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America is a very child centric country I see more kids running around on a daily basis here then I did while spending a few months in a few european countries and Japan.
I'm a 20-something single male, and I can identify with the OP's position. Lately I've been shocked at how many single girls my age have kids. But here is what baffles me -
How is it that white-collar, highly educated middle/upper middle class girls have plenty of sex, but will rarely have children... in my experience I will say "almost never". Yet for blue collar, working class, community college-type girls, "accidental children" are common, if not routine.
If someone could explain this discrepancy, I might be inclined to have more sympathy for young single moms. As it is, though, single moms are not some freak accident or unavoidable phenomenon, they are clearly the result of someone's decisions.
How is it that white-collar, highly educated middle/upper middle class girls have plenty of sex, but will rarely have children... in my experience I will say "almost never". Yet for blue collar, working class, community college-type girls, "accidental children" are common, if not routine.
Thats what I mentioned before. It was even documented by the Census that poorer women with little to no education are the ones with the babies at a younger age. It's not a hard thing to understand if you are educated you will not do stupid things and you need money to get said education.
Thats what I mentioned before. It was even documented by the Census that poorer women with little to no education are the ones with the babies at a younger age. It's not a hard thing to understand if you are educated you will not do stupid things and you need money to get said education.
So you believe that higher education teaches girls how to have sex without having children?
I must not have taken that class
I realize there's a correlation between no kids and higher education - but I do not see a cause-effect relationship.
I'm a 20-something single male, and I can identify with the OP's position. Lately I've been shocked at how many single girls my age have kids. But here is what baffles me -
How is it that white-collar, highly educated middle/upper middle class girls have plenty of sex, but will rarely have children... in my experience I will say "almost never". Yet for blue collar, working class, community college-type girls, "accidental children" are common, if not routine.
If someone could explain this discrepancy, I might be inclined to have more sympathy for young single moms. As it is, though, single moms are not some freak accident or unavoidable phenomenon, they are clearly the result of someone's decisions.
first, the lowest socioeconomic group has long been known for this behavior/lifestyle... while the so-called "experts" have long known the fact that "ultra-poor" people are more prone to this because they don't see futures to "make good decisions" for, there's another factor which I've encountered during the last few years also: that type of "life in the moment only" viewpoint results in people wanting "instant gratification" (sex and everything else).
second, the upper-class often exhibits the same kind of behavior simply because they feel that their status allows them to do so. many have the sensibility to use birth control.
third, the "a place for everything, & everything in its place" has always been a middle-class value/standard. on this subject, the middle class is less likely to engage in promiscuous behavior, & therefore less likely to produce unplanned/unwanted babies.
I hope it's not violating the forum's ToS to add: I wrote a book about this-- anyone who's interested, send me a PM.
first, the lowest socioeconomic group has long been known for this behavior/lifestyle... while the so-called "experts" have long known the fact that "ultra-poor" people are more prone to this because they don't see futures to "make good decisions" for, there's another factor which I've encountered during the last few years also: that type of "life in the moment only" viewpoint results in people wanting "instant gratification" (sex and everything else).
second, the upper-class often exhibits the same kind of behavior simply because they feel that their status allows them to do so. many have the sensibility to use birth control.
third, the "a place for everything, & everything in its place" has always been a middle-class value/standard. on this subject, the middle class is less likely to engage in promiscuous behavior, & therefore less likely to produce unplanned/unwanted babies.
I hope it's not violating the forum's ToS to add: I wrote a book about this-- anyone who's interested, send me a PM.
You hit the nail on the head..
It's not about the university offering sex education. A person in graduate school clearly has goals and has thought out the future compared to someone who dropped out during the 11th grade.
My thoughts are that these things don't "Just happen". They are the result of poor decision making, and they can be indicative of future poor decisions yet to come, and possibly even poor decision-making passed down to your potential future offspring, should you choose to become involved with someone who makes poor decisions regarding such critical, life-altering issues. I apologize in advance if this comes off offensive or insensitive to anyone.
I mean I've seen the full range--
girls/women who simply took the option of being 'single mothers' as a "personal lifestyle choice;"
those who may have wanted to get married but the guys ran out on them;
those who got pregnant by married men;
etc. etc. etc.
so if you're looking for a quality person, the reasons why they're single mothers is even more relevant than the fact that they are.
well, that's my opinion anyway.
This point gets lost in the discussion. Too many people lump all single moms into the same category, making assumptions about how they came to be single moms.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
But, during my single life, I avoided single moms. Not because I couldn't handle the responsibility of an instant family. Rather it was because I felt she had a "any port in a storm" mentality. Maybe she would have married me because she loved me. Maybe she would have married me because she was struggling on her own. Either way, I would have had my doubts.
You could make this same argument about people in general. A lot of people are struggling and might wanna latch onto someone to keep them from drowning. I know a guy who's afraid to date someone who makes significantly less money than him cause he's convinced they'd just want to be with him for his money. It's fine to be cautious, but if you're already on the defensive, feeling like people are preying on you cause you could be their savior, you'll discover that this isn't always the case. Every single mom I've dated was quite capable to taking care of herself and her children. None were looking for someone to help them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommytotwo
Take it or leave it.
If that is all you find, either suck it up and accept it or limit your options.
And it's only going to get worse as you get older.
The older you get, your counterparts will have gotten married and DIVORCED, with the same result, Women with 1+kids.
My cousin is 31, and single. I told him that he should fully expect that part of the dating pool will be women with child/ren. He is looking later in life, and how many women out there that don't have any kids yet?
I agree. I get so tired of people like the OP who complain about what's out there in the dating pool. Just shut up and deal with it. All your complaining isn't going to make it any better. If I were a woman who was 6'5" tall, I could complain that most men are shorter than me. But what would be the point? As a single male in his 30s, I know that a lot of the women I'm likely to meet with already have kids. One thing I don't do is complain about it. It's like the job market. You could complain about the lack of good jobs out there or just accept that this is how it is.
I'm a 20-something single male, and I can identify with the OP's position. Lately I've been shocked at how many single girls my age have kids. But here is what baffles me -
How is it that white-collar, highly educated middle/upper middle class girls have plenty of sex, but will rarely have children... in my experience I will say "almost never". Yet for blue collar, working class, community college-type girls, "accidental children" are common, if not routine.
If someone could explain this discrepancy, I might be inclined to have more sympathy for young single moms. As it is, though, single moms are not some freak accident or unavoidable phenomenon, they are clearly the result of someone's decisions.
Your screen name holds the answer. Educated, career-minded singles have the good sense to visit the "rubber factory," or secure another form of birth control, before having sex with someone with whom they haven't planned to start a family.
My thoughts are that these things don't "Just happen". They are the result of poor decision making, and they can be indicative of future poor decisions yet to come, and possibly even poor decision-making passed down to your potential future offspring, should you choose to become involved with someone who makes poor decisions regarding such critical, life-altering issues. I apologize in advance if this comes off offensive or insensitive to anyone.
I was preparing to add this before your comment was posted, but yours makes it even more relevant:
during the years in which I've been in this particular region, numerous people have informed me that most kids here are "sexually active" at 13 years old, & this has been considered "acceptable" for generations...
so, bearing that in mind, I agree with your comment about poor decision-making being passed down-- young teens don't have the maturity to make decisions on "critical, life-altering issues," they're simply following the lousy examples set by the older generation.
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