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Thats a fine how do you do.
Since he was so blunt to tell you about your weight, maybe you could be blunt with him in return, and tell him that you need his help to lose the weight. The two of you could watch your diet, and exercise together!
If he doesn`t want to participate in this, then set your goal, and do it yourself, or maybe with a GF.
Personally, I would be very hurt, (let alone highly upset) if my husband stopped having sex with me because of my weight. I would lose the weight for that purpose, and then when I hit my goal, he still would not be having sex! That would teach `em!
Good Luck!
Yankeee, arn't you being just a wee bit vindictive? In your eyes the husband has to go on a diet & exercise because his wife gained weight? Sorry, I don't agree.
Funny, that's exactly what I told him (I wouldn't have sex with him after losing weight) and he said I was mean-spirited. Losing 50 lbs takes like six months and it just seeet pi$$ed off enough to leavems like a sentence to me that I don't deserve. For God's sakes, I gained the weight having his children after all. How can he claim he loves me so much if he won't show me any affection? I know guys separate love and sex, but I just don't see how a husband who claims to love his wife so much wouldn't want to be intimate with her.
Thanks for the replies.
Ya know, I hate being put in the position of being the bad boy, but enough is enough. You say you don't deserve a 6 months sentence to lose weight, who does deserve the sentence? Who gained the weight? Now the kids you had are his kids, but as soon as you get pi$$ed off enough to leave, they will be your kids. I'm glad not all women think like you do. I know, women gain weight when they are pregnant, most all women do. Many of those women also find a way to lose back down to close to the weight they were before the pregnancy. Some men just don't want an over weight women in their life, and some men don't care one way or the other, I'm not saying that is right or wrong, just a fact. Most men are stimulated by the sight of a woman's body, and I suspect that stimulation could be negative or positive. I think you both need to sit down and have a good conversation about your feelings for one another. Being mad at each other isn't the answer, and won't help.
He was a porn addict and had an online affair. Sounds like he has major problems with physical intimacy!
Not to mention you didn't leave during that time frame and I sure wouldn't want to lay next to a man that was surfing porn and getting it off with someone one line - but you stuck. (Are you actually physically attracted to him?)
I suspect that physical intimacy problems will not be resolved when you lose the weight because your weight is just a big relief/excuse for him to hide behind. I also agree with one of the earlier posters that he has just gotten better at hiding things from you.
Because you enjoy each others company and have kids you might either come to some sort of agreement about your physical relationship (you can go outside the relationship, he can type with hand) or seek counseling.
You have good personal health reasons to lose the weight so no reason not to wait and see what happens, especially if you can get him into counseling meanwhile.
But be prepared, if you don't get counseling, if it doesn't work, or you don't just accept things and agree to stay together for companionship/kids but go elsewhere for other needs - you'll probably end up leaving. Have a plan.
We've been married for several years, have two small kids (I just had a baby last year.) We've never really had much of a sex life due to a past porn addiction of his and an online affair, but those things have been over for a long time, and it's still non-existent. He says it's because I've gained weight and he's no longer attracted to me, but he loves me. How is that love? I read somewhere this could be emotional abuse. I'm losing weight, but am not sure that will change anything. In the meantime, I resent him and don't even want to be around him. I asked him what kind of sexual outlet he has and he said he just suffers. I'm overweight, but you would think I was an elephant the way he acts. I'm 5'5'' and 199. I plan to lose 50 lbs, but Lord knows if that will even be good enough for him... I should also mention that we are like roommates-- there's really no affection at all except for a pop kiss every now and then or a hug. Thanks for reading.
Oh, that's nice. You give birth to HIS kids and he thinks you're unattractive because of the baby weight. He should worship the ground you walk on you are the mother of HIS kids. What a jerk!!!! He is basically saying you're not good enough for him and even if you lose the weight he'll find another excuse.
I'm drawn to the 'picking on the fat lady' threads....but the OP hasn't been back since she posed that in January of 2009. She posted for 1 day on City Data...I'm curious to see what has happened a year and a half later, but we'll never know.
There would be snow balls in hell before I'd ever have sex after loosing weight with a man who didn't want to have sex with me before... I'd all of a sudden come up with a massive desire for a bigger penis. sorry honey...yours is just not big enough. Yeah...take that.
Noted you said you didn't have sex much before (you gained the weight) because he had a porn additction - hmmm - not much sex when you were not overweight, now no sex when you are overweight - - your weight has nothing to do with it - your husband has problems and needs to seek counseling . - as other's have said, lose weight for you, but don't expect sex unless he gets his problems worked out.
At 5'5" 190 you have to admit that is big. I'm 5'7" and wiegh 160 and I'm freaking out. Of course you have the legitimate excuse of just having had a child.
Here is a fact: men don't like change, especially in women. If you were a big woman when he married you, there wouldn't be a problem but I suspect you were much smaller when he met and married you. That's thw woman he was attracted to.
I don't know why women think that having kids means you get to blow up, never lose the baby weight, and still have a man attracted to you? What's wrong with going back to your pre-baby wieght? Outside of the fact that it's healthier for you, it's healthier for your marriage.
Most women know by the time they decide to marry a man exactly why he is with her. He didn't become insensitive overnight. Either lose the weight or be prepared to lose him.
Nice way to make her feel better. Have you had any children because if not you really don't understand that its not so simple to lose the baby weight. Alot of times people ae also on medications that make you gain weight.
Yankeee, arn't you being just a wee bit vindictive? In your eyes the husband has to go on a diet & exercise because his wife gained weight? Sorry, I don't agree.
Meh, I think you over looked my point Nite Ryder. I didn`t say that I thought he should have to go on a diet, because she gained weight, I thought it would be something that they could do "together, as a couple" kind of thing. I would call it encouragement from the SO. Its alot more fun to exercise, and eat right together. At least it is for me and my husband.
My wife has gained over 80lbs since we married and you know what. I love her more today than when we married. Sure I wish she would lose weight, more healthier that way, but I would never deny her sex or love because of her weight, nor would I ever consider cheating because of her weight. I love her plain and simple.
To the OP, your hubby is an ass, plain and simple. I would also bet that he is getting it on the side and is hiding it from you real good which is why he states he doesn't need it. Tell him that either he changes the way he is, wether you lose the weight or not, or you will find someone who will love you for you. ie divorce.
/me once again is grateful that her man isn't a superficial idiot.
Honestly. I had two rounds of life-altering surgery, and it resulted in 20 new pounds I'm having a tough time getting off. (And a big ol' scar like I've been filleted, to boot.) Granted, I'm not obese by a long shot. But still, I'm freaked out by it. Him? He's still the same randy man I met several years ago. Likewise, when he was injured and couldn't work out for a year, he put on some weight. Same deal: Not obese, but 20 pounds is 20 pounds. Made no difference to me.
Also, Yankee has the right idea. My man and I have both started working out again, and although we don't literally do it together, it's easier because we have the same goals and understand when the other says, "Oofta, that's enough on the plate." Of course, he's dropped 10 and I've dropped 3 (although I seem to be redistributing--go by the fit of your clothes, I always say). That's the difference testosterone and ten years make for ya.
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if my husband stopped having sex with me because of my weight. I would lose the weight for that purpose, and then when I hit my goal, he still would not be having sex! 
That would teach `em! 
My husband won't have sex with me...
