"disappearing" on someone (female, feelings, interested, personal)
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Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
4,084 posts, read 12,683,905 times
Reputation: 1974
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot
Ok, help me out, since this thread is very timely for me.
Three dates over 1 and 1/2 months, preceded by 1 month of phone calls, distance factor was almost 2 hours by car, and I basically reconsidered since I could see we were both "set in our ways" (her more than me, in my observations, as she has never moved out of a very small area and evidently never will).
Nice person but it wouldn't work long-term. Should I explain or is drifting apart ok?
Drifting apart is fine because it suggests mutual disinterest, but if she calls it'd be the nice, adult thing to do to explain you just don't think it's a good match. Don't avoid her or the situation by not picking up the phone when she calls or not texting or emailing. That's when it's disappearing in a cowardly fashion.
Drifting apart is fine because it suggests mutual disinterest, but if she calls it'd be the nice, adult thing to do to explain you just don't think it's a good match. Don't avoid her or the situation by not picking up the phone when she calls or not texting or emailing. That's when it's disappearing in a cowardly fashion.
She has called once. I am weighing all of the advice given above. Even my friends are 50:50 split on this. Things are never clear cut, are they?
^ Why are you talking to your friends about this. They don't have any objective evidence. Be a man and choose on your own.
These are friends I've known for 20 or so years. I talk to them a lot. They ask for my advice with their stuff. That's what friends are for. It's cool.
Ok, help me out, since this thread is very timely for me.
Three dates over 1 and 1/2 months, preceded by 1 month of phone calls, distance factor was almost 2 hours by car, and I basically reconsidered since I could see we were both "set in our ways" (her more than me, in my observations, as she has never moved out of a very small area and evidently never will).
Nice person but it wouldn't work long-term. Should I explain or is drifting apart ok?
What's wrong with simply telling her what you've said here?
What's wrong with simply telling her what you've said here?
You're right. However, there are TWO reactions I detest, having seen it a couple of times before: (1) their arguing about it and trying to point out how it CAN work, and (2) their crying.
Robert, I'd call her and give her a quick rundown. No need to leave her hanging. If she cries or tries to argue after your explanation, just keep repeating, "This isn't working for me, sorry" until she eventually gets the message. You didn't date her very long, but the month of phone calls before that says that there was some kind of meaningful connection, and in that case, it's rude to leave her hanging.
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