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As a man I have more respect for a young mother than a woman that uses abortion as birth control. "More respect" is a gross understatment.
I have more respect for a woman who has the responsibility to do the right thing and wait with the children until her surrounding life supports a child, even if the rubber was forgotten on one occasion or if the birthcontrol pills had not yet reached their effect when the deed was done.
I think there is a mentality difference where in the US people seem to see pregnancy as
"ok now THERE IS GONNA be a baby, (and optionally)but there is an option to stop it"
while the mentality here is more
"if we for some reason do not abort it, there's gonna be a baby, but there is gonna be plenty of time to have babies in the future anyways"
As a man I have more respect for a young mother than a woman that uses abortion as birth control. "More respect" is a gross understatment.
Same here - but I also have more respect for the mothers who realize that between work and child raising, they don't have time to be out looking for new men.
The child should come first. Mothers of young children need to have their priorities straight and out cruising the single's bars for men isn't where they should be. Also it's bad for the kid(s) to have men coming in and out of their lives.
Dating can come later. And men have to be careful because they need to be sure they are step-father material if they wish to get involved - nothing is worse for the children than step parents who don't like them or mothers who aren't home with them.
Same here - but I also have more respect for the mothers who realize that between work and child raising, they don't have time to be out looking for new men.
The child should come first. Mothers of young children need to have their priorities straight and out cruising the single's bars for men isn't where they should be. Also it's bad for the kid(s) to have men coming in and out of their lives.
Dating can come later. And men have to be careful because they need to be sure they are step-father material if they wish to get involved - nothing is worse for the children than step parents who don't like them or mothers who aren't home with them.
Don't you think it's up to them to decide whether they have time to date? That's the problem with threads like this one. People see a single mother out on the dating scene and automatically assume she's neglecting her child. Here's a novel concept. A woman could have a full-time job, be a good mother, and still manage to find time for a social life. So to say that dating can come later is an insult to those women because it presumes that you know how they're allocating their time. There are some guys on this board who think that if a woman doesn't offer every single second of her free time to her child, that makes her a bad mother. No, what makes her a bad mother if she teaches her child that being a parent means giving up EVERYTHING else in life. I didn't grow up in a single parent household, but my parents didn't devote every single second of their free time to me. They did, however, make sure that I was their first priority. They would only meet with their friends or pursue their hobbies if they were sure my needs had already been met. The same is true for most single parents. If they're out dating, then more often than not, it means they've fulfilled their parental duties already.
As for your second point, most guys understand what it means to get involved with someone who already has kids. Many don't want to be a step-father which is why they refuse to date such women. Fair enough. But I think it goes without saying that men give this a great deal of thought before they ever get involved with a single mother.
The same is true for most single parents. If they're out dating, then more often than not, it means they've fulfilled their parental duties already.
Or they haven't. And that's why their kids are often so starved for attention and affection. Who is watching the baby while mom's out getting picked up in bars? Or where ever she's looking for love?
A single mother providing for her child when there's no father in the picture would have to be putting in at least 40 hours at work but that means more hours commuting. So you think she should work all day and then dump the baby or toddler off the rest of the day?
How little time do you think a small child requires?
A lot of the boyfriends are not going to like being in second place as far as her priority - but a mother of young children should put the children as her first priority.
Or they haven't. And that's why their kids are often so starved for attention and affection. Who is watching the baby while mom's out getting picked up in bars? Or where ever she's looking for love?
A single mother providing for her child when there's no father in the picture would have to be putting in at least 40 hours at work but that means more hours commuting. So you think she should work all day and then dump the baby or toddler off the rest of the day?
How little time do you think a small child requires?
A lot of the boyfriends are not going to like being in second place as far as her priority - but a mother of young children should put the children as her first priority.
Once again, we have someone who thinks he knows what it's like to be a parent and sees fit to judge a mother when he doesn't have all the facts. How do you know if she's neglecting her child? Do you have webcams at her house? Do you know where her kid is? The fact is when you meet a single mother, you don't know the first thing about what's going on with her kid. Maybe the child's with a sitter. Maybe he or she's with the grandparents or some other relative. Just because you see a single mother at a bar with her friends on a Friday night hoping to meet single men doesn't mean she's neglecting her child. Do you even know any single mothers? I have friends who are single parents and, unlike you, I don't have to speculate about how many hours they work or spend with their kids. I can see it firsthand. And I know from seeing them that they're in a far better position to know whether they're neglecting their kids. Certainly more qualified than some stranger in a bar who barely knows anything about them.
Why not put a child up for adoption to a couple that can't have kids? I don't get how some young mother who is nearly a child herself can think that it is in the best interest of the child to keep it. I know of plenty of couples that can not have children and wish that they could. These people have the money and resources to raise a child and can offer a loving home. Many of the young single moms that I have seen end up raising their children in low income surroundings in neighborhoods that are less than safe. Those that choose not to get welfare end up working 2 jobs just so they can pay for someone else to raise their kid in a child care situation. What kind of life is that? I used to see single moms loading up kids at 5 am to take them to the babysitter so they could go to work.
Once again, we have someone who thinks he knows what it's like to be a parent and sees fit to judge a mother when he doesn't have all the facts. How do you know if she's neglecting her child? Do you have webcams at her house? Do you know where her kid is? The fact is when you meet a single mother, you don't know the first thing about what's going on with her kid. Maybe the child's with a sitter. Maybe he or she's with the grandparents or some other relative. Just because you see a single mother at a bar with her friends on a Friday night hoping to meet single men doesn't mean she's neglecting her child. Do you even know any single mothers? I have friends who are single parents and, unlike you, I don't have to speculate about how many hours they work or spend with their kids. I can see it firsthand. And I know from seeing them that they're in a far better position to know whether they're neglecting their kids. Certainly more qualified than some stranger in a bar who barely knows anything about them.
You don't know a thing about me. First of all I have kids so I do know how much time kids should have from parents.
You have these single mothers and the child has one parent only and that one parent dumps them off on sitters to go out and party - and that is not good for the kids.
Why don't people think a little before having kids? If the kid isn't going to be a priority, if you have to work all day and then party all night - like the poster after you suggests - put the child up for adoption or something so that the child has parents. Or don't have children until you can make them a priority of some kind. Work alone is going to take up 10 hours of the day - certainly a child needs some parental time each day - a day care or sitter isn't the same.
And a young child does not need mama's boyfriends demanding they be a priority, and the child does not need mama's boyfriends disliking that child or preferring there was no child. It's the mother who needs to consider what's right for her child - and trying to convince men who didn't want to be fathers yet to give her another look - she's still sexy after all - isn't in the child's interests at all.
First of all I have kids so I do know how much time kids should have from parents.
So? Does that qualify you to know what it's like for every other parent? No, it doesn't. It simply makes it easier for you to imagine some of the struggles they deal with. But the only thing you know for sure is what your kids need from you, NOT what someone else's kid needs from them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
You have these single mothers and the child has one parent only and that one parent dumps them off on sitters to go out and party - and that is not good for the kids.
You say this like it's typical. Too bad it isn't. Being a parent doesn't mean you have to give up having a social life. It simply means knowing what your priorities are. If a mother wants to leave her kid with grandma for one Friday night so she can hang out with her friends or go on a blind date, I see nothing wrong with that. But apparently you think that makes her a bad mother.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
If the kid isn't going to be a priority, if you have to work all day and then party all night - like the poster after you suggests - put the child up for adoption or something so that the child has parents. Or don't have children until you can make them a priority of some kind. Work alone is going to take up 10 hours of the day - certainly a child needs some parental time each day - a day care or sitter isn't the same.
Once again, you assume things about people you don't know. Did it ever occur to you that maybe these people are single mothers because the dad was a deadbeat who took off? Or maybe he died. Maybe the woman is divorced and the father doesn't want to do his share. I love how you talk about the women who party all night as if that's typical of single mothers. The ones I know barely have time to go get a cup of coffee. And I also love how you assume that a mother who leaves her child with a sitter is cutting into quality time with her child. Did it ever occur to you that maybe by the time they're leaving the child with the sitter that they've already spent enough quality time with the child? No. I guess you're one of those people who thinks a woman can't have any life if she has a child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
And a young child does not need mama's boyfriends demanding they be a priority, and the child does not need mama's boyfriends disliking that child or preferring there was no child. It's the mother who needs to consider what's right for her child - and trying to convince men who didn't want to be fathers yet to give her another look - she's still sexy after all - isn't in the child's interests at all.
More generalizing. You assume ALL men are like this. Here's a newsflash. They're not. There are plenty of men who can date a single mom without demanding to be a bigger priority, who don't dislike the child or prefer it was gone, and may even like the child. Imagine that. And of course the mother needs to consider what's right for her child. I've never seen these women you speak of, the ones who try to convince to be fathers when they're not ready.
Young unwed mothers are a huge burden on society. I'm sick to death of seeing these under-educated, trashy, dim, sloppy girls with kids, whom they often have to support by going on the welfare roles. The sad thing is that alot of them have a baby because they think it will somehow magically elevate them from their drab existence in their dysfunctional home with mommy and daddy--or, more accurately these days--with mommy only, who's usually too busy chain-smoking Pall Malls and swigging Kamchatka while trying to remember who she slept with last night, to have anything to do with her daughter. So said daughter decides to get the baby prize.
This is the "trailer trash" scenario of the unwed mommy. The other species--equally disgusting--is the professional woman who decides she wants a kid and can do it herself cuz she's too busy to marry. Dan Quayle was right.
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