Any geniuses out there who can not find a partner at their intellectual level? (problems, looking)

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by JeepGirl118

No can do. That path to my understanding was jilted a few posts ago. Result of a lesser IQ. She'll have to understand that.

Kind of funny that the "smart" person expects us non smart types to be the ones who understand You'd think the one with all the brains could figure out how to get along with people.

[piperspal]

geekduo, I hear what you are saying...& I think I grasp as much of it as I can within my realm of understanding. It is why I gave her my apology early on. What I do not get, and probably will never get, is why this doesn't swing both ways. If she or you had said to me that geniuses are actually developmentally challenged, (& right about now I'm hangin' that flag on a tall pole!), then I would grant her that consideration accordingly.

But instead, she explained the many facets of her life & emphasized often that she is lonely & that her feelings were being hurt by our responses. This says 2 things to me:

1) If she is capable of grasping the notion of her own hurt & emotions, then she should be capable of relating to us more empathetically. Instead it was presented as a one-sided view and IMO, a desire on her part to bypass even trying to find common ground with anyone in a lower IQ class.

2) If one's level of intelligence is so highly evolved in so many areas - whatever they may be; eg math, science, physics, finance, philosophy, typing 107 WPM, etc. - it stands to reason that one should have the brain function to communicate more effectively with lesser individuals. I don't buy the notion that she reads, writes, speaks & understands English - and writes poetry - yet lacks the social graces to communicate, or dare I say fall in love!, with the mainstream population.

I know a lot of people who suck at social niceties, and I know many more who excel at them. A high level of intelligence isn't a yay or nay to this, but if it were; with her brain power, social graces could be learned if the desire existed.

Respectfully - very respectfully - I am disagreeing with your argument. I wish her nothing but the best & hope her search is fruitful. I am also (really!) glad that at least you are in her corner as she is getting blasted by us. However, I issue no more apologies to her; she has completely brought this on herself.

I just do not believe your assertion that highly intelligent people often have social issues because of some glitch in their wiring. If they have social issues & lack social niceties, it's because they just don't want to be bothered to take the time & energy to acquire them. Period.

[DontH8Me]

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

Kind of funny that the "smart" person expects us non smart types to be the ones who understand You'd think the one with all the brains could figure out how to get along with people.

Intelligence does not = emotional maturity or the ability to relate to people. I do believe she mentioned that she has a weight problem, so I am guessing there might be some emotional "issues" that need help.

[Wisteria]

This is an interesting thread. She_Was_A_Phoenix is literate, however, whether she is a genius cannot be proven here. I found some of her posts interesting, though.

She_Was_A_Phoenix:
Just because I am a genius doesn't mean I am perfect or omniscient. I said genIUS not JesUS. Now, if I had said I was JESUS, it would make sense for you to be all like "OMG the Jesus made fun of someone, this is not perfect, everyone quit believing in the Jesus!"

Gifted people are more likely to reach higher levels of moral development, but not all of them do - and we certainly aren't Jesus. Some smart people are sociopaths. Some become saints. Some geniuses do make fun of people. It doesn't make them any less smart, though it is very rude.

As She_Was said, some geniuses are psychopaths. The "good" criminals are the "smartest" criminals. They are good at what they do because they can figure out the ins and outs of how to do it – usually without being caught. To say that a highly-intelligent, genius-IQ person is morally more developed, is not true. Morality does not equate intelligence.

She_Was_A_Phoenix:
Ah, sigh, I wish I had the luxury of ignoring IQ.

YOU ARE LUCKY TO NEVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE THE LONELINESS THAT I DO.

Imagine if everyone was so different from you that you feel lonely everywhere you go. Imagine if you could never find any men who really inspired your affection or your "interest" if you know what I mean.

I searched for an explanation and I found out that the reason I am having so many compatibility issues is because of my intelligence...

It sounds like using meta-cognition has led you to this conclusion. What intrigues me is your inability to find someone with whom to connect. There are plenty of genius-types out there; most hang out with each other. My guess is that the apparent neurosis is the impediment. And I'd guess you already knew that. Neuroses are not singular to genius; anyone can be neurotic. An obsession with finding compatibility without finding how to deal with one's own psychological weaknesses will not find a mate.

She_Was_A_Phoenix:
I wanted to see if I could figure out how to get along with people - AND be out of the closet about my intelligence. If they don't believe me, then it is the same as staying in the closet.

Believe me, I know quite a few technical geniuses, and gifted people. I even know one who has exactly the same IQ of 170 – and he is a male – a scientist. He didn't seem to have trouble finding a date after his divorce, although his refusal to deal with the issues that caused the divorce was a deterrent.

Most people I know who are highly intelligent are friends with others who are equally so, because it's just normal to gravitate to others of like-mind. Just because the bell curve shows the majority of people in an "average," doesn't mean that your friends would be average, so I'm surprised, and not convinced, that you claim to not be able to connect with someone. I'm wondering why you call yourself "She_WAS_A_Phoenix," suggesting that perhaps you have gone through a personal metamorphisis that may be contributing to your dilemma.

Although the claim of geniuses not being socially-astute may have some bearing on some smart people, there are plenty who know others like themselves, and, therefore, their (insular) world with each other becomes the norm, and they can easily be themselves because they are similar. Others, though, are highly-adaptive to social situations. Awkwardness in social situations is not peculiar to only high-IQ people; social phobias, and lack of how to successfully socialize are common to many people.

There are a lot of really smart people in many places. It just seems odd that you don't have at least a small circle of friends who are on par with you (or maybe you do, but you didn't mention that). I have a hunch this isn't a totally honest revelation of yourself. Most geniuses don't go around saying, "I'm a genius, and I find it hard to connect." There are plenty of exceptional people who know that they're exceptional, but they also find others similar to them. An IQ of 170 isn't a freak of nature – I've known enough people like that who can "fit in" "normally."

I'd say to ditch the meta-cognitive stuff, and just get out there. There are plenty of venues that attract smart – really smart – genius smart – people.

Being a public forum, you could just be a good writer, and that's it. I know people lie and mislead on here….so, I'd jump beyond the IQ argument, and start digging a bit deeper to see where the disconnect lies in connecting with others. I have a hunch it isn't the IQ part that is the problem.

Good luck in your endeavors.

[artsyguy]

It is gluttony plain and simple. Her behaviors make Jesus very sad.

http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n...D/Jesussad.jpg

Originally Posted by DontH8Me

Intelligence does not = emotional maturity or the ability to relate to people. I do believe she mentioned that she has a weight problem, so I am guessing there might be some emotional "issues" that need help.

[JonathanLB]

Originally Posted by geekduo

Ok, this is what you guys don't seem to get. People with an extremely high IQ tend to have social issues. They don't get how to communicate in quite the same way as everyone else. Think of an autistic savant type person. Granted, that is an extreme example, but it illustrates the mentality of the highly intelligent personality. I'm not quite a genius, but I have had those issues somewhat myself. When I am in a work mode I tend to be very brusque and abrupt, I forget things like social niceties. My husband is often described as being arrogant and unfeeling when he is simply talking how he feels comfortable. He uses big words and is very technical because that is how he thinks, not because he is trying to show off. That is just who he is and other people don't get that. I can see this is as being even more of an issue with someone with a higher genius IQ. So maybe instead of criticizing this person, you could try to see things from how they see it.

I think that's a good point. I called made fun of by some moron here for using the word "fungible" -- most people are complete tools, total idiots, and talking to them for anyone smart almost REQUIRES you to be even smarter so you can think of how stupid that person is and then talk down to them. Because apparently they'd prefer that to you using actual English words they might not know. When it comes down to it, it's not even worth worrying about what other people think of you because their judgments against superior minds are without merit anyway. It's like an average basketball player calling Kobe a hack. It can't be taken seriously.

[She_Was_A_Phoenix]

Originally Posted by geekduo

Ok, this is what you guys don't seem to get. People with an extremely high IQ tend to have social issues. They don't get how to communicate in quite the same way as everyone else. Think of an autistic savant type person.

Granted, that is an extreme example

Well, so am I. HAHAHAHAHA!

*Is touched and happy that someone is trying to translate for me*

Thank you, also, for not using the term "inept". I am not inept. I am just so extraordinarily different that I cannot use myself as a "model" from which to make guesses about and understand others.

Its like trying to guess at the motives of a cat or alien life form.

Originally Posted by geekduo

but it illustrates the mentality of the highly intelligent personality. I'm not quite a genius, but I have had those issues somewhat myself. When I am in a work mode I tend to be very brusque and abrupt, I forget things like social niceties. My husband is often described as being arrogant and unfeeling when he is simply talking how he feels comfortable. He uses big words and is very technical because that is how he thinks, not because he is trying to show off. That is just who he is and other people don't get that. I can see this is as being even more of an issue with someone with a higher genius IQ.

Yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

To most, I am "too much" for them. Too much of everything... I talk too fast, I use too many big words, I feel too strongly, my standards are too high, I pay too much attention to little details, I think too much, I care too much, I am too sensitive, I am too persistent, I have too much ability to mention any of it without getting burned at the stake. Too much of a million other things.

Originally Posted by geekduo

So maybe instead of criticizing this person, you could try to see things from how they see it.

Thank you!!!



Um... how can I explain how I see it though? I have tried. They aren't listening.

[mrstewart]

Not listening?? We have tried but we have reached the point of no return...no one cares anymore.

Perhaps this could be a business venture for you...you could start your own web forum for the upper echelon!

[geekduo]

Originally Posted by piperspal

geekduo, I hear what you are saying...& I think I grasp as much of it as I can within my realm of understanding. It is why I gave her my apology early on. What I do not get, and probably will never get, is why this doesn't swing both ways. If she or you had said to me that geniuses are actually developmentally challenged, (& right about now I'm hangin' that flag on a tall pole!), then I would grant her that consideration accordingly.

But instead, she explained the many facets of her life & emphasized often that she is lonely & that her feelings were being hurt by our responses. This says 2 things to me:

1) If she is capable of grasping the notion of her own hurt & emotions, then she should be capable of relating to us more empathetically. Instead it was presented as a one-sided view and IMO, a desire on her part to bypass even trying to find common ground with anyone in a lower IQ class.

2) If one's level of intelligence is so highly evolved in so many areas - whatever they may be; eg math, science, physics, finance, philosophy, typing 107 WPM, etc. - it stands to reason that one should have the brain function to communicate more effectively with lesser individuals. I don't buy the notion that she reads, writes, speaks & understands English - and writes poetry - yet lacks the social graces to communicate, or dare I say fall in love!, with the mainstream population.

I know a lot of people who suck at social niceties, and I know many more who excel at them. A high level of intelligence isn't a yay or nay to this, but if it were; with her brain power, social graces could be learned if the desire existed.

Respectfully - very respectfully - I am disagreeing with your argument. I wish her nothing but the best & hope her search is fruitful. I am also (really!) glad that at least you are in her corner as she is getting blasted by us. However, I issue no more apologies to her; she has completely brought this on herself.

I just do not believe your assertion that highly intelligent people often have social issues because of some glitch in their wiring. If they have social issues & lack social niceties, it's because they just don't want to be bothered to take the time & energy to acquire them. Period.

Think of it this way. I know some people who are quite brilliant in almost every area yet are poor at math. Some people are gifted artists yet do not understand science. Everybody has some things they are good at and others that they are not. Just because someone is intelligent does not change this. They still have areas where they excel and others where they basically suck. It is also entirely possible to communicate in writing quite well, but be awkward in person, I tend to be in that category, but I have been improving over the years.
Now, whether the OP's social issues are a true lack of ability or simply a lack of interest in developing such skills is unknown. That really cannot be known without personally meeting and getting to know a person.
I truly hope she is able to discover the source of her difficulties and overcome them. It sucks to be alone. I also know what it is like to have a hard time making friends, much less find someone you can share your life with.

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by DontH8Me

Intelligence does not = emotional maturity or the ability to relate to people. I do believe she mentioned that she has a weight problem, so I am guessing there might be some emotional "issues" that need help.

Which is it? Emotional issues creating the problem or intelligence? Or is it emotional issue hiding behind intelligence?

Regardless, the so called genius ought to be able to figure out how to deal with their own problems instead of telling everyone else they need to understand them. I don't need to understand any genius out there. In fact, I don't have to have anything to do with them. If they have emotional problems that lead to them not being able to get along with people, that's their problem to solve not mine to understand and tolerate.

I don't need stuck up people who don't play well with others in my life so I have no reason to want to understand and tolerate them. They appear to be the lonely ones and if they don't want to fix what's wrong with them, that's their choice. You can make a conscious effort to be nice, to consider others, etc, etc, etc...or you can choose not to and whine because you can't get a date.