end up giving up on a challenge is to focus on how tough it is, rather than focusing on ways to meet the challenge. The bar is not impossibly high. Stop thinking that it is and stop worrying about gender wide crap and instead focus on developing a little charm and a bit of style. Maybe learn to dance or to play the piano.
Being socially retarded or socially deficient or socially awkward, is worse for men than it is for women because guys have to be the initiators, I have felt that way for years now and I feel that anyone who disagrees with that is delusional
Being socially retarded or socially deficient or socially awkward, is worse for men than it is for women because guys have to be the initiators, I have felt that way for years now and I feel that anyone who disagrees with that is delusional
OK, last try. I agree. So dating is considerably more difficult for a fairly small subset of men than it is for most other men and for most women. There are small subsets of women who have unique challenges also, but I understand that you're focused on your situation. So....
My point still stands.
1. You want something
2. There are obstacle blocking you from getting what you want
3. You admit that your time and energy would be best spent working through or around those obstacles
4. Yet you choose to spend time and energy lamenting that not everyone faces those obstacles
5. In doing so you create an artificial but nearly insurmountable obstacle for yourself
6. That self created obstacle allows you to avoid the real effort of working through and around the genuine obstacles you face
Everything goes wrong at point #4. Nothing changes until you see the wisdom of point #3 and put your focus there.
I know a guy in his mid 40s, who's never had a relationship. He doesn't seem concerned about it though, and never mentions it as a problem.
Many years ago, a group of us went to a nightclub. This woman was dancing around him, and I said to him "You're in there!". But he didn't seem bothered about it at all! And I don't think he is gay either.
Maybe there are some people who are just not interested in relationships. It's a shame, because it's nice to at least have a bit of company as you get older.
OK, last try. I agree. So dating is considerably more difficult for a fairly small subset of men than it is for most other men and for most women. There are small subsets of women who have unique challenges also, but I understand that you're focused on your situation. So....
My point still stands.
1. You want something
2. There are obstacle blocking you from getting what you want
3. You admit that your time and energy would be best spent working through or around those obstacles
4. Yet you choose to spend time and energy lamenting that not everyone faces those obstacles
5. In doing so you create an artificial but nearly insurmountable obstacle for yourself
6. That self created obstacle allows you to avoid the real effort of working through and around the genuine obstacles you face
Everything goes wrong at point #4. Nothing changes until you see the wisdom of point #3 and put your focus there.
Just because you want something doesn't mean you will get it. There are plenty of instances in life where we don't get what we want no matter how hard we work for it. There are no guarantees in life when it comes to dating and relationships.
Being socially retarded or socially deficient or socially awkward, is worse for men than it is for women because guys have to be the initiators, I have felt that way for years now and I feel that anyone who disagrees with that is delusional
The reality is, they weren't successful for whatever reason.
It probably had something to do with the attitude they brought to the table. I'm not buying the victim, men are pigs, I'm better off alone mentality. I think it's just a coping mechanism to a perceived failure in their life.
I think with people like this, they bring it on themselves.
There are good men out there that will give you the coat off their back and freeze to keep you warm.
If some ladies want to check out of that fine, but it's entirely on them not the dreaded "Man" they've devised in their minds.
Let's face it, 46 years is an awful long time to go without a date. If it was a "successful date", that's another story. Something is very wrong if someone hasn't had at least one date by 46 years of age.
A relative of mine is an old maid. She lives with her older sister who is a divorced person. Both have sworn off men entirely. The divorced one has gained almost a hundred pounds and has been in and out of psych wards with severe depression ever since her divorce. The younger sister (age 46) has never had a date ever and has pretty much decided having a man in her life is not worth her time. She says that if nothing has happened yet, nothing will happen. She does not even talk socially to men.
I wonder how common this is. Women who have sworn off men and people over 45 who have never had a date with someone in a romantic way.
Do you know anyone like this?
After my former father-in-law died at age 60, my former mother-in-law, also 60, stayed single until her death in her 90s. She had a full life regardless and I kept in touch with and saw her fairly often despite her daughter's and my divorce almost 20 years earlier.
A woman I met at work ended up staying single for 18 after divorcing her former husband and decided she didn't need nor wanted anything to do with men. When she was 48 and I was 50 I disabused her of that notion and we've been married for the last 20 years.
My wife also grew to love my former mother-in-law and she loved her.
The vast majority of women can get sex on tap. They only need to walk into a bar, or make an OLD profile and they're well set. It's much harder for most men than it is for most women.
It doesn't mean it's always easier for women to get what they want though. They can find it as hard to get a meaningful relationship as some guys find it to get a date.
Because I just am that's all, some people are naturally just the way they are
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