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I think what CaydenJ said is correct. It does sound like displacement. Your either the convenient target for her frustrations or she really is unhappy with you, but for reasons other than what she says. I've learned that you can't convince these people that they're the problem. They'll only get angry at you for thinking such a thing. What you need to do, and this may be hard, is be less supportive. I know it's expected that a person be there for their spouse, but if that abuses that privilege, then you need to walk away. I have a friend who complains a lot about her life. At first, I would offer to listen even though I knew I couldn't help. But after a while, it just wore me out. I agree with the others. Your wife sounds incredibly spoiled and being there to listen to her complain is only making things worse. If someone acts like a child, treat them like one.
Encourage her to go on a mission trip or humanitarian relief project of some sort and see how bad many, many people reallly have it. Trust me on this, I taken trips all over the world like this, including third world countries, and people com back here changed when they see how bad it can be in other places. Makes you appreciate what you have here.
Hahaha... we actually do humanitarian stuff and she is incredibly compassionate to other people who are suffering. The thing is, although she likes to help and take care of other people and treats them at the same level she expects to be treated, she has this idea that certain people are "beneath" her... weird isn't it? To be so compassionate and loving and yet think, that maids and other people in the service industry are "beneath" you... We have done quite a bit of humanitarian missions and she still is the same person she has always been...
Well she has the potential to make a lot more money than me and given her hunger for it... I don't doubt she will be raking in money like crazy... she is intelligent, caring, and very pretty... and has the potential to make seven figures... so she isn't exactly "trophy wife"... I will be making only six figures... and I am not exactly a "trophy husband" either...
It's called displacement and what woman doesn't do this? lol. It can be either something in her environment outside of her control that's irking at her and so she relieves her stress on someone safe OR you're secretly getting at her nerves so there are deeper issues at work here. BUT it's quite common so you should either bite your tongue until one day it severs or.. you should have a discussion with her.
LOL... I had many discussions with her about it.. it never resolves... either a stressor comes up again and she starts blaming me or she gets "moody" and takes it out on me... The only time I see her happy is when guys start hitting on her and she tells them she is happily married... she likes the attention... I think maybe she just lacks a good female friend... her "friends" always seem to envy her or try to backstab her... she really wishes to have a really close friend (besides me that is)... unfortunately "good" friends are hard to come by even when there are 300 M Americans in this country..lol... I try to be supportive but she always tries to sneak around it and try to start something...
It's called manipulation; being a spoiled, selfish brat; self serving, inconsiderate, shallow, depressed, never being happy with what she has. Mostly, though, lack of effective communication. Time for you two to see a therapist.
No thanks, I don't like therapists full of "wishy-wishy" talk... I don't need overpriced ears to be added on my bill... I have worked with many psychiatrists before, I know how a great majority of them are...
My wife has this knack, she will get depressed about something and complain forever about it for hours to days to weeks (all this time I try to be supportive cause I know how she does it)... well I always know what happens in the end, somehow it will be "my" fault... I am not understanding or compassionate yadda yadda... and she go into a laundry list of things not associated with the problem... but all about "me"... I know, lucky me... it always seem to go that way... she has a problem completely unrelated to me and yet, I become the target of the problem somehow... is there a name for this "scenario" cause it happens a lot....
My wife also has this thing that "something" always has to be wrong... first is we "need to get married" then "we need more money" then "I want kids now" blah blah blah.. its always something... I could go on with life without having "we need this and that" but she can't, its always "something"... is there a term for that as well?
I want to get her to understand what she is doing, but she won't listen to me... so maybe a webpage that discusses these personality issues... if it is one, that is
I want I want, I need I need, i spilled coffee on myself because somebody called for YOU! So-and so says I should leave...YOU! I want to watch MY show. YOUR friends are such pains in the a$$ Why don't you clean YOUR car. YOUR kids are bothering me.
Does this sound familiar?
Is it in the late stages yet? Is it even your problem like this?
YOUR mother in law....!
YOUR brother in law....!
YOUR inlaws....!
YOUR wifes hairdresser(but hunny that's your haird...shut up!)
evilmewbie: Reading through your responses to various posters, it would seem that you actually thrive on your wife's behavior, that you love her the way that she is and were just looking for some sort of affirmation from others in your position. Each to his own. Cheers!
Heck no... I don't need affirmation, I am happy with myself... I want some help and I certainly don't love the way she is, the opposite in fact..... She is the way she is and perhaps someone out there has more experience with this than I do... is there a way to get her to stop trying to "create" problems for our relationship? She always seem to want to have problems and becomes fixated on them...
Location: Democratic Peoples Republic of Redneckistan
11,078 posts, read 15,082,780 times
Reputation: 3937
Whiny wife....
Live with it man!!!!! The rest of us do,what makes you any better than us??.......................................
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