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That's the semantics I jokingly implied above... Many of us have ended up with marriages that were results of following these directions somewhat out of order. We ended up with marriages, but not commitments per se.
Thanks loves mountains I needed that advice over a year ago.
Also by intimacy do you mean (physical and emotional?)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Lately there seem to have been several threads or comments from people bemoaning their lack of a successful relationship. The all want to know, where are the "good guys", where are the "nice women"? Believe me, they ARE out there. Many of you ARE the good guys and nice women. But you sell yourselves short and rush into things so quickly when you click with someone that you crash and burn more times than not.
I like what the author John Gray has to say about this...maybe it will help some of you:
There are 5 stages a couple should move through in order to have a successful relationship:
Stage One (attraction),
Stage Two (uncertainty),
Stage Three (exclusivity),
Stage Four (intimacy)
Stage Five (commitment)
But here is the secret...
Do not jump into Stage Four -- intimacy -- before both you and your partner have first moved through all the other stages OVER TIME or you'll never get to Stage Five (commitment).
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free AND there are more cows offering the milk for free?
Because while the brand of milk he was selling was extra good, I also liked other things about him. If I guy wanted to wait until marriage to have sex I would be wondering what he had to hide.
I enjoyed sampling the milk of other cows, but this particular cow had milk that I wanted to keep sampling for the rest of my life.
Well, I would add one thing to this thread: Common sense.
I mean, if you start dating a person who has no friends, can't hold down a job, can't make decent headway in life, still lives with his parents, etc. etc. etc., those are pretty good clues that you've got a person who is not a grown up. And if he or she can't commit to holding down a job, how are they going to commit to holding down a relationship?
Easy....YOU! You're that stupid! You're probably a care giver and just wanted a patient around 24/7
Easy....YOU! You're that stupid! You're probably a care giver and just wanted a patient around 24/7
Hahahaha.
I really think the biggest mistake people make is not realizing that a relationship is as much a partnership between two people as it is mutual lust. I mean, you have to be major-league attracted to get married. But, at the same time, trust and confidence have to exist at the same time.
So what happens? People fall in love with somebody and get married, never realizing that saying "I do" isn't the finish line, but just the beginning of a long, long time together.
Thanks loves mountains I needed that advice over a year ago.
Also by intimacy do you mean (physical and emotional?)
Sorry to be too late to help you artsy
I believe John Gray is referring to physical intimacy - too many people jump right into sex without taking time to go thru the other stages. Relationships need a solid foundation of trust to grow - and you can't trust someone with your whole life within 5 minutes of meeting each other, so sleeping with them too soon sometimes dooms the relationship before it ever takes off.
I think the 'bad luck' people have is more due to attraction based on the wrong characteristics and lack of the art of compromise.
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