LISTEN UP - all you folks who don't understand why you don't have a successful love life... (dating, marriage)
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Lately there seem to have been several threads or comments from people bemoaning their lack of a successful relationship. The all want to know, where are the "good guys", where are the "nice women"? Believe me, they ARE out there. Many of you ARE the good guys and nice women. But you sell yourselves short and rush into things so quickly when you click with someone that you crash and burn more times than not.
I like what the author John Gray has to say about this...maybe it will help some of you:
There are 5 stages a couple should move through in order to have a successful relationship:
Stage One (attraction),
Stage Two (uncertainty),
Stage Three (exclusivity),
Stage Four (intimacy)
Stage Five (commitment)
But here is the secret...
Do not jump into Stage Four -- intimacy -- before both you and your partner have first moved through all the other stages OVER TIME or you'll never get to Stage Five (commitment).
Do not jump into Stage Four -- intimacy -- before both you and your partner have first moved through all the other stages OVER TIME or you'll never get to Stage Five (commitment).
LOL, depends on your definition of "commitment," I guess.
There are 5 stages a couple should move through in order to have a successful relationship:
Stage One (attraction),
Stage Two (uncertainty),
Stage Three (exclusivity),
Stage Four (intimacy)
Stage Five (commitment)
I assume in that order. Well, I call crap. Did this, stage six, 10 years of a bad marriage= divorce.
This is the order of my new relationship:
Stage Two (uncertainty),
Stage Four (intimacy)
Stage One (attraction),
Stage Three (exclusivity),
Stage Five (commitment)
Well, I would add one thing to this thread: Common sense.
I mean, if you start dating a person who has no friends, can't hold down a job, can't make decent headway in life, still lives with his parents, etc. etc. etc., those are pretty good clues that you've got a person who is not a grown up. And if he or she can't commit to holding down a job, how are they going to commit to holding down a relationship?
I think those are good points but I also think that people nowadays just don't take marriage seriously or relationships for that matter. I think people tend to take a very immature stance and decide that instead of spending time communicating and working through problems, they just want the easy out.
People get married way too young these days, they don't know the person they are marrying, five years down the road and two kids later they find out that they don't like that person at all and then they end the relationship and guess who witnesses the whole thing first hand? The kids which then starts a brand new cycle of "hey, lets get married, have kids, get divorced and be jerks" and the kids grow up thinking that this is how life can be and should be.
And we wonder why we have a society like this? LOL
I think those are good points but I also think that people nowadays just don't take marriage seriously or relationships for that matter. I think people tend to take a very immature stance and decide that instead of spending time communicating and working through problems, they just want the easy out.
People get married way too young these days, they don't know the person they are marrying, five years down the road and two kids later they find out that they don't like that person at all and then they end the relationship and guess who witnesses the whole thing first hand? The kids which then starts a brand new cycle of "hey, lets get married, have kids, get divorced and be jerks" and the kids grow up thinking that this is how life can be and should be.
And we wonder why we have a society like this? LOL
EXACTLY. People need to spend time getting to know who they are before they become part of a couple, AND ESPECIALLY before they become parents.
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free AND there are more cows offering the milk for free?
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