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That is the point of having a discussion. A conversation is a two way street not one sided. A discussion is to talk about differences and resolve differences. Let's be mature adults now. Ok.
Some conversations aren't to resolve differences. Sometimes, calls are made to job candidates to tell them they GOT or DIDN'T GET the job. (I think the latter technique is vulgar and should be handled via a letter).
In this case, the nature of the conversation would be to say, "hey, over this short dating period, I've decided that there is a 'style/approach to life' you have that I can't work with and won't be investing in a long-term relationship." That's a real nice (I'm being facetious) thing to tell someone, right? And it isn't an easy thing to do. This kind of thing isn't negotiable.
It's pretty ugly to just cut someone off if they haven't done anything wrong...if you're just not interested, tell him you're not feeling romantic chemistry, and you're sorry but you don't want to lead him on. I have said this to men in the past, and some of them actually thanked me for my honesty...maybe he'll be disappointed or maybe he'll be relieved...but be an adult and deal with it, don't just leave the dude hanging!!!
no there is no abuse in this situation whatsoever, it is 2 dates that have gone extremely well with both parties assuming things are going well and they want to see each other again. Given this context I am wondering if it is common protocol to just start ignoring someone if you've found someone better or whatever the reason, is explaining that you don't want to continue even applicable for dating or is it just for relationships?
Who cares about "common protocol"?! There are no rules about how to conduct yourself except the ones you put on yourself. If you want to be the kind of person who ignores someone after having 2 dates that went "extremely well", then don't be surprised when it happens to you the next time you're hopeful about someone new. What goes around comes around, and we tend to attract the same energy we resonate with ourselves.
Some conversations aren't to resolve differences. Sometimes, calls are made to job candidates to tell them they GOT or DIDN'T GET the job. (I think the latter technique is vulgar and should be handled via a letter).
In this case, the nature of the conversation would be to say, "hey, over this short dating period, I've decided that there is a 'style/approach to life' you have that I can't work with and won't be investing in a long-term relationship." That's a real nice (I'm being facetious) thing to tell someone, right? And it isn't an easy thing to do. This kind of thing isn't negotiable.
Who cares about "common protocol"?! There are no rules about how to conduct yourself except the ones you put on yourself. If you want to be the kind of person who ignores someone after having 2 dates that went "extremely well", then don't be surprised when it happens to you the next time you're hopeful about someone new. What goes around comes around, and we tend to attract the same energy we resonate with ourselves.
Another excellent post. I agree and want to add if you do not feel "romantic chemistry" then offer friendship....that is what I do. I mean that honestly too, I don't say "let's be friends" and then never return calls or emails or refuse to hang out. I really mean it, let's be friends, when do you want to chill or go party?
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmycat
It's pretty ugly to just cut someone off if they haven't done anything wrong...if you're just not interested, tell him you're not feeling romantic chemistry, and you're sorry but you don't want to lead him on. I have said this to men in the past, and some of them actually thanked me for my honesty...maybe he'll be disappointed or maybe he'll be relieved...but be an adult and deal with it, don't just leave the dude hanging!!!
While it would be nice for someone I'm dating to tell me that they're leaving before they exit my life, it's not essential. Anyone with an ounce of self-esteem would shrug and figure that it's best that this happened now and not in six months when there's more of an emotional investment. However, that person had better not call me in a year to say, "How's it going?"
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