Too many single women in their 20's with kids (clubs, South Carolina, bars)
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Exactly where does she suggest her child is coming in second? You guys keep inferring that just because she has a FWB on the side that she's automatically not putting her child first. Do you think she's dropping off her kid with a babysitter so she can meet up with her friend? Do you think she's sneaking him into the house while her son is asleep? I saw nothing in her statements to even suggest this. I bet if this were a single man doing this, you wouldn't object.
I dont know nor care what the woman does with her child...my statement was an agreement to the general point that betamanlet made about selfish single parents.
why would it matter if someone is a single dad or a single mother anyway?...a bad selfish single parent is a bad selfish single parent.
" If someone is going take credit for and expect praise for raising their kid as an afterthought to their own sexual desires, then I see no reason to glorify them above anyone else who isnt fulfilling their parental obligations by putting the welfare of their children first.."
Nowhere in this statement did I mention that selfish single fathers were somehow acceptable while selfish single mothers werent.
Id rather you not try to superimpose your own biases upon my perspective when I havent even suggested, much less stated such.
I agree with you. You do not need to lower your standards just because other people do. Hold out for a woman with the same standards as you, and you won't be sorry.
This being said, I suppose you are extremely careful that you do not impregnate anyone? If not, then you've got no business criticizing any girl it may have happened to.
I dont know nor care what the woman does with her child...my statement was an agreement to the general point that betamanlet made about selfish single parents.
why would it matter if someone is a single dad or a single mother anyway?...a bad selfish single parent is a bad selfish single parent.
" If someone is going take credit for and expect praise for raising their kid as an afterthought to their own sexual desires, then I see no reason to glorify them above anyone else who isnt fulfilling their parental obligations by putting the welfare of their children first.."
Nowhere in this statement did I mention that selfish single fathers were somehow acceptable while selfish single mothers werent.
Id rather you not try to superimpose your own biases upon my perspective when I havent even suggested, much less stated such.
betamanlet is generalizing based on one poster's admission that she's a single mom who doesn't want to date, but has a FWB. He's basically implying that any mother who dares to have a social life of any kind is putting her child second and therefore being a bad mother.
The reason I bring up single fathers is to point out a double standard. The idea of a mother having sexual desires unnerves some people. But a single father having those same needs is never looked down upon. I've known single fathers who had FWBs on the side and no one ever accused them of being lousy fathers.
I can understand the preference of dating a childless woman.
What I don't understand is this talk of all the single mothers being irresponsible and so on.
Some are, I'm sure. Also, many or most were irresponsible to get pregnant without a commitment or marriage.
However, if the kid is a few years old, or even younger, the mother may have matured and changed in the process. She might not be this selfish irresponsible person anymore that you make her out to be.
I was a single mother, and got married when my son was 7.
It was very hard to decide what to do once I was pregnant. I came to the decision to raise my son with a lot of difficulty. I also decided I had to do everything I could to give him the best life and upbringing I possibly could, if I was to raise him.
I also knew better from then on that I needed to be SURE I would not get pregnant again.
I just mean to say that a woman with one child might not deserve such harsh judgment.
Actually, I believe it was you who suggested the poster who has a FWB is not putting her child first.
How does having a FWB prove that she's a commitment phobe? Not everyone wants a serious relationship or has the time and energy for one. That doesn't automatically make them afraid of commitment. As for your question about what kind of example it sets for a child, you've obviously never dated a single parent. Every one that I've met knows how to keep their home life and their social life separate making your question irrelevant since a responsible mother wouldn't let her child know about the FWB. It sounds like you expect a mother to sacrifice everything for her child and not have a life of her own.
Because she picks guys who don't want committed relationships, and when she doesn't get that guy, she decides she wants no relationship at all, but still wants the sex, so she gets a FWB. She is a commitmentphone, and I know commitment phobes are selfish people, who don't always put themselves second.
I can understand the preference of dating a childless woman.
What I don't understand is this talk of all the single mothers being irresponsible and so on.
Some are, I'm sure. Also, many or most were irresponsible to get pregnant without a commitment or marriage.
However, if the kid is a few years old, or even younger, the mother may have matured and changed in the process. She might not be this selfish irresponsible person anymore that you make her out to be.
I was a single mother, and got married when my son was 7.
It was very hard to decide what to do once I was pregnant. I came to the decision to raise my son with a lot of difficulty. I also decided I had to do everything I could to give him the best life and upbringing I possibly could, if I was to raise him.
I also knew better from then on that I needed to be SURE I would not get pregnant again.
I just mean to say that a woman with one child might not deserve such harsh judgment.
All this may be true but unfortunatly there are other circumstances that come with the territory by default. Aside from what has already been mentioned 1000 times...one of my major concerns is...
should we get married to decide to live together...and should things turn out less than ideal....will I have to pay child support for a child that is not mine? In some states, once you're married or once that child is living under your supervision...then you are also responsible financially for that child.
I can understand the preference of dating a childless woman.
What I don't understand is this talk of all the single mothers being irresponsible and so on.
Some are, I'm sure. Also, many or most were irresponsible to get pregnant without a commitment or marriage.
However, if the kid is a few years old, or even younger, the mother may have matured and changed in the process. She might not be this selfish irresponsible person anymore that you make her out to be.
I was a single mother, and got married when my son was 7.
It was very hard to decide what to do once I was pregnant. I came to the decision to raise my son with a lot of difficulty. I also decided I had to do everything I could to give him the best life and upbringing I possibly could, if I was to raise him.
I also knew better from then on that I needed to be SURE I would not get pregnant again.
I just mean to say that a woman with one child might not deserve such harsh judgment.
Exactly. Throughout this and similar threads, there's this attempt to paint all single mothers with the same brush. For every single mom who was and perhaps still is irresponsible, there's one who isn't. Also, the people who judge these mothers also assume that one can't learn from their mistakes. I have no idea what it's like to wake up one day and discover you're pregnant by someone you're not married to or to have that person abandon you. But people learn from their mistakes. Choosing to keep a child as opposed to giving it up for adoption or aborting it isn't a trivial decision and I doubt any single mother out there would treat it that way. When I meet a single mom, in the back of my mind I might be wondering how she came to be single with a child. But I'm also thinking "well at least she took responsibility and didn't just dump the kid on someone else or run off to get an abortion." People learn from their mistakes. Some life-changing mistakes force us to grow and mature. Character growth is an ongoing process. People aren't static.
All this may be true but unfortunatly there are other circumstances that come with the territory by default. Aside from what has already been mentioned 1000 times...one of my major concerns is...
should we get married to decide to live together...and should things turn out less than ideal....will I have to pay child support for a child that is not mine? In some states, once you're married or once that child is living under your supervision...then you are also responsible financially for that child.
I do understand that, that is why I said I understand and think it's ok if a man rules out women with kids. It probably also ends up being more fair to the woman and child as well.
What I had a problem with was all the judgement. At least if the woman is not a serial single mom and raises the child responsibly, it is likely she has more than paid for her mistakes and deserves not to be judged harshly.
If you are complaining about women having children before marriage, yet you as a man would have no problem sleeping with a woman before you married her, then you need to be quiet.
I would like to add my comment on this topic.
1st I congratulate the men and women who kept their virginity to the wedding day, and for been hugely patient and resistant to temptations; starting from here we can deduct that these people have a good, serious and strong principle and believe they cherish and fulfil, for that I raise my hat.
Sure, the one who lost their virginity before marriage have principals and believe, but in this case we are comparing Day and Night; it’s easy to fall to temptations but it’s extremely hard to fight them and here where the wisdom is, Resist and be Patient and you will be rewarded, no matter how long it will take.
The debate about having sex before marriage is exhausted and we all know the risks (health and safety) and consequences (financially, mentally and family wise); so why not take what we are accustom to from the beginning of the humanity until today, which is “Marriage” to fulfil the lost objective: “raising a family”?
We are in a centuries of “Fast Love”! that’s why we are faced with sex advertising assault from everywhere, and when a girl get her hand on a man she might say the only way to keep him around is to give that extra and make comfortable (here we go, SEX) not realising that she is putting herself in vicious spiral, she might get pregnant (the consequences are terrible, I can tell you), in this case she will try hard to get a man at any cost (again without thinking about the consequences for her child or for the long term).
Why am I saying all that, well, because I’ve been betrayed by women, I’ve been under pressure by a single mum, I’m 36 and I’m virgin.
Does it worth waiting for D day to loose what we have been given? Well, YES, it shows that there are men and women out there still believing and following the right way and shows that we can resist temptations and being faithful.
For the single divorced mum and dad (you are going to tell me about), well I think they can be proud of themselves as they’ve followed the right way, and it’s going to be easy for them as they know that they don’t deserve to be a victim and they totally the opposite of the one who weren’t married. Being proud for following the right way and don’t be troubled by the consequences.
For the single man and woman still virgin, looking for their half, word of advice, keep faith and resist temptations, you will be rewarded, just keep in mind that you worth a lot, so please don’t put yourself six feet under for 10mn of joy with a disastrous consequences.
These are my few words I want to share with you, and are my point of view not a gospel or a religious stuff, but just what I think is the right way of doing, since we have only this life to live above the ground (two others will come, but we will have no input in them, I think) we better make the most of it but IN THE RIGHT WAY.
Thank you for reading.
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