Too many single women in their 20's with kids (mature, honest, attract)

[NotARedneck]

Quote:
Originally Posted by curliq

Life seems to be a no-win for women nowadays. Either we're knocked up premaritally, and vilified for being a drain on taxpayers. Or we're college-educated women, holding off raising a family while we work away during prime career-building years, only to find ourselves unable to conceive in our 30s/40s, vilified by the general public for "waiting too long." Maybe I broke the stereotypes down too black and white, but you get the gist...

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

I would agree with this. There's a very small window, just a few years of life, really, on when it's socially acceptible for women to become pregnant...a few years "too early," and you're trashy/irresponsible in the eyes of many, and a few years "too late," and you're dumb for putting yourself in a position where the risk for complications is higher. The switch from everyone harping on you to "wait to have kids, you're too young to have kids," to always asking you "when are you going to have kids? Clock ticking yet?" seems to occur very quickly, in my experience. It's like, "Don't do it in your early-to-mid twenties, whatever you do, but damn, do it by thirty." And, for most of us, those relatively few intervening years are pretty packed with things OTHER than parenthood.

You two make too much of this. The real issue is having children when either unprepared for the responsibility or with a poor choice of partner.

Most people are getting very intolerant of that. With the economy tanking, expect this intolerance from their parents, in the future too.

[TechlawyerinPG]

Originally Posted by Woof Woof Woof!

Nothing "make believe" about it. Lots of young men date older women, in fact many have a preference for older women. I hardly blink an eye at the age difference anymore.

I definitely know many couples in my social circle with a woman that is 5-10 years older than the man...my own brother included. My husband is 4-5 years my junior...and always preferred older women.

Originally Posted by ScranBarre

You know what? This thread finally made me realize that there is at least one advantage to being a homosexual. I can get drunk and have a regrettable one-night stand without fear that I'll be liable for child support nine months later. However, on the other hand, I'm also much more likely to contract an STD! D'oh!

lol...aren't you happy you do not have to deal with all of these breeder issues

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

I would agree with this. There's a very small window, just a few years of life, really, on when it's socially acceptible for women to become pregnant...a few years "too early," and you're trashy/irresponsible in the eyes of many, and a few years "too late," and you're dumb for putting yourself in a position where the risk for complications is higher. The switch from everyone harping on you to "wait to have kids, you're too young to have kids," to always asking you "when are you going to have kids? Clock ticking yet?" seems to occur very quickly, in my experience. It's like, "Don't do it in your early-to-mid twenties, whatever you do, but damn, do it by thirty." And, for most of us, those relatively few intervening years are pretty packed with things OTHER than parenthood.

I oh so relate. Coming from a southern/midwestern family where women married and started families at 17/18 and had no education past high school...I definitely was pressed to leave the boys alone and focus on my studies and don't get knocked up (well I never really left the boys alone but 2 out of 3 ain't bad) and take advantage of all the world had to offer my generation of women. I did the college and law school thing (heck in many workplaces nowadays a college degree is like a high school diploma and you eventually need some kind of grad school or certification to advance, be competitive or make the kind of money it takes to live well around here..which mean more people are not completing school until later in life) and spent a little over a decade of life and highly fertile years...17 to 28 yrs old to be exact... getting an education and through the trials and errors of dating learning what I really wanted in a relationship and in a life partner (most often what I DIDN'T want in one . Career started at 28. I was seriously on the prowl for Mister Right starting at about 26 and met him at 33....wish it had not taken 7 years but hey it is rough out there finding emotionally and financially sound folks that are actually and emotionally available, with good integrity and character, mutual attraction/goals/interests, that desire to be in a serious relationship with a goal towards marrying. I find most men are not really ready until about 30 anyway. Not one to rush into something that would fail...we took our time and responsibly dated 4 years prior to marriage. Voila...you are late 30s and trying to conceive under holy matrimony...which both of us share Miu's mindset...neither of us would have married if we didn't want children. Even real estate can be contracted around with the right legal documents if you aren't married and folks can get a cohabitation agreement...which I highly recommend for folks that live together long term. You can't contract around the emotional wellbeing of kids though.

I have a friend right now who is about to go through a divorce in her late 30s. She had a kid out of wedlock in her early 20s and was off and on with the baby's father for 8 years often hoping they would get married. He would always get serious with her for a while and then go sniffing elsewhere and dump her but then come back around when he thought she might be seeing someone else. Frankly it is one reason I never liked dating men with kids...their baby mothers tend to be a built in harem for them to sleep with when they have nothing else going on or sometimes even when they are involved with someone else. Well the last time they seemed to be getting serious again and she was telling us they were talking about getting engaged...then 2 months later she tells us she has met this other guy that is 10 years younger (23/24 at the time) and they are talking about marriage. It was all a little fast to us friends (especially after seriously talking marriage with an ex not weeks prior)...but we supported her. They were engaged within 3 months of meeting each other and married less than a year after meeting each other. And after the wedding baby #1 came about a year later...then a year after that came baby #2. Now fast forward about 8 years later...and he is having an early mid-life crisis now that he is 31/32 and decides he does not want to be married and wants to be single again. Completely changed from the guy that was all about the family life to wanting to party all the time and avoid being at home and meeting other women online. Personally I think it was all way too fast for him. I think he wants to relive those 20something years that he missed out on partying and doing what many of us did at that time while he was mainly at home with the wife and kids. I do think that most people (though not all) are not really ready for marriage until late 20s early 30s....which as related back to this topic means...use protection and lay off the procreating as the most compatible person for you most likely is going to come later in life versus earlier. I'm glad I got to sow my oats, see the world, do crazy things, party hard and do all you should do as you develop into who you are in your 20s...I really am ready for the next phase and don't feel I am missing out on anything (though I do hope not to become a boring married couple with kids if I can help it).

I hardly know many people that married before 25 that are not getting divorced now or already have. They did get to have kids within wedlock at an early age and I did used to envy that...but now they still end up being single parents raising kids without a spouse in the home....just like a single mom who did it on their own from the beginning. Even the best laid plans of doing things the right way can have you end up being a single parent...its tough no matter what you do really.

[countscatcher1]

APPLAUSE!!....THANK YOU!! The only difference is, the so called man, can leave that child behind, and not tell anybody!!...then leave state, marry the girl he already had..(not mentioning to her he prolly drugged some 16 yr old girl at a party wit his brother, had his way with her and left) and be really upset when that pregnant 16yr girl is now a 30 yr old woman, whose 13 year old daughter calls your home...and you have to "talk to your wife" because you hadnt told her wat you had done soooooo long ago. so yes there are the same amount of single dads as there are moms..moms have to keep the babies, and the dads can apparently just leave. and live their own lives without anyone bein the wiser..isnt that just f@*#d up?

[NotARedneck]

Originally Posted by countscatcher1

APPLAUSE!!....THANK YOU!! The only difference is, the so called man, can leave that child behind, and not tell anybody!!...then leave state, marry the girl he already had..(not mentioning to her he prolly drugged some 16 yr old girl at a party wit his brother, had his way with her and left) and be really upset when that pregnant 16yr girl is now a 30 yr old woman, whose 13 year old daughter calls your home...and you have to "talk to your wife" because you hadnt told her wat you had done soooooo long ago. so yes there are the same amount of single dads as there are moms..moms have to keep the babies, and the dads can apparently just leave. and live their own lives without anyone bein the wiser..isnt that just f@*#d up?

You sound like you went to the same high school as I did. I left town and got an education. Never returned.

[countscatcher1]

when they are young you can say all the right things..like he loves you and he just cant be here right now....when they are older like mine is now (13), thas when you tell them what you are doing to find him so they can either start a relationship...or not, but by then its up to him whether or not to be a part of her life. YOU CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH. im learning the same lesson with this non existant parent crap. but still tryin!

[countscatcher1]

Originally Posted by Rebecca the caged

The child is the one who suffers. Growing up without a mother or a father figure has most likely led to this trend. I wish my daughter had a responsible father figure. Children learn by example. I just wish I knew what to tell her when she asks about where her daddy is?

when they are young you can say all the right things..like he loves you and he just cant be here right now....when they are older like mine is now (13), thas when you tell them what you are doing to find him so they can either start a relationship...or not, but by then its up to him whether or not to be a part of her life. YOU CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH. im learning the same lesson with this non existant parent crap. but still tryin!

[countscatcher1]

Originally Posted by orangeapple

I wish I could rep you!

----

I'm no fan of unwed mothers myself, but I'm also not a fan of deadbeat dads who stupidly knock women up and shuck responsibility.
Why doesn't anyone make a thread about them? Oh I know why....because then men will say women only like those "bad boys" and not the "nice guys". Always the women's fault

i got a guys number you can call!! LMAO! cause you are soooo right!! and yes it is stupid of them!!

[countscatcher1]

Originally Posted by NotARedneck

You sound like you went to the same high school as I did. I left town and got an education. Never returned.

yep! lol!! left that town and never looked back! going on 11 years! coincidently...thats how long he's been married to the girl he left with...hmmmmm! lmao!

[Miss Crabcakes]

I hear you but I can attest that they are out there.

I decided long ago to wait until marriage to have kids and the majority of my friends (ages 26-32) are also childless and waiting. So it may just be your area that's saturated. But I'm sure they are out there somewhere.

Maybe looking for you.

[70Ford]

Originally Posted by Arf Arf

What's wrong with you people? You make it sound like it's the woman's fault. I'm sorry, but isn't a penis involved somewhere along the line? I doubt most of these women were artificially inseminated. When they got pregant it sounds like they were responsible enough to accept it and take care of the child. Where's the father?

The sad thing is that the woman is labored with the child and has to face the consequences alone. She is the one who is vilified and the father can run off and screw whoever else he wants. It's a shame.

I read that as "pelvis." I was gonna respond, "TWO pelvises...maybe 3, if the night was wicked fun." but then I thought better of it.