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She didnt tell you beforehand that she had two kids? How old are the kids? Are the kids' father(s) in the picture? Does she have custody of them 24/7 or does she share custody with the father(s)? My advice to you is to end things. Yeah, the sex is probably fun right now, but in the long run, single moms are a nightmare to deal with. End it. End it. End it.
Also, you'll get a lot of females her who may advise you to do otherwise, but remember, they more than likely are looking at it from the viewpoint of "oh the poor mother" instead of what is good for YOU who posted this thread asking advice for whats best for YOU. End it and find another girl without the baggage.
Why is it best for him to give up a potential wonderful relationship? BECAUSE SHE HAS CHILDREN? Thank God my Daddy ( who is my Step Dad) didnt think that way! He married my Mother knowing she had 2 daughters who didn't at that time speak a word of english ( we lived in Europe) He has not once ever, ever regretted his decision I have absolutely no doubt!
But then again , they do not make men like my Dad anymore which is so unfortunate... It takes a man of character, loyalty, foresight and a loving embrassing spirit to take on a family ( single Mothers are a package deal). Thank God I have never met anyone who met me and said no thank you, you have a child!! You could be missing out on a wonderful opportunity by thinking in such shallow ways as the above poster!!
just my 2 cents..
Peace out, Karma
Denny Crane, I didn't mean for you to think that I was lumping you into that bandwagon because you do not come across that way to me. It was simply an observation of what has happened on this thread - no offense to you intended at all.
Denny, you just pointed out that the OP and the woman have been friends before the hook ups, which leads me to question:
How on Earth did the OP NOT know that a friend of his has kids or not?
I, for one, at least know how many kids each of my friends have. Are we sure that the OP really IS friends with the woman?
If you look at the original post, you'll see that this was a girl the OP was friends with back in high school. They lost touch and then reconnected. He may think they're friends, but she's obviously a pretty lousy one if, after 4 years of not seeing him, she never bothers to mention that she has kids. If I meet a friend after a long period, I'd want to catch up on everything that's happened to them (marriage, kids, etc.).
Quote:
Originally Posted by CountryLuvinWoman1
Denny you are spending way more time telling us we are offtopic than you are giving the OP advice..so I feel you are as guilty as the rest of us.
I've only pointed out once that you were offtopic and I've already given my advice to the OP. Please scroll to the earlier pages. My advice is the same as everyone else's here. This girl, whatever her intentions are, is a lousy friend and for that reason alone, the OP should have nothing to do with her.
OK I am in a pickel, as some may say. I need some relationship advice on weather or not to pursue a relationship with a single mother. Basically, I've known this girl for a very long time now. We originally started out as friends back in high school. After high school we lost contact for about 4 years. Anyways, after we re-established contact, we started hanging out, going out to bars, movies and out to lunch. During this time I was starting to really like her more than just a friend. Needless to say, we ended up sleeping together. It wasn't till after, I found out that she was the mother of two boys. Then she said that she wants a relationship. Honestly, I really don't know what to think? I simply told her that I needed some time to think about this. So I have, and I just don't know what to do, I mean she's attractive, I get along with her so well and I absolutely love her personality, but I'm just very confused because I've never dated anyone with kids and I've heard so much conflicting advice regarding this. I feel torn and very inexperienced in this department. I've been hurt many times before and I just don't want to get hurt again, nor do I want to hurt her. I just don't know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
I noticed you didn't mention any feelings toward the boys whatsoever. Have you met them?
Why is it best for him to give up a potential wonderful relationship? Because she neglected to inform him that she has two kids. This is in fact a lie. She conveniently remembered to tell him after they had sex.
BECAUSE SHE HAS CHILDREN? Thats part of the reason.
Funny how all the single moms come out of the woodwork on "should I date a single mom" threads. Go back and re-read the OPs original post then, by using your intellect instead of your "personal, I know how it is to be a single mom" type emotional feelings, then decide on what is best for the OP. Remember, he looks like he's not even 21 years old yet.
Just because she wants a relationship doesnt mean she wants you to take care of her kids and be their new daddy.. How do you guys know if the father is still around and helping her out with child support? For all we know she could be making more money then him and financially stable.. That whole milking the cow thing is so lame and cruel..
I would think a woman who has kids and wants a relationship shouldn't neglect to tell the other person about those kids and before the night of passion.
It's not that she's a divorcee with kids, it's that she appears to be trying to snare a guy who she likely senses isn't that into becoming a step father and so making sure it's one of the last things she reveals about herself to him.
Not all men are eager to get into relationships with mothers of young kids, and certainly she must realize that. A woman with young kids certainly will be limited in how much time they have for dating, certainly the needs of young children will come first. There is no good reason for "failing to mention" she has young children.
I call total, self-serving baloney on that one. Sorry.
Do you really mean to tell me that if you met a guy, dated for several weeks, exchanged confidences, talked about your lives, and finally consummated matters--then only to have him reveal in the post-coital glow that he has two kids living at home--you wouldn't be really wondering what else he was hiding from you? Tell me another one.
Again, it's not the fact that she has two kids. It's when she elected to tell him. As with everything else in life, timing is absolutely everything.
Post-coital glow... In fact I think that's likely what the woman had in mind. That if she can prove to him first that the sex is quite great, the kids won't matter. That looks like a very manipulative type.
I would like to thank each and every one of you on here that have shared their advice and or knowledge/experience. After munch thought and loosing a few nights of sleep, I was finally able to make up my mind in order to deal with this situation. Even though I am rather upset that she had never mentioned her kids once during the whole time we knew each other, I'm sure that she had her reasons, so I can't be too mad.
I decided to invite her out for some coffee, so that I could talk to her face to face. I mainly expressed my feelings on the whole situation about her not telling me about her kids to begin with and it may be considered rather manipulative. I also told her how much she meant to me and no matter what if she ever needs any thing I will always be there for her but, only as her friend. Mainly because I just don't feel ready what so ever for that kind of responsibility. To my surprise she took it very well and apologized for not telling me earlier about her kids, so we decided to remain friends.
Now, I know that some of you may not like this decision I took. I weighed my pros and cons many times, did the math for the finances based on my career and yes I could afford it with my salary but, among other things I thought to my self, "Am I ready for this kind of commitment" and the answer is....... No, I am not at least not yet. After all, I am only 24.
Last edited by zero86; 02-04-2009 at 03:11 AM..
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