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Lately there seem to have been several threads or comments from people bemoaning their lack of a successful relationship. The all want to know, where are the "good guys", where are the "nice women"? Believe me, they ARE out there. Many of you ARE the good guys and nice women. But you sell yourselves short and rush into things so quickly when you click with someone that you crash and burn more times than not.
I like what the author John Gray has to say about this...maybe it will help some of you:
There are 5 stages a couple should move through in order to have a successful relationship:
Stage One (attraction),
Stage Two (uncertainty),
Stage Three (exclusivity),
Stage Four (intimacy)
Stage Five (commitment)
But here is the secret...
Do not jump into Stage Four -- intimacy -- before both you and your partner have first moved through all the other stages OVER TIME or you'll never get to Stage Five (commitment).
Without knowing the particulars of a relationship it really is impossible to give people advice how to run their lives and relationships. Personally, my husband of eight years and I jumped right smack into intimacy before we even got past stage one, and it has worked out fine for us. Not everyone believes that sex is the holy grail of a relationship and that there is anything wrong with enjoying intimacy with someone on a "no strings attached" basis.
Lately there has been a lot of pressure from religious factions that a persons sexuality is somehow sacred and should be shared only with "the one" instead of enjoyed for what it is - an adult recreational activity. I realize that the AIDS situation did cause a lot of people to rethink their promiscuity but as statistics will bear out, people (especially young people) enjoy sex and you aren't going to stop them from doing it. You are only going to make them feel guilty and BAD ABOUT THEMSELVES if you keep preaching to them about how they shouldn't follow their natural, healthy instincts.
If two adults want to enjoy each other sexually, so what? It does not mean that they will not have the potential for a long term relationship, even marriage. At least this has been my personal observation. YMMV
Without knowing the particulars of a relationship it really is impossible to give people advice how to run their lives and relationships. Personally, my husband of eight years and I jumped right smack into intimacy before we even got past stage one, and it has worked out fine for us. Not everyone believes that sex is the holy grail of a relationship and that there is anything wrong with enjoying intimacy with someone on a "no strings attached" basis.
Lately there has been a lot of pressure from religious factions that a persons sexuality is somehow sacred and should be shared only with "the one" instead of enjoyed for what it is - an adult recreational activity. I realize that the AIDS situation did cause a lot of people to rethink their promiscuity but as statistics will bear out, people (especially young people) enjoy sex and you aren't going to stop them from doing it. You are only going to make them feel guilty and BAD ABOUT THEMSELVES if you keep preaching to them about how they shouldn't follow their natural, healthy instincts.
If two adults want to enjoy each other sexually, so what? It does not mean that they will not have the potential for a long term relationship, even marriage. At least this has been my personal observation. YMMV
20yrsinBranson
Yeah, what she said.
With my ex, I followed more along the lines of the 'formula' and it was disastrous.
With my current partner of almost six years now, I didn't follow anything, aside from my heart, which included jumping right into physical intimacy right away.
I think some failures are more about compatibility, and seeing the person as you want to see them (vs. how they really are)....
I don't think it necessarily always takes forever to discover a person's true character and values and goals, so I don't always agree with the delaying intimacy thing.
On the flip side some people are very good at hiding their true nature and playing along to be whatever it is they think YOU want them to be...and waiting to be intimate doesn't really help the eventual train wreck that will happen when they can no longer pretend.
Without knowing the particulars of a relationship it really is impossible to give people advice how to run their lives and relationships. Personally, my husband of eight years and I jumped right smack into intimacy before we even got past stage one, and it has worked out fine for us. Not everyone believes that sex is the holy grail of a relationship and that there is anything wrong with enjoying intimacy with someone on a "no strings attached" basis.
Lately there has been a lot of pressure from religious factions that a persons sexuality is somehow sacred and should be shared only with "the one" instead of enjoyed for what it is - an adult recreational activity. I realize that the AIDS situation did cause a lot of people to rethink their promiscuity but as statistics will bear out, people (especially young people) enjoy sex and you aren't going to stop them from doing it. You are only going to make them feel guilty and BAD ABOUT THEMSELVES if you keep preaching to them about how they shouldn't follow their natural, healthy instincts.
If two adults want to enjoy each other sexually, so what? It does not mean that they will not have the potential for a long term relationship, even marriage. At least this has been my personal observation. YMMV
20yrsinBranson
Well, that's one way to look at it
Like I said, these are only GUIDELINES offered up to those folks who can't seem to get the kind of relationship they want. If something else worked for you, more power to you. But sex first can sometimes cause the potential relationship to crash and burn before it gets off the ground - I've seen it happen time and time again.
I don't personally believe in sex for recreation outside of committed relationships - it becomes a shallow, hollow momentary thrill that can leave you empty and not feeling very fulfilled afterwards.
I am not saying my opinion is the be all and end all of the conversation however. I am just saying for those who have done it "your" way and haven't had the luck you've had in not derailing the relationship, this is another way to try to find what you are looking for. It has worked for so many couples I know.
I'll cite my research when I'm not feeling too lazy to bother finding it. What you don't know doesn't affect me, and I have no particular reason to enlighten you. You can do your own research and figure it out yourself, suffice to say developing countries have higher birth rates than industrialized nations, and our educations systems are a lot better. That may not satisfy you but it's true.
An isolated example proves what? Individuals aren't subject to stereotypes. More black people are in jail percentage-wise than white people. That's a fact. But that doesn't mean black people can't be brilliant doctors, lawyers, politicians (PRESIDENTIAL nominees), etc. Generalizations don't fit all cases by any means. While there are some incredibly smart people who have 8 kids, there are also some incredibly stupid people who have no kids. The research only looks at averages, it isn't concerned with individual cases.
And for the record, your life choices are your own. If you can afford to have X number of kids, as far as I care you should be able to have as many kids as you can support. If you can support 8 kids, and you want 8 kids, go ahead and have them. I may philosophically disagree with your decision to have 8 kids in an already overpopulated world, but my philosophical belief that people should be able to make their own choices as long as those choices don't (too) negatively effect the lives of other people overrules that opinion. Your choices are your own. I'm sorry if you got the wrong opinion. I may provide reasons for you why I think it's irresponsible in an overpopulated world to have 8 kids, but ultimately I don't feel it's my right to force you, even if I did have the power, not to have 8 kids. And you don't sound like the kind of person who wants 8 kids anyway, so the point is moot. I think you misunderstood my original post and are taking what I said personally, when that was not my intent. If you have a few kids and that makes you happy and you can give them a good life and support them, that's your right.
lol why am I not surprised? Look, the point of my argument is.....don't insinuate that people who have kids are stupid or selfish, as you did in your first post......otherwise, I really couldn't care less what you do.....just who you publicly denounce.....especially when you have no grounds. Nothin' but luv for ya here Jon
Because I'm secretly working for Al-Qaeda and with all of the restrictions on air travel now days, I can't even get into a decent pilot training program let alone board an American airliner, so I'm stuck with hijacking threads on the Internet. And you all blame George W. for being such a bad president, look I wouldn't even pay $50 per month to your American infidels if it weren't for the fact this is the only thing left to hijack
Ohhhhh ok.....this sooooo explains everything lol......I can't belive I wasted key strokes on arguing with you.
Lately there seem to have been several threads or comments from people bemoaning their lack of a successful relationship. The all want to know, where are the "good guys", where are the "nice women"? Believe me, they ARE out there. Many of you ARE the good guys and nice women. But you sell yourselves short and rush into things so quickly when you click with someone that you crash and burn more times than not.
I like what the author John Gray has to say about this...maybe it will help some of you:
There are 5 stages a couple should move through in order to have a successful relationship:
Stage One (attraction),
Stage Two (uncertainty),
Stage Three (exclusivity),
Stage Four (intimacy)
Stage Five (commitment)
But here is the secret...
Do not jump into Stage Four -- intimacy -- before both you and your partner have first moved through all the other stages OVER TIME or you'll never get to Stage Five (commitment).
people need help.....they need good learnin' that takes a good teacher and conversation. Two way learninng and open communcication .....if it is one way you are not getting it all...........you are stressed by one way relationships.....find a smart friend to talk to.
Well, I would add one thing to this thread: Common sense.
I mean, if you start dating a person who has no friends, can't hold down a job, can't make decent headway in life, still lives with his parents, etc. etc. etc., those are pretty good clues that you've got a person who is not a grown up. And if he or she can't commit to holding down a job, how are they going to commit to holding down a relationship?
It's easier to say, "I'm sick of this job." than it is for me to say, "I'm sick of this person." Meeting another person that will tolerate and understand me is a lot harder than picking up another job. I'm amazed that I've been with my current employer for so long. Usually I've taken all I can after about a year.
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why am I not surprised? Look, the point of my argument is.....don't insinuate that people who have kids are stupid or selfish, as you did in your first post......otherwise, I really couldn't care less what you do.....just who you publicly denounce.....especially when you have no grounds.
Nothin' but luv for ya here Jon 
Why is that?
